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SHENANIGANS! A private roleplay
//:SHENANIGANS!:\\
- No vampires. ...........................- No yaoi. ................................................- No characters. Just four batshit crazy people pretending to be in a situation they're not in. More specifically, a road trip from the USA to Australia. (Don't even ask how that works.) Current Posting Order: Christy, Kevin, Harold, Nancy Graveyard: No one REMEMBER
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//:The Kenny Rule:\\
For example, the posting order is Kevin, Me, Harold, Nancy. After my post, Harold has 24 hours to post his next post. If in those 24 hours he fails to post, his turn is forfeited and he "dies." The next person in line may choose to either "kill" Harold (write a short, silly bit detailing his death), or may continue on normally, writing him in as usual. The posting order is now Kevin, Me, Nancy. Should Harold return and wish to rejoin, he can post at any time, regardless of order. He can post a short bit mock-explaining his absence if he was killed (he was resurrected, he went out to get milk, that was a dummy that we saw killed, or he can act as if nothing happened, in true Kenny style). Wherever he posts cements the new posting order. Should he post after Kevin's post, it is now Kevin, Harold, Me, Nancy. |
//:Reserved:\\
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//:Reserved:\\
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Special Agent Johnson opened the file and leaned against the wall, smoking a cigar. “Man, you've got some serious explaining to do,” he said with a sinister chuckle. He handed a photograph to Special Agent McDouglas. McDouglas was visibly shaken by what he saw, but remembered the job at hand. Sliding it across the table towards me, he said, “Let's start at the beginning. How exactly did the fire start?”
Feeling my pocket vibrate, I interrupted, “Actually, could you hold on a second? I have to take this.” Johnson nearly swallowed his cigar when he saw me put my cell phone to my ear and begin speaking. “Mmhmmm. Yeah, got it. I'll be there as soon as I can.” “Wha... how did he even...” “What my partner is trying to say, Mr. King,” McDouglas began, “is that you were searched thoroughly before entering the room. How on Earth did you manage to sneak a cell phone past security?” Ignoring his question, I stood up from the chair and walked to the rear wall. “I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I'm afraid something's come up. I'd love to stay and chat, but I simply can't. We'll have to reschedule some other time.” Special Agent Johnson started to express his outrage and inform me that I could not simply leave whenever I wanted, when he was interrupted by the rear wall's exploding. “HOLY SHIT!” McDouglas screamed, shielding his eyes with his right arm. “That's my cue, gentleman. Cheery-o!” I said with a half-salute, stepping over the rubble and leaving the compound. Several more explosions later, I was standing outside with security hot on my tail. The bus swung around and skidded to a halt, opening the doors to let me on. “Good to see you again, Jerry.” I said to the bus's AI system. “Likewise, Master King. To where are we headed?” Strapping myself into the driver's seat and disengaging Jerry's control of the steering, I replied, “First stop: Strawberry's house.” There was a large CLANG as I drove through the double chain-ink fences and barbed wire. “Would you mind being more careful with me? That does hurt, you know.” “Yes,” I replied, taking a swig from my flask as we plowed through a convenience store and headed for the freeway. |
Three days. It had been three days.
Christy looked at her cellphone again, as if expecting it to have rung silently. It had not. Christy sighed and set the phone back down. No sooner than she had turned around to begin pacing for the fiftieth time that day (it's great for the calves), the phone rang. It could be assumed that at this point Christy turned, dove in the direction of the phone, landed, answered the call, and pressed the phone to her ear. But these actions happened far too quickly for any eye to comprehend. All that was seen was a broken table with a girl lying next to it, bleeding, on her cell phone. "HAS KEVIN CALLED YOU YET, IS HE THERE YET, ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY, COME ONNN!" An effeminate voice whined. "No, Harold, he still hasn't called me," Christy sighed. "CALL HIM NOW," Harold commanded, immediately hanging up. It had become second nature to do so over the past three days. Christy's phone logs were flooded with calls she had made to Kevin, none of them answered. They were supposed to road trip, but Kevin had seemed to have dropped off the face of the planet. It rang as usual, but this time... it was answered. "WHAT THE FUCK KEVIN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK ME UP THREE DAYS AGO WE SHOULD BE IN CANADA BY N-" "Mmhmmm," came the cool reply. "-OW THIS IS SERIOUSLY INTERFERING WITH MY PLANS DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO JUST SIT HERE ALL DAY WAITING FOR YOUR STUPID ASS NO I DO NOT IF YOU'RE NOT HERE IN THE NE-" "Yeah, got it." "-XT THREE HOURS I'M PUTTING A FUCKING HIT OUT ON YOUR ASS AND THAT'S NOT A GODDAMN INNUENDO FOR SOMETHING SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO MAKE A JOKE JUST FUCKING BE HERE OKAY?!" "I'll be there as soon as I can," Kevin replied, completely unruffled by the verbal raping. Then with a small click, the call was ended. Christy looked at her phone, not entirely sure of what to do. Laying on the floor in a pile of table, Christy was stunned. She had not expected such a response so suddenly. She was still lying there five minutes later when Kevin let himself into her house. He grabbed her suitcases, taking them out to the bus to load them in. Once the bags were loaded, he awkwardly lifted Christy off the ground. "Are we going on this road trip or what?!" He exclaimed excitedly. "But... you... three days... I thought..." Christy mumbled, allowing herself to to be dragged to the bus. A few hours later, a small, rickety-looking wooden sign appeared next to the desolate highway the bus rode down. YOU ARE NOW ENTERING CANADIA POPULATION: 525 it read. Behind it were millions of pine trees and a few obligatory mountains. "Do you know where Harold's house is?" Kevin asked, motioning at the map, not taking his eyes off the road. "It's the one that isn't an igloo," Christy mumbled, wandering to the back of the bus to get a fudge pop out of the minifridge. |
Harold was eagerly sitting on his front steps, waiting for a certain ride to swing by and pick him up after about a million phone calls and texts.
