I nodded slightly but didn't laugh. If I kept this up the change would never happen. But seeing him in pain is worse than death. Here lay james, just in his boxers, on my bed, Scaring the hell out of me. I felt his head and held on to his wrist. "You okay?" I smiled to make him feel better. The change was still not here. If i was here, change hasn't happened. Wait. When the change does happen; I have to go. Back to the skies. I softly touched his wrist in a circular motion...and I stroked his face. The faint voices of the girls left the corridor. And I felt a wave of relief. What I wanted was to take james back to his room, have him in some clothes, and make him go to sleep. He probably thought he was a kid or child asking a girl for help in pain. But I thought of me being his guardian angel, here to protect him from anything that will cause him pain. "Does it hurt? anywhere?"

I smiled back as I relaxed, the pain fading away. My breathing slowed and I looked straight into her eyes as my breathing became less heavy. "I'm fine" I said, though it sounded like a lie. The pain slipped away though and I was so relieved it had ended. I don't know what I would do if I was changing. I didn't even have the slightest idea what was actually changing about me. I breathed in a big breath and out again. "Okay, now I'm fine" I corrected. I reached up to stroke the side of her head, pushing her hair back "Thanks".

I smiled at back at him. "They don't call me guardian angel for nothing..." I was still holding his wrist and hand. I slowly let go of him and placed my hand on his. "Was that close or what..." I whispered with a smile and looked at his clothes on the floor. My thought made imagination and made me think of what would happen if they found out. They found out his clothes were on the floor in my room. If they found out james was in my closet, and that to only in boxers. I looked back at him and laughed. "When will this change happen? I can't watch you in pain....I can't wait to die...." I laughed at my comment...

I thought of asking her my original question which sprung back to mind when she meantioned 'them'. Who calls her that? But then she said something else and my face dropped, utterly serious. I thought she may be being sarcastic, even so, it wasn't funny."What?" I asked, I couldn't believe what she had just said. She wanted to die? My eyebrows set in a frown. So she wanted to leave me? Maybe I'd gotten the wrong impression. It made me mad that she wanted that after all that had happened last night and today. "What the hell?" I repeated slightly annoyed.

My mouth opened to say something, and it did. But something I did not expect. "Come on. You should get back to your dorm" I got up and picked up his clothes. I folded them and put them on the bed next to him. I didn't want to explain the whole situation. All the chaos in my head. I wanted to live but die at the same time. I wanted to stay with him and have a long life but I also wanted to die because he has pain attacks and people start to question me; like the girls. I avoided Jame's eyes. I had always wanted to die; from the beginning. I wanted to be up there and away from all this human drama. But then james came and I wanted to live because of my interest. I still do want to live, but something that I wanted my entire life was different than what I wanted for maybe half my life. I can't just blurt this all out to him...I thought as I looked at him with my arms folded. Watching him watch me laying on the bed.

"Anna!" I said loudly, confused. I found my head and formed proper sentences. "What are you on about? You want to die? Why would you want that? What about me?" My eyes were frantic but also confused. Why would she do that to me? But then realization hit. She had said.. die? When I change.. she will die? She'd said she would be gone.. and I hadn't had chance to ask her. I hadn't grasped onto what she said when she was crying. Did she say this then? It was one of my many questions. I blinked and kept my eyes shut for a second to settle my emotion. When I opened my eyes, I spoke, my voice croaky but quiet "You're going to die because of... me?... right?". I looked her in the eyes.

He yelled so loud I jerked back a little. I could feel my face a little scared. It was so quiet before...."james. I don't have a choice. Either I die like this...." I picked up his wrist and let it fall. "or the other way and right now that way is way more painful.... And I'm sorry..." I could feel my eyes tear up and my voice went out in sadness. "I would never do anything to harm you. I'm protecting you right?" My voice was as soft as it could go and then something he said made it raise and his eyes were pleading....pleading for answers. "Never. Never would you be the cause of my death." It wasn't his fault. It was my fault. It was all me. If I had never accepted. "This one is all me. It. is. not. you." I said as a final statement. He was sad that I wanted him now. I placed my hand on his again to satisfy I was here.

I shook my head, not understanding what she was saying. I lifted myself up keeping our hands together so I was sat upright. "You gotta give me some answers, you've got to explain this to me" I sounded desperate. I couldn't let her want to die. I couldn't let my pain be the reason she wanted to, either. Her eyes were moist and I didn't know why. I should know what it is exactly. I was more helpless than I was before. "Why would it be more painful to not die because of some.. stupid change I'm having?". "Why would you die because of my change anyway?" My voice rose higher. I couldn't carry on not knowing anything. I knew she was an angel, and if she was going to keep saying stuff like this then I had the right to know the rest too, right?

