Dummies Guide: How NOT to Destroy a Universe: [Iro and Seito]
 

Ita was an idiot.

He had gone and said something stupid to the possible love interest LOVE OF HIS LIFE and she ran off. He knew he was pushing her buttons, but he didn't think she would take it so personally and leave him completely! (He did, however, have to give a good job for he hadn't seen that many different expressions of emotions on her face since, well actually he had never seen that many different expressions of emotions on her face before. She clearly was recovering.)

On top of it all, it wasn't a "I'm leaving you to go back home!" type of leaving either! It was a "I'm leaving, never coming back, and have no intentions of seeing you EVER. AGAIN." type of leaving.

In layman terms, she had chosen to reality jump to get as far away as possible. Given that there were countless realities and universes in existence, finding her would be like finding a needle in a haystack. That was a okay though. Being immortal had it perks after all. He had all the time in the universe to find her, beg for her forgiveness before choosing to kidnap her back home. Ita just hoped his side of the family never found out... or stars forbidden, her brother.

He just hoped he would find her... soon.

It was a good day. That was approximately fifteen minutes ago, before the universe decided that it had had enough of its occupants' indecisiveness and spontaneously self-combusted to save everyone the trouble*.

Hazariyu had been minding his business, sitting on one of the fancy arches on top of a tower in one the many huge and elaborate castles the world had with a man-shaped figure lurking behind him when it happened. Finally deciding that the bright light rapidly growing in the distance wasn’t the sun rise, he gave a small sigh, got up, and left.

---

“That went well.”

It was said in the tones of how someone would usually say, “I told you so.” The owner of the voice was the lurking man-shaped figure, if you disregard his unusually long and pointy ears. He also had a huge and positively fanged grin on his face. His name is Xaevan. He never got a response.

Hazariyu was currently taking in his new surroundings with as much interest as he could muster for a dimly lit alleyway. It had been a while since he last felt the pull of a world seeking for outside forces to interfere. Was that a crown he saw on a black cat staring right at him?

Xaevan was not one to give up. “Weeell, hopefully THIS universe would not suddenly decide to commit physical suicide like the last few worlds-that-were you chose to hang around at, eh?”

“That was not my fault**.”

“Although, one would have thought they would be much flashier,” said Xaevan. “You know, like some huge, fancy explosion or volcanoes erupting all over leaving trails of destruction, people panicking, and some kind of black fog of smoke in the skies, you know the one. A flash of light seems so… boring. You could have done so much better.”

“I told you. That was not my-“ Hazariyu began in exasperation, and then stopped.

He had heard something. He looked down briefly, and then he looked back up.

“I have work for you.”

Xaevan only had time to look mildly annoyed at the order before he vanished without so much as a pop.

A little relieved to get peace, Hazariyu headed for the exit of the alleyway. Or what looked like the exit, it was marginally brighter than the other side. He was going to wish he hadn’t exited the alleyway very soon.


* It had been a 3000 years constant cycle of self-proclaimed super-villains regularly threatening universal destruction and the eventual Heroes saving the day from said super-villains. You might think that the universe would be extremely grateful for them. Perhaps that might be the case, if those same Heroes did not have a tendency to initiate world destruction plans years later because they were bored of being the Hero.

** It actually was. Hazariyu had decided to play the Hero. Guess which kind?

Right. So three years, seven months, sixteen days, seventeen hours, forty minutes and twenty seconds after the love of his life had disappeared, Ita had finally picked up her trail. Sorta.

There were traces of her magical aura everywhere, but it was faint, fading with each passing second. Basically, it meant she had been here, but not recently. In fact, as Ita broke out his MUSIC* and punched in a few numbers, at the given rate of how fast magical auras fade from an environment, factoring her particular magical aura and some guesswork on how long she had stayed in this universe (Ita had a feeling it wasn't for long), she had been here three years, seven months, sixteen days, seventeen hours, forty minutes and twenty seconds.

Ita had found the first universe she had jumped to... three years too late!

Still he was determined not to give up. First thing first, find the largest reminding concentrations of her magic and hope for some clue, hint, sign from the stars, that would point him in the direction of where to go. Or you know, at the very least something that would distract him from his growing depression.

That was went Ita walked right pass a dimly lit alleyway and straight into person coming out of from there.



*Micro Universal System Instrument of Calculations. Fascinating little device. Ita had picked it up a few universes back. The seller said it a practically a small super computer. When he said universal, Ita didn't think it would actually work in all universes. Fascinating.

Hazariyu had mostly expected to see some form of dwelling or community when he exited the alley way. He wasn’t wrong; there were indeed buildings which looked like houses and people* going along their jolly business. What he did not expect was a black and white lump walking right into him.

“Would you watch where you are going?”

Hazariyu barely registered the annoyed voice as he staggered to regain his balance. When he did, he looked up and had only taken in the black hair and red eyes when a black blur flashed by in front of his face. Hazariyu quickly tensed, poised for a sudden attack.