"Where the fuck ARE they?" He whined, flipping his cellphone in his hands as a nearby hunter shot down a soaring eagle, causing a puff of feathers to land on his head. "I wonder if Australia has any hunters similar to the ones I'm used to..." He dozed off momentarily, whilst Sweet Pea, his dog, ran past him, yelping as she dodged stray bullets from the shitfaced hunter, who was currently chewing on the wing of the eagle, claiming it was Canadian toffee. "WOOHOOTHISISSOFUCKINGAMAZING." Harold screamed, dangling by a kitestring, which was being pulled by a rainbow kangaroo that seemed to be the offspring of an orgy of rainbows, unicorns and kangaroos. And possibly a gay platypus. Either way, he was soaring along the Australian skies, in what he imagined to be a perfect transportation option. He was rudely awoken by the sound of a bus pulling up, nudging the plumberbutt of the now passed out drunk hunter, half an eagle on his beer-soaked chest. "CHRISTYKEVINISTHATYOU?!" He yelped, quickly tripping over BJ, his other dog, on his way to the bus. "FINALLY, I was worried that the snowfall later tonight would absofuckinglutely FREEZE MY ASS OFF." Snow in July was not uncommon in Canadia. He quickly pushed some suitcases into the bus, before packing a few duffel bags into the other storage areas. And then there was the mecha-vag cleaning system, god that weighed a ton. "Christy, can you help me with this?" Harold grunted, trying to lift the heavy machine into a side-storage panel on the bus. "Uh, sure, but, do you really need a Robo-hoohoo 2000?" Christy seemed a little uneasy by the fact that this machine had claws, but she shrugged and helped, despite her apparent injuries. "What the fuck happened to you?" Harold questioned, face aghast. "Nothing, just a little smashy smashy." Christy feigned a smile, bleeding a little bit from her teeth, before helping with a large hose, which was covered with sharp fangs at the open end. "What exactly IS this?" She asked, trying not to vomit when the claws undulated and burped in her face. "My vaccum system, duh. Gotta keep the power plant and hoo-hoo subway system clean." "Fine, whatever, as long as it doesn- AGH MY FUCKING TOE!" Christy was unfortunately interrupted by an attack from Harold's machine, which was now gnawing on her foot, particularly her big toe, which was quickly stopped by a swift smack from Harold's purse. "Damn thing, it keeps malfunctioning. But anyways, we need to go pick up Nancy." Christy and Harold dropped the machine in the side panel, locked it, and got into the bus. "ONWARD, KEVIN." Harold pointed in a typical dramatic gay fashion, then sat down in a squishy chair, pulling out a sushi-themed bandaid for Christy's toe remains. And so, the bus left Canada, and whilst on the Trans-Can highway, they only hit one moosii, and three bears on the way back to the border! "Hope Nancy is ready for us." |
"... and that's what it's all about!" sang Nancy, as she finished the Hokey Pokey dance/song number for the seventeenth time. Exhausted, she plopped down in her suitcase on the front lawn, awaiting the arrival of her dear sophisticated friends and their international tour bus. Adjusting her top hat and monocle, she checked her cell phone for what could quite possibly have been the 9,001th time.