I sighed. "James..." I hesitated. "See...when a change happens in a person, mostly humans...they are needed an angel's soul to turn them into the change. In this case for you is a description of the real you. Your becoming a creature not known to mankind because your one of a kind..." I smiled at that and continued. "Taking my soul will make you.....you. More stronger. No one had offered to do this is in a very long time. I had step up to the plate. Some are afraid of how this will turn out..." I would explain him the process but I waited for his next questions. I wanted to get this cleared up right now. All this confusion.

I was staring at her open mouthed, trying to get what she was saying into my mind and process it normally. She seemed calm about saying this and even smiled at one point. How could this whole thing be amusing? I didn't want to change into some creature 'unknown to mankind'. I shook my head harder when she said that taking her soul would make me stronger. I laughed, surprisingly, but with no humor at all. "I am NOT going to take your soul". "What do you mean afraid about how this will turn out?". Damn right someone was, that was me! How is this even ethical? One like for another life, huh. So an angel dies to make an evil creature stronger. Yeah, that's a great idea! I frowned hard.

I frowned at him. I was used to this the whole week they were telling me about this. "They are afraid of how the soul conversion..." I looked at his confused face and went on. "See..." I looked away from his face. "It isn't only very painful to you but very painful to me at the same time. Maybe even more...sucking the soul out of a person hurts like nothing and then putting it into another makes them stronger." My mouth opened to say more but then I shut it. "I'm sorry.." I looked into his eyes. "This is all so weird to you..." And it was. I just told him the way you sucka soul from a body and put it in a human and make them even stronger.

I was pretty startled and my face froze into a bewildered expression. Not only was I cursed to change into an evil being, I was going to physically suck the soul out of Anna? I couldn't take this. Of course it was my fault. If I didn't exist, she wouldn't have to give up her life for some idiot like me. I grit my teeth and spoke through a tight jaw. "Who are 'they'?". I needed to know who was behind this. Who had made Anna like this, and who knew about this whole thing.

I shook my head. "They are angels. From up there." I told him to much. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to tell him about the change. "And james...don't try to stop this because the head angel is pretty.....tough. I told you way, way to much." I told him with no lie. I had seen the head angel even though she told me to close my eyes. I saw just enough in the 2 seconds. With a steel glove for her hand; I didn't reject her. I shook my head, regretting I had even told him. "No....james..."

"I need to know, Anna" I objected. "You can't expect me to do this without knowing anything". "I don't care how tough the head angel is, they can all go to hell, this is not happening" my voice rose loud until I nearly shouted at the end. I wiped my hand over my forehead and grabbed my head through my hair. "I won't let you die, Anna. There's got to be some way to stop this". I took a deep breath and my eyes looked around aimlessly.

I looked at him with eyes that never betrayed. "James. I told you everything. There is no way to stop this. This insane deed I took that can take my....life..." My parents would have been so disappointed when I would have come back and told them about this life threatening deed. Only if they weren't mad. "There is no way you can be so attached to me that...." I froze looking at the floor. James and the head angel Daphine. I shuddered at the thought but I didn't look up at all. My brain was too busy thinking about negative thoughts. I blinked a few times. This was all nonsense and I just couldn't take this anymore. I just wanted to be far from everyone and just wait for the change to happen. If I hadn't calmed him down a few moments before; I would be dead right now with my soul being sucked out. I did not shudder. I wanted it so badly now.

I sighed, looking down at our hands and bringing my other hand down to hold hers in both of mine. "I wouldn't have thought I could be either" I said quietly. I never had anyone I wanted to keep close. My family didn't want anything to do with me, teachers wanted nothing to do with me, noone wanted me in their lives. I wasn't used to being liked my anyone, and having someone I liked, like me back, was insane. I felt like I'd been drugged, I didn't feel like myself. Myself as in the loner, the trouble maker, the worthless boy which I was. "But I am". I looked at her soft skin, which was glowing despite her human form. She was so beautiful. "You're much more important than me. And I couldn't live with myself if I took your life for my own strength" I said the word strength in a disgusted tone.

I looked at him and gave him 'okay' look. "But james..." I was being so stubborn for his life. I wanted him and wanted him to be the most safest ever. My mouth was slightly open. I all ready imagined the bad parts. It was time to move on. In my most quietest voice I whispered..."you know whats weird..." I looked up in his eyes and whispered again "that if i hadn't had calmed you down just now...we wouldn't be having this conversation..." I wanted it to be quiet again. No more fights. My heart was heavy with all the 'your not going to die!' and 'tell me!' I was just so tired. But I didn't look like it. "we would have been some where far....far....away from here..." I whispered once more. I slowly pulled my had out of his hands...

