The Real Wonderland
 

Not sure what to put down, so I guess I'll start with the basics.

My name is Alexander Spejl. Everyone calls me Alex, though. I'm eighteen years old, and live in lovely Britain. I'm writing all this because my therapist has said I should keep track of my thoughts.

See, I'm getting ahead of myself already...

My parents died. Just a mere month ago today. And they were all I had, in the whole world. Now, I guess I'm rather like a lost puppy. Or my head is, at any rate. I've been blacking out again, and keep having panic attacks. I guess I'm paranoid, since my parents were found. I feel like something is searching for me. I don't know what, though, and I'm afraid I'll end up like them. Constantly looking over my shoulder, ya know?

Oh, God. Now I'm asking you questions. I truly have gone mad.

Anyway. I haven't been feeling normal, either. My vision gets rather fuzzy sometimes and I keep seeing strange things that shouldn't be there. Dr. Falde says it's called Schizophrenic. I dunno. Too many technical terms for me.

So this is the first entry, I suppose. Feels much like a teenage schoolgirl. This is ridiculous.

12-20-12
Alex Spejl

The blond male leaned back at the table, staring at the plain fifty pence notebook he'd gotten earlier today. His blue eyes blinked as his world became fuzzy for a second. A few blinks later and it was clear again. Alex shut his new notebook, and began doodling on the cover, thinking.

His hand moved quickly, though he didn't truly think about his hand, instead thinking of his empty pantry. His job at the watch shop paid well, but to be frank, Alex just hadn't felt much like eating. He had far more issues than he'd wrote down. Manic depressive, schizophrenic, possible borderline personality disorder. His head was in shambles, and felt like it was falling apart. "Just my hormones. All screwy and such." The male's voice was deeper than was expected.

It took much longer than it used to, but eventually, Alex forced himself to stand. He moved through his flat, donning his coat and shoes. Perhaps is was the bachelor aspect, or perhaps he was obsessive compulsive as well, but in his home, everything had a spot and was put away neatly. Alex paused by the mirror, staring at himself. He was much paler than he should be, and dark circles sat under his eyes, revealing another issue. Insomnia. The male cursed at his haggard reflection, before slamming his door behind his retreating form.

Alex grabbed a hot dog from a street vendor, nibbling as he walked. He didn't stand out from any other person on the cold London streets. He wasn't particularly tall, nor was he short. His clothing was simple, a t-shirt depicting a group of rabbits, three brown rabbits munching on carrots, and one white rabbit apart from the rest with a rack of ribs. Another curse left the male as a bit of mustard fell from the doily around his hot dog and left a smudge on his shirt. "My favorite shirt..." Alex wasn't watching where he was going, trying to wipe the smear off, ending up apologizing to a stranger for bumping into him. No time to stop, though, and Alex continued on.

A normal day, a normal life.

But a not so normal boy, with a very not normal mind.

“Care for a spot of tea my friend?” yellow eyes blinked lazily in a pale face half hidden by a shock of purple hair. The Cheshire Cat watched the tea party from his perch on a branch hanging dead center over the middle of the table. With a quick shake of his head he flipped his hair out of his eyes. “Wonderland is in a time of crisis and all you dodo's can think of is your precious tea.” With each shake of his head another body part slowly disappeared, first a leg, then an arm making him appear an amputee.

Jumping from his spot on the branch he landed on the center of the long table that dominated the lawn in front of Hatters house, tea cups rattled on their saucers and a pitcher of cream fell over. Walking along the table he stepped around cups, plates, tea pots, and pitchers of cream, hopping off the head of the table he sauntered into the woods ignoring the insane laughter that sounded behind him.

Wonderland certainly had changed over the past few years, crystal clear waters were now a murky brown full of sludge and garbage, the very air itself was a haze of pollution and smoke. Wonderland hadn't always been this way, hadn't always been so dark, not when Alex was here. A train horn sounded in the distance, this was a new addition to Wonderland having popped up only recently, there was no conductor and it ran right through all of Wonderland.

Mid step he stopped yellow eyes narrowing, of course Alex, it stunned him that he hadn't thought of this before. Alex, Alex could fix it all, he supposed even he had been affected by the new changes that left so many Wonderland inhabitants so lost and forgetful. This whole world was directly connected to Alex's imagination, something was wrong with Alex so something was wrong with Wonderland, all he had to do was bring Alex here and show him Wonderland. Perfect.