Responding to a text from Jacob, who she plans on elaborating about later with you guys because this is making her super smiley and excited, a strong wind blew her over. When she looked up, there sat a largely immense, gigantular and hugely enormous, really big tour bus. With flame decals. ...although she suspected that they were ... real and not decals at all... Seeing that her friends have finally come to pick her up, she snuggled in and zipped herself into the suitcase. A sign read, "THIS IS NAN, COME PUT ME IN YOUR VAN. BUT ONLY IF I KNOW YOU. DON'T PUT ME IN YOUR VAN IF I DON'T KNOW YOU, UNLESS YOU HAVE CANDY OR ICE CREAM," accompanied by numerous doodlings of cute things, her friends, hearts, roses, and empty bottles used for throwing at people. Nancy hoped dearly that the people in the bus were the people she wanted it would be. A sudden thought occurred to her: "NOODLES." She shuddered as she felt herself getting picked up and set back down. |
Kevin sighed a sigh of relief as he threw the suitcase containing Nan in the back of the bus; his days of picking up random Asians because he can't tell them apart were over.
As he drove over Nancy's fence and mailbox, Kevin turned on the radio and leaned back in his chair. The sounds of bee-induced horror from the back reminded him that the tourbus lacked a radio, and instead has a bee swarm release button, a device he swears he knows nothing about. He swiftly righted his error by releasing the wombats. Or was it bloodhounds that eat bees? Meh, same difference. After some time, he pulled into a rest area to grab some food. "Do you guys want Burger King or Nathan's?" he shouted to the passengers. "OH DEAR GAWD HELP US OUR FACES ARE BEING EATEN OH THIS IS HORRIBLE AUGHHHH" "Guys, they don't even HAVE a Wendy's here!" "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO A WORD WE- AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHGETITOFFME!!!!!!!!" Satisfied that pizza would suffice, Kevin drove over a dog and pressed the dispense pizza button. While Jerry distrubuted pizza to the profusely-bleeding rest of the gang, Kevin leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He raised his flask to his lips and took a heavy drink as the bus careened over the side of a bridge. "Sir, I'm afraid I must protest your intoxication while operating this vehicle," Jerry protested protestingly. "Intoxicated? This is YooHoo," Kevin replied, taking another swig. Jerry then set about to deploying the bus's flotation rafts and propeller to stop the bus from reaching it's projected destination of the bottom of the Mississippi River. Satisfied that the bus was heading northward, Kevin put his feet up on the dashboard and called back to the gang, "Next stop: Australia!" |
"Keviiinnn," Christy (now reduced to little more than a bloody pulp thanks to Harold's Robo-hoohoo 2000, the bees, and the wombats) whined. "I have to peeeeeee."
"Christy," Kevin replied calmly. "You know that 'test of the emergency alert system' they play on local channels? You know that sound?" "Yes..." "That is your voice to me. Go away," Kevin said, shooing Christy away with both hands - he was driving with his feet at this point. Sulking, Christy walked to the back of the bus as Nancy pushed the last wombat out the rear door. "Dammit, I'm going to be cleaning wombat fur out of my robo-hoohoo for DAYS!" Harold griped. "Are... you sure that's wombat fur...?" Nancy asked, looking like she might vom a little. "Harold," the moping Christy mumbled. "I have to pee." "...Okay," Harold replied after an awkward pause. "Are you... asking me to help?" "Indirectly," Christy answered. "Make Kevin stop the bus. Use your gay seduction powers." "Ewww." Nancy squirmed. "I... I'm cleaning my Robo-hoohoo, Christy. Not now," Harold mumbled, visibly disturbed. "HAROLD, I HAVE TO PEE, MAKE THE BUS STOP," Christy screeched. "Okay, okay!" "Wow, Harold's your bitch, Christy!" Nancy was impressed. |
"Fuckin' wombat fur.." Harold grunted, making a string of super-absorbant tampons to hopefully soak up the blood from his wombat and bee wounds.
He dragged himself to the front of the bus, before twirling elegantly, although he nearly fell over, tripping on part of the tampon rope, which was wrapped partly around his neck, choking him momentarily. "Keeeevinnnnn." Harold nearly squeaked, trying to untangle his spongy rope. "Wanna pull over for a sec?" He blinked his eyes in a failed sexy manner, as he draped himself over Kevin's leg. "I'll give you some more YooHoo if you pull over!~" He was nearly singing, as if he were some Broadway showgirl, but in a much more blood-choked manner. "Fine. Just give me a sec, I gotta get out of the river." Kevin rolled his eyes, before nudging Harold off his legs. "Woo!" Harold exclaimed, giving a thumbs up to the bloody mess that was Christy. He smiled, then walked back to the back of the bus, before curling up in a zebra-striped chair. "You can take a pee soon, haggy." He pulled out a poster of Taylor Lautner, before he pasted it to a nearby window. "There, now we'll have sexiness wherever we go." "Also, stop exploiting my sexuality, Christy, I'll end up dead with a noose of tampons if I keep tripping on Kev." "Nahh, it's too much fun." She smiled, her eye half-swollen from a bee. "..Fine, but next time, I get a cookie." |
Nancy twirled her hair as she sat on the couch-futon-seat thing. She was feeling unimpressed by the risque acts Harold was performing for Kev, so she decided to climb out the window. Unfortunately, she didn't realize the extent of how dangerous this was, so she ended up falling out and into the lake.