The black blur, which had landed in between him and ‘red eyes’, looked up at Hazariyu with beady blue eyes and let out a long meow. Curiously, it had a small golden crown on top of its head. It then turned to stare balefully at the red-eyed man, who stared back curiously at it. After a few moments of staring, the man moved forward slightly and the black cat immediately yowled as it leaped and dashed off past him.

There were a few seconds of awkward silence, before Hazariyu tilted his head and said, “Huh.”


* In relatively terms. They were mostly human-shaped, but some had curious objects hanging off them. Like that one particular woman who was pulling a row of painted-wooden ducks, that wasn't even the most curious thing about her, she had blue wisps of smoke trailing her and a small ship on top of her head. Were those floating music notes and snakes coming out of their hair??

Ita blinked as the cat darted away. "It was a cat wearing a crown," he muttered to himself. Granted it wasn't the strangest thing he had seen but it wasn't every day one comes across a cat wearing a crown. Then again, looking at the people of this world, this was probably one of the more normal things.

Speaking of normal things, Ita turn towards the guy who bumped into him. "Who are you?" he asked.

"…Hazariyu.”

He inclined his head slightly, "I apologize for bumping into you."

Usually, he would have made use of the distraction to conveniently disappear so not to bring unneeded attention to himself. What stopped him was the stranger’s aura. Unlike the others, even strange the cat earlier, his aura did not fully resonate in harmony with the world. That usually meant two things, either the person had detached himself from the world so much that it failed to recognise him as their own or he simply did not belong there in the first place.

From past experiences, it was most probably the latter. Whichever it was, Hazariyu knew he had to be watched. The stranger may very well be the reason why he was called there in the first place.

"Well then, nice to meet you Hazariyu. I'm Ita," Ita introduced himself. "And no need to apologize. I was a bit snappish earlier, sorry about that."

Just then a girl with a birthday cake hat goes flying by them, crackling insanely. Ita stared at dust cloud trail she was leaving behind. "Weird," he muttered. "What is wrong with this world?" Nothing in this world made any sense. At least the last few universes he visited seem to follow the basic rules of physics (even though some of them were stretching it), but this one? This one seemed to take the universal physics rulebook, chew it up, and spit it out.

((It's so short. I'm sorry Iro! ;3; ))

Hazariyu felt a headache beginning to form. Why couldn't he land in a sane world for once?

(Because it would be just too boring for you, wouldn't it?)

Mentally shutting a lid on the voice, he concluded that he had been spending too much time with Xaevan. He was even imagining his gleeful pre-disaster grin.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Ita,” said Hazariyu, “And that’s alright, it was my fault after all.”

He pointedly ignored the girl who just flew by, idly wondering if the cake on her hat was edible. From the small crumbs breaking off it as it moved, it most probably was. It smelled pretty good too.

… Wait. There was an actual cake right in front of him.

Hazariyu looked down, and for a split second, he saw himself reflected on the surface of a huge lens before a flash of bright light blinded him.

The girl let out a high pitch squeal. "Omigosh! You guys are so adorable!!" She snaps another picture. "Are you the new NPCs?! You look different from everyone else!"

'Different?' Ita thought to himself as the girl continue to ramble onward. 'Then again, the lack of weird items around us would mark as different.'

Then a strange glint entered the girl's eyes. Almost subconsciously, Ita took a step back. He had seen that glint before. It spelled trouble.

"WE GOT NEW NPCs GUYS!" the girl with the birthday cake hat shouted.

Instantly, people seemed to stop what they're doing and started staring. Ita gulped as they started to get that same glint in the eyes.

"I have a feeling, Hazariyu, that we should be running."

“Stop tugging on my scarf. You’re choking me.”

“But it called out to me! See? It’s waving at me again.”

“…… You are doing that on purpose to annoy me, aren’t you?”

“Yep!”

They have been running for the past few minutes from what was a group of mostly screaming and squealing girls. The group seemed to have upgraded into a mob, set with actual heart-shaped eyes and heart-shaped things floating around them. There was also a suspicious lack of male entities on the streets, although Hazariyu could have sworn he saw one peeking out of a window of a flower shop before it disappeared quickly. This was not a happy development.

“Why are you even following me?” Hazariyu asked, quickly avoiding a bottle with some suspiciously pink liquid inside it thrown at them.

“Why not? Two’s a party.” Ita replied merrily. There was a sound of something combusting and someone crying, ‘My camera! My pretties!!’ behind them.

“You are way too cheerful for this.”

“You know it!”

Hazariyu bit back a sigh.

A few short moments later, a huge explosion behind them almost knocked him off his feet. There was a huge roar and what used to be excited squealing turned into terrified screams.

“It’s Frinkzilla with her army of freak alien babies!! RUN!!!” shrieked one of the girls, heart-shaped eyes all but gone. The mob immediately dispersed, running away in all directions.