It bothered me that she was sad that we were still here. She pulled her hand away but I grabbed it softly. I couldn't speak for a while; I just looked at her hand. She looked shy and withdrawn, "Sorry for shouting" I said quietly. How could I tell her that I'd do anything to keep her alive and healthy? I'd never had anyone that I could depend on, or I'd want so badly to be okay, so I was baffled by how to do it. "I just can't deal with this" I sighed "I don't want you to die..". I bit my lip as I looked down.

I looked at his eyes as they looked down at my hand. My voice was barely coming out now. I was still whispering..."And I don't want to leave you...." I softly brushed his hair out of his forehead. He grabbed my hand back and I felt happy that he wanted to spend as much time with me as much as possible. What I wanted to say was that I loved him and he was the sun in my life and if he went away; light went away. I smiled at him even though he was still looking down..."...I'm trying to fight for myself....but a little girl can't accomplish much..." I laughed lightly as I whispered to him... "but a little angel girl can try...." i was still looking at his downcast eyes...

I looked up, seeing her eyes looking back into mine. She smiled gently, but I didn't feel as happy to smile back. "And you think you can stop this?" I questioned watching her lips instead of her eyes, my eyebrow raising a little. My temperature of my skin was cooling now, fading away from the pain attack. Her hand still felt cold to me though. I couldn't help but picture last night when she had shown me herself, as an angel, when she said the word. It was dark then, and I wish I could have seen her more clearly. Maybe I'd never see her as an angel again. Maybe the change would come sooner, unexpected, with no time to try and stop it.

I didn't laugh. He was serious. I whispered..."if you can't....no one can..." and then I payed attention to his question. "I'm trying to.....I have been trying since year I started to watch over you..." which made me smile ever so slightly because of the boxer story. And then I realized that james should really get back to his dorm. I didn't bother to look at the clock now. This day was such a remembrance I wanted it to last for ever. "last night....was something I will never forget....and today was the day of a life changing experience...." I whispered to softly as if I was whispering to my self. "James...I will never ever forget you..." I wanted to lean in and kiss his hot skin...I stayed where I was...

I watched her lips as she spoke "Don't say that" I interupted quietly. I kept my eyes straight on, my face tense "We're not saying goodbye". There was no way I'd just let it happen, and definately not now. There had to be some way I could prevent this from happening, even if it meant I had to calm myself from pain attacks for my whole life. "We're staying together, okay?" I said though it wasn't really a question. I wouldn't take no for an answer. I held her hand a litte bit tighter, knowing I wouldn't want to let go. I wanted to be closer to her, to know she was there and nowhere else.

i stopped my whispering and whispered something else. "I'm not saying good bye. Never will I say good bye. I'm just letting you know..." just in case it happens out of no where...I said the rest to myself...James was here for me and I would have to learn to stay with him. But when I go to the head angel she is going to be really mad but I didn't care what she thought. I wanted to be positive like James. I hesitated to answer his question...."I.....okay..." I managed to whisper. "But you have to promise to stay with me..." I held out my little pinky to him.

Though her first words made me sad, the last bit made me laugh and roll my eyes. I gave in and linked my little finger with hers. "Of course" I sighed, my head tilted. I bit my lip and then looked into her eyes "And you have to promise not to just let me change so you can run away from all this" I whispered with a small smile, slightly pleading. I didn't want to use the word die, I didn't believe it was worth it, because she wasn't going to die. If she tried to stop what was going to happen and it didn't work, she wasn't going to stop me from trying. I moved my fingers so I could interlock our hands. Her fingers were smooth and cool and I remembered how her lips felt. I glanced quickly down at myself, I was still in my underwear. She hadn't mentioned anything, afterall, she'd seen me in my boxers before. But I still wondered what was going on in her mind. I hadn't even had chance to put clothes on before those girls barged in here unwanted. I was so glad they didn't hear me when I was in pain.

I laughed when he accepted my pinky and grabbed my hand. I sighed at his promise. I nodded to him in a gesture very soft. "I promise" I laughed when he looked down at himself. He was still in his boxers. He probably like the feeling considering the fact that he just had a pain attack and he was burning. "Is james in the mood to sing?" I laughed in whisper as I said to him, making a joke out of the whole "love story" thing. I wonder if he took this wrong because he was older now and way more mature. But memories are memories. I laughed in a small whisper again...he was in his boxers for crying out loud. I smiled at him.