Sinking... sinking... sinking... The girl blacked out. After her eyes fluttered open, she stared up at a group of hot seamen. I mean, mermen. They were all shirtless and hot. Uninterested in them because she already likes someone, she swam off in search for the tourbus-now-raft-underandoverwater-vehicle. Surfacing, Nancy narrowly escaped the grasp of one of the mermen as he reached to grab her. She breaststroked back to the bus, rapping on the door. Since the tourbus thing was super magical and awesome, it opened automatically and she let herself in. Dripping wet, she announced her return. "HI GAIS, I'M BACK." Nancy walked to the back of the bus in search of the shower room. Little did she know, the mermen had followed her in. They looked kind of ridiculous, though, because they were mermen and they don't have legs silly mermen what are you doing in not-water you don't belong here. |
(*coughsorryaboutthat>>*)
Irritated, Christy approached Nancy with a rope. She tied it around the small asian's waist, and tied the other end to a convenient pipe located near the middle of the tourbus. "Nancy," Christy said levelly. "If you run off by yourself, we don't know what to do because this is a joint effort. Now I don't know what to do." Christy paused thoughtfully. "Should I breathe? OH GOD SHOULD I BREATHE? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO HELP HELP I DO-," running out of breath, Christy fell over, clutching her neck. "Breathe, Christy! Breathe!" Harold shouted, momentarily distracted from the slow process of disentangling himself from a seemingly never-ending string of tampons. With a loud and over-dramatic gasp, Christy finally drew in the air she needed for her usual loud, obnoxious ways. "Sowwy," Nancy said, making a sad face that brought tears to the eyes of all who saw. Ice cream, puppies, and hugs were given until she smiled again. "Now," Christy said, turning around and putting her hands on her hips in a back-to-business manner. "I must pee." Turning again, Christy walked to the front of the bus. "Number one, have we reached a pit stop?" "No, we're in the middle of the goddamn river," Kevin answered, driving with his elbow. "And I'm Picard, not you." "Pssh. Picard didn't drive the goddamn ship. You're motherfucking Wesley. Go get me a soda, Wesley, you little prick." "...Goddammit," Kevin sighed, getting out of the driver's seat to go back to the mini fridge. Her plan having worked, Christy jumped into the driver's seat and threw her arms into the air. "WOO HOO! We're going to Los Angeles, baby!" The tourbus abruptly turned as Christy spun the wheel about 16 times more than is possible with a car's steering wheel. After flipping a few switches, pushing a few buttons, and pulling a few cords, the bus sprouted wings and took off into the sky like the goddamn Magic School Bus. OOC: Change to the kenny rule. There's no reason we can't write a person in if they're not alive. So only kill inactive people if you feel like it. I wrote for Kevin just now. Makes it easier, really. |
OOC:
... XDDD I was in the shower... |
OOC: I"M TAKING OVER NOW!
BIC: "Sir, it isn't mature to pantomime throwing darts at the back of Christy's head like that," Jerry scolded. "You mean I'm not holding real darts? Dammit, that gypsy lied!" Kevin stormed off towards the rear of the bus, nonchalantly hacking away at mecha-vag tentacles with his machete as he went along. As he passed the Nancy, who was now foaming at the mouth and mumbling something about "Captain Ducky and the Quackateers", he gave her a booklet of kitten stickers, momentarily placating her cuteness addiction. Nearing the back of the bus, he found a small child what must've rolled betwixt the seat cushions of one of the cursed seats in aisle 57. Worried that the scared little bugger might hurt hisself, Kevin used his scout magic to securely tie the child in a Xgvthrmkkqdf VI knot in Harold's tampon line. Finally, he reached the minifridge in the back and checked inside. "Yeah, Christy. I don't see Crazy Bitch Soda in here. I think we might be out," he said into the intercom. "You sure it's not there? Check behind the- YOU FUCKER, I WANT A COKE ZERO!" "CRSH! YES HI THIS IS CHRISTY. DID YOU SEE ANY CRAZY MENSTRUATION RAGE SODA?!?" Kevin replied in a falsetto voice with a tint of a British accent. "Wha... That doesn't even... First off, that's a terrible falsetto. You sound like you're dying. Secondly, I'm not British. I'm from Missouri, which is in the United States, the same country you live in." "No, sorry. It appears we're fresh out. Would you like some tea instead? CRSH! WHY YES I WOULD LAVF SOME TEA AND CRUMPETS AN ALLTHAT! THAT'S HOW WE SCOTS LIKE IT IN MISSISSIPPI!" "I'm from Mi-" "-SSIPPI! CRSH!" "That's not even how that works, you tardmonkey. I'm from Misour-" "-IPPI! CRSH!" "Yeah, you know what? That's exactly where I'm from. I'm from Misourippi. That's where I was born. I grew up in and live in my home state of Misourippi. Now can you just get me the fucking soda?!?" "The fridge is mysteriously filled with YooHoo..." Kevin grabbed a bottle, dodged the column of fire spewing forth from the intercom, and plopped down in a seat, drinking the nectar of life and scouring his pockets for small bits of things to throw at Harold. Finding a tiger, he knew today would be a good day. |
Harold sat, finally untangled from the tampon rope's deathgrip, and he was now currently entertained by the crazy antics of Kebo and Christy.
