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((*Guilty face* I do my work.....what I can at the time. But Flash is a pain to work with. *Smacks self* NO! I will NOT make excuses. You're right, this IS my fault for not managing my time, and I apologize.))
Edward sat back and crossed his legs under him. "Shiba..." He quirked an eyebrow. "We risked everything when we used that Philosopher's Stone Kiri left us...if that hadn't worked....we could have very well ended up dead." He looked away slightly embarrased. "Oh..yeah..about that..." He turned back with a surprised look. "Wait...what?" He looked over at the drawing and sighed, blushing. "Almost all afternoon.." He admitted softly. "I don't have the talent for it like you do...but...I thought...it was the only way that I could do something for you..and not have it seem like I was trying to buy you off." |
[No need to apologize... I guess I can just do work during my hours of Rp time... x.x' RP time, to me, is my 'relax' time. Its time I deserve]
"But didn't you plan on becoming 'fixed' again before you met me? Before you had the philosophers stone? I remember seeing your young face sitting in front of the colonials desk saying that all you wanted to do was get your little brother back the way he was, and you too. You were looking at your arm too. This was a memory of Roy's. So dont lie to me, you didn't change because of me." I folded my arms, sighing deeply. "everyone has talent, you just need to dig for it and find what you enjoy most." I looked to the dirt path and my bag beside me. "You...make it hard to leave you know." I said, smiling at the ground. |
((>.< Awww....*smacks self again*
ATONEMENT!!!!)) "We did...but..I doubt either of us would have had the courage to take the plunge...if you hadn't been there." He looked to the dirt beside him and idly began drawing a transmutation circle...it had been years since he'd drawn one, and it took him a few tries to get it just right...and he sighed. "I'm only good for alchemy...and being a Human Weapon..Shiba...that's all I am..the Fullmetal Alchemist...Dog of the Military." He smiled. "I'd hope so." |
I looked to him, shaking my head.
"I think you would have done it for Winry, if not me." I took his hand that was drawing in the dirt and held it with both my hands in my lap. "You are known to everyone as the dog of the military...the Fullmetal Alchemist... but... in your heart, what do you want to be?" i looked deep into his eyes. |
"Maybe....but certainly not as quickly as I did."
He let out a small gasp as she took his hand, and let his head hang. "What....I want...to be?" He sighed heavily and shook his head. "I.....I don't know....I honestly don't know....this...this is all I've known..what..what else is there to be?" He looked up. "What do they do with Soldiers that have no War to fight?" |
"The soldiers who have no war to fight go and train for the next war...or they become stay at home veterans until wartime comes." I closed my eyes.
"don't you have any dreams for yourself, Edward? Do you really see yourself being a wandering, lonely boy for the rest of your life? Without a home or family?" I looked into his eyes, tightening the grip on his hand. |
He chuckled, thinking that life couldn't possibly be that simple.
He shook his head. "I...I can't see that far ahead..now that I've come this far...the pages are blank...I had everything planned up until this moment, perfectly calculated...but now...I'm not so sure anymore." His face turned to a distant gaze, and he searched Shiba's eyes as if looking for an answer. |
"Planned? How so. Share." I looked into his searching eyes, mine filled with curiosity. What did he have planned for me? For us..?
|
He sighed and started.
"At first...it was just about how to get our bodies back...I had it figured that...if I joined the Military, then me and Al could have access to all kinds of information...then..the run in with Scar...for years we fought back and forth...then..you showed up and Kiri..and I wasn't so sure about anything anymore. After...Kiri died...and we finally got what we were looking for...I thought that it was going to be a happy ending...you and me would be together...indefintely and Al would be Human, Granny and Winry would be happy for us, and then I'd be able to get out of them Military, maybe set up here somewhere...but...all that I still had to plan out...and then...this...now I'm not so sure." |
I leaned in forward.
"You planned to stay with me? But... why lead me on in the tent without any reason?" I looked to the ground. "I cant stay in Risembool... North City is where I live...I still have to finish my senior year in art school...so I can get my degree...I cant just start a 'happily ever after' without finishing school. Plus, theres nothing here in Risembool for me... Id go crazy without something to do, or a city to roam around in..." I closed my eyes. "Why are you... not sure now?" |
He stood and threw out his arms.
"I don't know, I thought..I thought I could..but then...I chickened out, I couldn't bring myself to do anything, I thought I was going to hurt you...I-I just didn't know how to go about telling you...that I couldn't go on." He sighed. "I know...I know." He looked back, his face confused and wide-eyed, like a deer caught in headlights. "Because of those things that you just mentioned. I know you need city life, and I'd be happy anywhere really, but...you still have school, and I can't take you away from that...and even then...I'm still not sure for the exact reason that I hate that tent now! I can't do that to you again, and I can't so that to myself again either...I think...if I hurt you that bad once more...I might die." |
I looked up at him as he got a bit huffed.
"Hurt me? Physically? You know, if you ever feel like that or feel awkward you can always tell me, I'll understand...when you just left the tent... My heart sank...now... I'm afraid to even touch you, or kiss you in fear you dont want it." I looked to the ground, a small brisk breeze make the grass tickle my arms. The night sky was growing darker; no stars in sight; more storm clouds than anything. "Edward, couples always get into misunderstandings... more than you think. But...we've known one another for a while now, and we've only just kissed...I cant live in a relationship for the rest of my life without...love..and passion..." I had hoped he knew what I meant about the love and passion part... "Whenever we overcome a misunderstanding, a couple only gets closer...and more strong." |
Edward scratched behind his head.