Somehow he found himself at the rabbit hole, and then in a small wooded area. As he wandered the streets of London searching the faces of each little boy he passed he realized it had been years since he had seen Alex last. So that would make him older now, straightening from his resent inspection of a child he bumped shoulders with a blond haired young man. Flashing most of himself visible, all except for his ears and tail, he did a double take recognizing the stance of a boy he knew in the man who was walking away from him. He tailed after him shadowing his footsteps “..Alex?”

Rubbing the smear wasn't working very well. While the yellow had been removed from the black, but a smear still made the small area darker. Feeling like an idiot, he lifted the area to his mouth, trying to suck the small partials off. It was then someone called his name.

He turned quickly, the ice blue eyes wide, caused by his raised eyebrows. A strange man stood in front of him, with shocking purple hair. It took a moment for Alex to comprehend. But of course, his looks were all explainable. His strange eyes were simple contacts, and the hair was clearly dye. He would never understand why people nowadays were doing this to themselves. The eyebrows dropped and Alex's vision became fuzzy. For a second, Alex knew him. Then the feeling was lost, and Alex looked confused. "Mff mow eeiioo?"

Embarrassed, the blond spit his shirt out, straightening it. "Uhm, sorry. Hullo. Forgive me...I seem kind of...iffy... lately... Have we met?" He questioned, then glanced at his watch. "Uhm...you know...forgive me again, but I'm really very late...I had to do this thing for...nevermind. I'm late for my shift...I'm sorry...perhaps we can catch up another time, yea?" Alex spun on his heel, starting away again.

The boy had changed that much was clear, but it was still him as sure as a cat can smile that was the Alex from his memory. Much changed he was it seemed, and it wasn't just that he was older, it was something more. He looked hollow inside lost inside his own skin. Ignoring the stares of the people on the street the Cheshire Cat watched the blond young man's retreating back until he rounded a corner and disappeared.

“That was quicker then I thought” he murmured under his breath as he finally set off after Alex, with each step he took he flickered in and out of sight almost like a light bulb that's about to go out. Rounding the corner he disappeared entirely the only evidence of him being the thin shadow that dogged a blond man down the street.

The bell over the door to the shop jingled as the door opened blown open seemingly by the wind, had anyone taken the time to look closer they would have seen a shadow slip inside. The Cheshire Cat glided along row after row of watches in all shapes and sizes, slim fingers reached out and picked one up cradling the pocket watch in his palm “the White Rabbit would love this” looking around superstitiously although no one could see him anyway he pocketed the watch before continuing on his way to the counter. Just before he came in view of the counter he popped into view.

“Every adventure requires a first step. Trite, but true, even here. Are you ready for your adventure my friend?”

Alex had moved along quickly and as soon as he entered the shop, the little first shift blond darted out the door. Before she could open it, it flew open the bell clanging loudly. "oi! You didn't close the door properly! She barked out. Alex didn't respond, putting his jacket away in the back room. The girl shook her head, tugging the door shut as she left. A minute later, and Alex sat qt the counter. A quick glance had revealed no one was there, and so he opened his bag.

Inside were various books and notepads. Alex drew out a large, heavy book and opened it. "Working in a tiny watch shop, and studying the biology of single celled organisms... should be a riveting day..." The male muttered.

A voice spoke, jerking Alex away from his book. The boy sli8d from the chair, standing. his eyebrows lifted, and he glanced to the door. "Just a second ago...but...how..." Alex's voice faded, and he focused on the customer again. It was the boy from the street. "You again? What's this about an adventure? Look, I'm sorry, but ik you don't wish to purchase anything, you'll have to go...why did you follow me?" Those yellow eyes...for a split second, that feeling was back. Somehow...Alex knew him. Even after the feeling left, a shadow of the dream remained. "Wait...you..."

His imaginary friends...his world he'd hidden in...his own private wonderland. "You were in my dreams...years ago..." He was whispering, almost talking to himself. "But...I'm dreaming..? Why would you be in my dreams again...I...don't...understand..."