"You silly fuckers, you." He shook his head, then proceeded to pull a large, alien-looking thing from his backpack. "Hey guys! Check this out! He's my new pet, Fgsfds!" Fgsfds clicked his teeth together, making weird sounds which unfortunately made everyone wet themselves. "What the FUCK?" Christy exclaimed, looking down at her newly urinated-in trousers. "I agree with the Misourippian, what the fuck indeed." Nancy nodded her head in a very sophisticated way, adjusting her monocle afterwards. Harold bit his lip, then wrapped an ether rag around Fgsfds' mouth, knocking the poor little guy out instantly. "Sorry guys, he has a weird ability to make people so mad, they wet themselves uncontrollably." He smiled, trying to use his gay charms to get out of the situation. "..So." He said a few minutes later, resting on his elbows, propped on Christy's head. "where exactly are we headed? I mean, it's been quite hectic and such, with all the pissing and YooHoo fights, and of course the rescue-of-Nancy." Harold sighed, then stared out the windshield. "Well, I dunno. Ask Kebo." Christy replied, fondling a plastic mudkip she had found under her seat, as if she were Dr. Evil. "We're going to a place where there is land and possibly water, and possibly people, if we can find them." Kevin said with a nod and a smirk. "We're going back to Canada?" |
Nancy burrowed into the space between the wall and the couch, pretending there was a hammock suspending her there instead of just being stuck. She was eager to see Canadia in all its Canadian beauty and glory, especially since she couldn't help but feel that she hasn't exactly been anywhere since the start of the trip. Also, they haven't stopped since... ever. And she really wanted some pancakes.
"Christttyyyyyyyyy," she whined to her friend who was on the other side of the couch, smacking the tampon rope with a rolled up copy of Rolling Stones. (aha, roll.) "Chriiiiiiiisttyyyyyyyyyyy..." Failing to catch her good friend's attention, she decided on another tactic. "...mew. Meeeew. Mew!" "KITTYOHMYGODKITTY WHERE IS IT WHERE IS IT WHERE IS IT?!?" cried Christy, frantically searching for the possibility that there were hypoallergenic kittens somewhere hidden in some nook or cranny of the bus. She carelessly ran over Harold and pushed him out the window in her kitten expedition. "OH LOOK I FOUND A KITTEN," exclaimed Nancy. She felt a whoooooooooooooosh and when she looked up, she came face to face with a maniacal kitten-crazed Christy, which scared her quite a bit. "... I... I... I only wanted some pancakes..." she whimpered, sliding down through the gap and sidling away. "YOU LIIIIIIIIIIIED. GIVE ME MY KITTENSSSSSSS." Little did Nancy know, the bottles of supposed Yoohoo that Kev had thought were in the fridge were actually bottles of Crazy Old Cat Lady Soda. Its effects were immune to misunderstood males whose sanity was often questioned by society but were still really awesome. However, to nice girls named Christy, the soda caused a cat-desiring frenzy by upping their kitten-want hormones. Thus, it was a very very very bad idea indeed for Nancy to mention kittens when all she wanted was breakfast food, regardless of the 0100 hour that it is. Nancy wondered if she should do anything about it. The space between the couch and the wall was pretty comfy, though, so she figured it she'd deal with it later. Then she noticed that Harold had been gone since 50 miles ago. |
"KITTAY!" Christy roared, raising her fists to the sky. "KIIITAAAYYYY!"