"I know...that...that was stupid of me...I...I'm sorry..but I needed time to think...but...it ended up just being me running away." He turned. "Then will you teach me? How to love? How to give you the things you need? Shiba...I don't want to lose you....but I also don't want to deprive you of anything." |
I sighed, standing up myself and putting the paper over his art as it began to lightly drizzle. I put it under my trench coat, and slung my bag over my shoulder.
"It's ok.... plus i'm sure you were hurting...you know..." I pointed down, hoping he knew where I meant. I blushed...I guess he didnt know much at all about women...and what we 'need.' I knew it would be awkward talking to him about these things but if I didnt, who would? I then grinned... I had to have a chat with Roy next time I saw him. "Didn't Roy tell you anything?" It started to rain a bit more frequent. "We should get going... we can talk in the morning, I don't want you in the tent tonight." That was a lie. I wanted him in there, but I knew it would be too soon for him to be close to me again. |
Edward blushed and said nothing.
"That....that's not important." He said softly. Edward moved beside her, putting his hands behind his head letting the rain hit his face. "Oh Roy tells me a lot of stuff....not all of which is helpful in understanding the female mind...I mean come on, he was right in there, and yet he shares none of the information...how selfish can you get?" He glanced over. "I-If you're sure about that...then...who am I to argue?" |
I shook my head.
"It is important... I dont want you to be in pain because of me. Id do anything for you to not be in pain... and I know you feel the same." I closed my eyes, smiling, my hair starting to get drenched. "He is respecting my wishes, just as I am his. He and I want you to figure things out on your own Ed...every guy has to at some point...you just were too consumed in bringing your mother back and getting Al back to even think about women in a sexual way, and I don't blame you." I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Why the hesitation in your reply? Do you think differently?" |
Edward nodded.
"I know that...I just meant..that you don't need to worry about me. I'm fine." He stared ahead. "Peh, I've spent too many years learning the truth behind the truth...maybe I was just expecting things to be a little easier on me this time." He glanced over and blushed. "I..I don't know..I...guess I feel bad..if I leave you out there all alone...it's not the gentlemanly thing to do you know?" |
"I worry about you, believe me. I don't need you to be in physical pain because of me..." I started for the tent, getting out of the way of the rising water of the river.
I shook my head. "The secret to 'women' doesnt just come to you, you have to research it, i guess." I laughed. "I dont know how you boys learn about us women, I only know what us girls do to learn about you boys." I smiled at him and his blushing cheeks. "Its no different from before I met you; I'm used to being alone. I...kind of expected to be alone for the rest of my life...besides, you have a warm bed and quiet room waiting for you. I only have my sweet, humble tent." Lied. Again. I wanted him with me.. but I was unsure if I could keep to myself in a small space and private tent with him and in such close quarters... we'd obviously have to share blankets and pillow in such a small space... Id make the tent bigger, but now the soil was wet and impossible to transmute right...it...was for the best if he slept inside. |
Edward walked along slowly, taking his time even though Shiba was getting a little ahead of him.
"I'm more worried about you." He said with a smile. "Funny, because 'women' is such a short term in the dictionary." He sighed and let his head fall back. Rain felt good. He looked at Shiba, confused. "Hah....I don't suppose that would work both ways...we seem to learn in different ways." He stopped and stood there, the rain soaking his hair. "You shouldn't have to be alone." He said softly. "It's not fair....being alone...is never fair." |
"Theres nothing to worry about with me when it comes to that. The worst thing that happens to me is having to go change...no pain."
"And yet were so complicated." I smiled back at him, quickening my pace for the tent. I looked back at him as he stopped. "I'm used to it... besides... my Mother and Father are always with me in spirit...and Edward, if you havn't noticed, life isn't fair. Yah can't always get what you want, and in my case, thats you." |
"Really?" He looked up curious now.
"No kidding." He sighed and put his hands behind his head again. "Why isn't it? Why can't Life be fair?...who wrote it out to where everything has to be to freakin' hard?!" He looked at the dark sky and snarled. "What sort of 'God' would do that?" He looked down at his hands. "The only one that I can believe in..is me." |
I grinned, unsure if he was serious or not.
"Yeah... really." i smiled warmly; he was arguing with the inevitable like a child. "Because the ending result is only that much sweeter when you suffer and survive the hardships in the journey of life." He referred to himself as God...?!I was no Catholic or hard religious but noone does that. I stomped up to him and slapped his cheek...hard. "You are not a God. No one on earth is God. No alchemist is a God, Edward. Remember that." I headed for my tent again. |
"Hmm..."
"That's a load...it makes no sense if you've went through hell, just to realize you have to keep going through it just to enjoy what you wanted in the first place." He sighed, but suddenly felt a sharp pain on his face. "Wai--what?" He rubbed his face and stared off after Shiba. "What...what was that for?" He only questioned the reasoning of a god that would shove his creations into situations like this...he...did he really sound like that? ((Last one 'Night!)) |
"If God wanted everything to be easy for us...there would be no death. Some need to suffer to be successful, and some need to be successful to suffer. Its the way of life."
I glared back at him over my shoulder. "Alchemists are not Gods. We have powers that are limited, unlike He. Dont ever refer to us, or yourself as a God, or it will bite you in the ass later in life. now get inside before you get more soaked than you are.." I unzipped my tent, slipping out of my shoes and threw my drenched coat onto the chair. My shirt was dry, the bottom of my pants weren't, and my head was dripping. The drawing he gave me made it safly inside my tent without getting wet at all. "Dont worry about me being alone. Ill be fine." Lie. [night] |
Edward glared down at his hands, his face still burned. He hadn't meant it to sound like that...she really was overreacting now.
"Fine..." He said, hurt, he turned and without a second glance over his shoulder, headed back inside...hating that he'd left her out there on her own. But he really didn't want to deal with her philosophies at the moment...he'd had enough on his mind to worry about that. |
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