“NO ONE ESCAPES FROM FRINKZILLA, THE DESTROYER OF FANGIRLS,” the large green being bellowed. It pulled out a giant hose and started hosing down the girls at random, even as miniature forms of the creature climbed all over the them. Hazariyu and Ita watched the spectacle in awed silence.

“…. I think this would be the perfect time to escape, don’t you think?” said Ita, after a few shocked seconds.

“Brilliant idea. Let’s go,” said Hazariyu.

They finally stopped a few blocks away in front of a store called Headworks. "This world is insane," Ita said. After a moment of pause, he continued, "I like it."

"Of course you would," Hazariyu replied.

Ita just smiled. "Life is too long to go on without a little fun." He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. Oh sure, those fangirls were possibly the scariest thing Ita has ever seen, but this world seem to be buzzing with a chaotic energy that would make good old Kaos giddy like crazy. (Tran wouldn't be please. Ita would have to remember to not tell Kaos about this place or face the wrath of Kaos' wife.)

"Isn't the phrase 'Life is too short'?"

"For you maybe!"

A crash in the store behind them broke their musings. Hazariyu and Ita turned and peeked into the store. Inside there was a naked man clothed only in boxers, knocking things off shelves. There was kid wearing a gray hat trying to stop him.

"H-Hey! Stop that!" the kid shouted.

"LOl i lKe tIS!!L>!! gIve GODL!!!! !!! !!"

The boxer-clad man was putting on a set of black headphones he grabbed from the shelves and was effectively avoiding all of the gray-haired youth’s attempts to grab him.

“Put that back! You don’t have enough gold to pay for it!” yelled the apparent shopkeeper, voice growing more frantic.

“LOLz! wHtever!!1!11” retorted the other man.

Hazariyu frowned slightly. That was an interesting language. He could barely decipher the words and meaning. They were garbled and had a lilt to the words which made hearing them more annoying than they should be. The man in boxers now had several hats stacked on top of each other on his head in addition to the headphones. He gave the infuriated shopkeeper a hard kick, sending him stumbling back into one of the shelves.

“Ooh... That gotta hurt,” muttered Ita.

“Mm,” said Hazariyu absently. He wondered what would be the best way to prevent the man in boxers from causing further mayhem in the shop without bringing too much attention to himself. Swoop in, knock him out and then disappear as quickly as possible? No, that would be too crude and cliché.

It was then that he noticed the shopkeeper kid reaching behind him to push a big, red button while the troublemaker was distracted by a shelf full of what looked like hairpins. Looking closer, it had something written on it in white.

“Aren’t you going to help?” came Ita’s inquiring voice.

“I do not think that is necessary,” said Hazariyu contemplatively. On the red button was the word “Report”. While Hazariyu questioned the choice of the word used, he gathered its meaning.

“Huh? Why is that?”

“If I am not mistaken, help would be coming soon.”

A thick white cloud of smoke suddenly filled the room. From the smoke emerged another person, female this time. She raised a large brown hammer high above her head. Written in red on the side of the hammer head was the word BAN. With one mighty swing, she sent the boxer-clad man flying.

The man in boxers crashed into the wall. The woman then crackled before tossing several white... ball shape objects at the man. "FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the white things cried. They began to multiply and dog pile themselves on the boxer-man.

"NO!>!!!. WWHKLPP!"

Soon the man disappeared under the white creatures.

Ita stared. "This... is an interesting place."

Ita chuckled. "I think he likes you," he teased. He picked the white creature up and dropped it Hazariyu's. "Maybe you're mommy to them?"

The white creature began to chew on Hazariyu's hair.

A wide grin broke across Ita's face. "He definitely likes you alot."

Hazariyu stared blankly at the white thing.

A huge puff of smoke blew up in front of them with a bang. The aforementioned woman with the huge hammer stepped out of it and looked at Hazariyu with the Jelly Evil Eye Ver. 2™. Hazariyu looked back. Long moments passed by, flashes of lightning flashed, sparks flew, that white thing moved on to chewing Hazariyu's red scarf instead. Distantly, he heard the ping of a timer and the crunching sound of someone eating something crunchy.*

Without warning, the woman lashed a hand out, as if to strike. Hazariyu raised his hand on reflex to block the hit and just barely stopped the slap to his face. Cackling loudly, the wilder of the giant hammer vanished with another poof of smoke.

Hazariyu slowly lowered his hand and noticed a piece of paper stuck on to where he had been hit. Gingerly, he unattached the paper and read the words written on it with a slight frown.

"Baby yan... adopted?"

"Bewbs!" said the white being again.


* "Where'd you get that popcorn?" asked the man in the gray attire, a little more than confused.
"It's magical!" said the man pulling out a huge bowl from a microwave.
"Can I have some?" drooled the man in gray.
"Sure!" chirped the other man.

And then they settled back on a sofa Lance owns for naps between work and continued watching the sparks fly.