"Fuck, I'll get the tranquilizer gun," Kevin mumbled, getting up and heading to the closet near the back of the bus, leaving the steering wheel unattended. "KITTY!" Christy screamed, crawling around on the floor, looking under various bolted-down pieces of furniture for kitties. Looking up, she saw the unmanned driver's seat at the front of the bus. A ray of sunlight hit it, it sparkled, and a heavenly chorus of angels sang. Christy scrambled to the seat ungracefully, knocking over what few things in the bus weren't bolted-down in the process (including Nancy). Finally reaching the driver's seat, she began whipping the steering wheel back and forth, no particular destination (or road) seemingly in mind. Near the back of the bus, Kevin was just reaching for the tranquilizer gun (which was located on the back of a shelf so high that even he had to stand on his tip-toes to barely reach it) when the bus swerved to the left. He stumbled forward, smashing his face into a lower shelf, but also pulling him forward enough to reach the gun. His fingers were just about to make purchase around the weapon when the bus swerved violently to the right, throwing Kevin backwards into a wall. The entire contents of the shelves in the closet followed, burying him in a pile of tampons, sharpies, Tshirts, and anal lube. "Er..." Nancy (who was on the floor, holding onto the leg of a table to avoid being thrown about the bus) mumbled, noticing the pile covering Kevin. "Why... do we have... ana--" The brakes squealed, the bus jerked violently to the left, and then abruptly stopped as it hit something large, knocking all the passengers unconscious. The first thing that Kevin was aware of was pain. The second was that something was on his chest. Kevin slowly opened his eyes, and blinked a few times as they adjusted to the light. There was a scream. "You're up!" Harold chimed happily. "Oh, don't mind Fgsfds, he was just watching over you," Harold said, lifting the mutant alien-thing off Kevin's now urine-soaked chest (how he managed to piss on his own chest may never be known). "He helped me bandage you guys up. Did you know he was a field medic on his home planet?" Harold turned back towards Kevin after giving Fgsfds some iodine to administer to Christy, only to find that Kevin had passed out. "Hm. Oh well," he mumbled. The first thing Christy was aware of was David Bowie. Who knows why, but she woke up with "Fame" playing in her head. It happens. But the second thing she was aware of was pain. Or maybe a desire for kittens. And a fanatic devotion to the pope! Wait, wrong sketch. Scratch that. Let me come in again. "Are you awake yet?" Harold whined, poking Christy's bruised and bleeding head. That probably wasn't such a good idea. Nancy, like Kevin, was also also newly conscious and felt something on her chest. But rather than Fgsfds, this was a kitten. |
"Oh bloody hell," thought Kevin as he stumbled to the front of the bus, clutching his broken arm. He sat in the driver's seat and looked around for the medical sector of the control panel.
"Jerry, get my glasses," he shouted to the computer whilst squinting to find the button he wanted. "Sir, they won't hel-" "GET ME THE BLASTED GLASSES, YOU DEROGATORY ADJECTIVE NOUN." Kevin heard the distinctive buzz-click-click of a processor determining that it's user is dumber than a crayfish ("Sir, none of what you just narrated made sense.") as the on board computer brought him two champagne glasses sloppily glued together. ("So help me, I will install Windows 95 on you.") Kevin held the "glasses" to his eyes and then hurled them against the dashboard, shattering them in the process. "Ah, yes. Much better. Now where is that button?" Finding the medical sector, he deliberated on which of the two buttons to press. "Hmmmm... the one on the left is the 'Fix Kevin's Broken Arm' button, and the one on the right is the 'Give Sentience to the Robot Dinosaur Army and Cause a Mechanical Uprising' button. Or is it the other way?" "Sir, might I suggest that you refrain from using the medical sector of the control panel?" "Dammit, Jerry! These are my buttons, and nothing will stop me from pushing them when I so desire! Now, I believe I have devised an objective way of determining which button is which. Eeeny meeny miney moe, how many pieces in a dish?" Kevin's finger was left hovering over a button, which he immediately pressed. "Was it the healing one?" He moved his arm around, and upon noticing no pain or restriction of movement, declared success. After a moment of jumping for joy, he sat back in his chair and studied the console again. "Or maybe the robots just want me to think I pressed the right button..." As Jerry attempted to explain why everything about what Kevin had just said and done was so completely and utterly wrong, Kevin slammed his fist onto the unpressed button, also turning on the windshield wipers and right turn signal for good measure. While the robot sentience warning klaxon sounded and ref lights flared throughout the bus, Kevin was rocking back and forth in his chair, discovering the magical squeaky sound it made. |
"K-Kevin?" Harold sputtered, watching the bus go into total robot mode.
