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Am I Wrong?
Ok so this goes back a couple of years, when i was in school. I had a best friend, we'll call her E. We were both really badly bullied through school and she was the thing that got me through it, i have no idea what i would have done without her. Im pretty sure she felt the same. I still hold this fact close to me, i and i am still very attached to E because of this. I feel we had a bond that couldnt be broken and all that.
When we left school we both went to the same college, were in different tutor groups but still saw a lot of each other and we were still really close. When the second year came around we drifted, saw each other occasionally but hardly ever. When we did see each other it wasnt that same as it was, she had her first long term boyfriend and she was always on about him (not that i minded), and there were awkward silences and the such. To top it off she had become good friends with a girl we talked to in school that is in her tutor group. We shall call her C. This is all well and good, ive no problem with this. I liked her to. Now, shes in university. Shes doing all the things we thought we would never do like getting so ridiculously drunk that you pass out, doing drugs and sleeping around. I cant say i dont approve (tho i dont approve of the drugs i think taking drugs is a dumb thing to do) its just not her. I know people do change and all that but this is extreme. If you knew her you would understand lol! She has now ditched C. C and i have become good friends (i think i may even love her but that a completely different matter) and think that E is, for lack of a better word, mean. She comes back from uni quite regularly and barely speaks to either of us. A lot of the time she wont come out because her friend Chaz wont be there. Chaz is a friend she made just before she left. E latched onto her and totaly forgot about me and C. She even forgot to say goodbye to me! When she does speak to us its all "i sooo disappointed chaz cant be here" or she goes on about people from uni and makes me and C feel like she doesnt want to be here with us. So yeah, im not ready to let go of the E i went to school with. And E is changing faster than i can deal with. The new E is still great but i miss the old, and i dont think that E feels that same about me. Im pretty sure she has forgotten about all that and is moving on. I know i need to, its just not as easy for me. And C is miffed because they grew really close and all of a sudden "poof" shes gone! Anyways, like the title says. Am I wrong? Also, sorry it was so long.... i find it hard to word things efficiently lmao! |
I dunno..College does some funky things to people. I mean, I've drifted away from old friends, but I can't say it's the same because I haven't even tried holding onto them, for I had moved on as well. You can try getting back with E & like.. figure out all the newer things she's into, but it might be hard.. I'm not sure with this either.
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The college life can lead to stress, which can change a person a lot. Why don't you give E a call and reminisce on old times? Maybe she'll come to her senses and realize that doing drugs and sleeping around isn't that great [I have experience in the drug category]. Ask her some questions that might revolve around stress, and see how she reacts.
Talking to her alone will do a lot, and there might be something wrong with her that she doesn't know how to deal with. |
I don't know... I understand the bond you have with E. By human nature, we tend to latch on to the familiar and comforting. And it seems she represents a bright light in a dark time in your life. But people grow up, they get older and, for better or worse, change who they are. I think you have to examine why you're still holding on to her so tightly. Is it because you're really determined to carve out a relationship with who E is now or are you still holding on to the idea of whom she used to be.
I'm not gonna say you should abandon all hope with her. But understand that there is no such thing as a one sided friendship. It's like two supports leaning up against each other, holding each other up. You remove one and the other falls. You need two cooperating together to make the friendship work. It's the same with all relationships. By all means, if you feel this stongly I don't think you should give up. As thoughtlessamaya said, there may be issues in her life she doesn't know how deal with. But E has to be willing to make the effort. There's no other way. It's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And whether or not she indeed has problems she still has to meet you half way. Otherwise... If it were me, i'd let go and move on. |
Thanks for the advice guys! It really helps to hear the opinion of other people. Next time shes back i might suggest we hang out for a while, just us two. Im not sure about her being stressed and all that. Obviously its impossible for me to know for sure but apart from the bullying at school she has never let anything get to her. I just find it really hard to imagine her having problems.
But yeah, i think ill email her today. Maybe tell her that i miss spending time with her. I dunnoo, hopefully it will all come to me when i get to writing it. Anyways thanks again all! XD |
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