"What?" Kevin replied, kicking his feet back, sipping a glass of YooHoo with extra Hoo. "What the FUCK is going on?!" Christy exclaimed, also worried about the robotic uprising in the distance. "I mean, annihilation will NOT get us to a nearby restroom!" "Oh get over it, I mean, Nan is doin' fine, just follow in her steps and chill out!" Kevin called back from his chair, whilst Nancy was curled up under a chair, trying to calm down, pulling hoards of kittens into her little alcove. Christy sighed, then walked back to console Nan, when she realized Harold was actually here. "How the hell did you get back? You'v been gone for miles." She asked Harold, who was currently brushing his teeth with lime soda. "I got a drive from some Mexican immigrant who offered a ride to the bus in his hovercraft.. But I had to do some undesirable things to get the ride.." Harold shivered. "Wait.. you mean.. sexual favours?" Nancy sounded half worried, and half expectant, knowing this was Harold after all, it would have been more regular sounding if it was Keb AND Harold who got lost. "Oh god no, but I had to do a few polka dances at his grungy little hacienda back in Cozumel." "Then how the hell did you get back here so fast?" Kevin asked, lookign back into the main part of the bus, throwing his empty YooHoo glass into the road, hitting a pedestrian straight in the groin area. "Well, it WAS a hovercraft, and he was a GOOD driver." Harold acted as if travelling at high speeds from Mexico was a regular thing. "But anyways, I'm here now, so let's have a party!" Harold smiled, then pulled a rainbow drawstring that was hanging from the ceiling, triggering a disco ball and Queen music to be played at high volume. Also, there were snack trays and popsicles. And orange juice. With 7up. |
While the fiesta was starting, Nancy hid away into a small room linked to the bus through an inconspicuous trapdoor, camouflaged by the shag carpet that lined the general floor area of the bus. There, she prepared her kittens for battle against the robot dinosaur war that Jerry had previously predicted. Naturally, everyone ignored him, but one of the kittens heard him and cautioned Nancy, which provided cause for a kitten army... and who wouldn't want a kitten army!?
There were fifteen hoarded kittens in all - at least, Nan was told by one of the kittens as such: Cutesy, Mittens, Mop, Miles, Lol, Penny, Kat, Fluffy, Other Kat, Supercutekitten, Generallycutekitten, Kittencuteenoughtostoparobotdinoswar, 1, 9, 4, 17, Agent T, Seal, Van, Laser, Ryder, and Kittenwhocouldn'tcount. They lined up dressed up like assorted celebrities, ranging from Chuck Norris cat to David Bowie cat, and each were endowed with an inflatable toy mallet. Nancy felt that they were thoroughly prepared for combat. With Eye of the Tiger blasting through the mini-radio they had in the well-disguised room, she decided to go back to the party, because she kind of wanted some cheese puffs. Meanwhile, the tour bus was actually a Transformer, and as it went from a many-wheeled vehicle to a big ass robot, Harold decided to spike the punch. |
(sorry, forgot it was my turn ._.)
Christy sat on a chair, chin in hands, as the bus transformed in a goddamn robot. Nancy was clinging to the now vertical floor, cheese puffs in one hand and humming Eye of the Tiger for some reason. Harold was busy getting his groove on with Fgsfds at his makeshift fiesta, with his fancy mixed sodas. As for Kevin... Kevin was in a closet, trying to dislodge a false wall to get to the gun safe. All of them stopped what they were doing, however, to chant "TRANSFORMERS! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!" as Jerry continued shifting into various objects. Among them was a boat, a fighter pilot, a freight train, and somehow a pack of gum. "Wait," Christy said, raising her head. "If Jerry is a transformer, then he's a robot. Why isn't he uprising?" To answer this question, Jerry transformed into a vaguely humanoid robot and stood up. "Very clever." At this point, Nancy was sneaking back into her secret room with her cheese puffs. In the millisecond she had the door open, a kitten mew escaped. Christy whipped her head in the direction of the mew, and the camera zoomed in on her face in a dramatic fashion. "Kittens!" Christy dove at Nancy's secret room, somehow making it through before the door closed. "Uh oh," Harold said, turning to Kevin, who was loading a gun and mumbling something about Michael Bay. "She found kittens. Looks like it's just you and m-" at this point, Harold noticed Kevin had vanished. At this point, Harold also noticed that he was no longer inside Jerry. He was standing, mixed soda drink in hand, next to Fgsfds, in the middle of a deserted highway. "GODDAMMIT, WHY DO THEY KEEP LEAVING ME?!" He screeched in a rather femmy way. Kevin was now riding atop the erect (as in standing upright, you perverts. He's a goddamn robot now, he's standing. And he's a goddamn robot, so he has no genitalia) Jerry down the highway in a Yoohoo-induced craze. He may or may not have been swinging his fedora in the air screaming "yeehaw!" Kevin had kicked Harold out of the bus because he felt that he would hinder the mission (destroy the dinosaur robot threat), as he would probably be captured by the enemy, and then Kevin would have to drop what he was doing and go rescue him. He knew there was no time for emotional distractions! But there was time for yoohoo distractions, which had caused him to forget Christy and Nancy even existed, since they were hidden in Nancy's secret room, playing with the kittens, having temporarily forgotten about the threat of robot dinosaur overlords because OH MY GOD THAT KITTEN IS DRESSED LIKE HOUSE THAT IS SO ADORABLE HE'S CRANKY AND LOVEABLE. "Well, Fgsfds," Harold said, looking down at his small alien buddy. "I don't know if Kevin can handle the robot dinosaurs by himself... We have to help... but how?" |
I'm going to be really sad if this RP dies. :c
I look forward to it too often. xD; edit; wait wait no no xD; I look forward to the posts in the thread not an rp dying xD;;; |
"Balls to wall, boys!" Kevin shouted to no one in particular as he loaded guns into his gun that fires other, smaller guns. He was epically preparing for an epic battle of epic proportions that would epically be epically inevitable and inevitably epic. Epic. The epic mood was set by the epic polka blasting in- WAIT FUCK NO SHITSHITSHITSHITBUTTONPRESS - the epic Raffi music blasting in the background. After he was certain that he was holding more loaded guns than he knew how to operate, Kevin ignored the stairs going down and rappelled down to the lower portions of the tour robot. After some epic killing of robots and firing of guns and making of "PSHEW PSHEW PSHEW" sounds, Kevin reached the foot of the robot. "Finally, I've made it!" he said as he stepped into the teleporter which would take him to Jerry's mainframe computer firewall network CPU fatherboard harddrive in the top of the robot. Having been teleported to the mainframe, Kevin started randomly tearing out wires and throwing matador cocktails and rags at the components without knowing exactly how that was supposed to help. "That's what I get for listening to Russians," thought Kevin, reminding himself to not leave all of his gunguns at the teleporter next time. Despite his wildly destructive efforts, Kevin seemed to be inflicting minimal damage on the robots that kept performing the task they were designed to do: make popcorn. However, he soon stumbled upon the holy grail of computer components: The Really Important Thingermerbobbledoodad That Will End The Robot Apocalypse And Which Can Only Be Destroyed By a Gungun. "Fiddlesticks!" he shouted, not remembering the gungun he had taped to his back earlier for no forseeable reason. "Oh yeah! Thanks, Narrator!" he said, grabbing the gungun from his back. As he unloaded gun after gun into the RITTWETRAAWCOBDBaG, he shouted out, "Ring ring, Motherfucker."
When he woke up five hours later, the bus was back to normal and he only knew three things: -the rest of the gang were nowhere to be found -he didn't give a shit about those Yoo-Hoo-stealin' meatsacks -HOLYSHITMYTHBUSTERSISON Forgetting the two thousand five hundred seventy-six televisions on the tourbus, Kevin spun the wheel around in search of a TV, tipping the bus in the process and causing it to spin pathetically on its side in a little circle. |
"Wait.. where the fuck am I..?" Harold rubbed his forehead, and looked around, not recognizing his surroundings.
"And where are the others? I only remember the robot apocalypse.. and then.. OHSHI-" Harold frantically pulled out his man-purse, and clicked away at his phone, texting Christy and Nancy, since he was sure Kevin was alright. After all, this was a man who could drink Yoohoo, fire a gungun, and have sex with about 60 different people all at once. He was like a meme-loving Chuck Norris. "Where.. The.. Fuck.. Are.. You.. Guys..?" He typed out, sending the message within seconds. He plopped down, and got out his hairbrush, body spray, lip bvalm and concealer, and began to beautify himself, before getting a reply back from Nancy. "HAROLD. WHERE ARE YOU." Her text screamed. Harold quickly replied with a description of his surroundings. Nancy texted back, once again, and then Christy did as well, showing Nancy's forwarded message about the surroundings. "Oh.. that would explain things.." Harold sighed, and then got up off the ground, only to find Nancy and Christy half-buried in dirt underneath his gayfag ass. "OHAI. NICE OF YOU TO MOVE." Christy gasped for air, whilst Nancy energetically waved, after brushing the dirt off her awesome clothes and tophat. "Well sorry! I wasn't paying attention. I was doing my makeup." Harold said, patting his concealer into his cheeks. "Anyways." Christy sighed, her leg finally healed from the Robo-HooHoo incident. "We need to find Kevin and the bus, before he ends up in some foreign country." "B-but where are WE?" Nancy asked, pointing to the signs that had no details. They only said "This way to goddamn Candyland ---->" "..I suppose we're in near Candyland." Harold pointed towards the sign. |
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