Do you know what it feels like to feel the life leave a body? I do, to watch the blood running down the broken body, mixing into the muddy ground. It's exhilarating, to know that you can choose life or death to know that you are playing God. I'll admit it, as sick and twisted as it sounds. But the guilt after...slowly it eats away at you and you wonder if there is any good left after you've taken a life. It wasn't suppose to happen like that, really it wasn't. I...I just lost it and the next thing I knew he was dead. I don't exactly remember what happened, maybe its one of those things were its so traumatizing you're mind suppresses the memory, but I remember standing there after and just staring at him wishing he'd wake up, wishing he'd walk, wishing he'd tell me that this all was a nightmare a sick twisted nightmare that I'll wake up from soon. Maybe after class he'll be waiting at my locker like he always did with that smile on his face. I can dream can't I? But I know that won't happen after all...I...I killed him. I dragged his body and hid it where no one would find it. No one knows he's missing yet, his parents will notice first, and they'll probably call me. Then the police will come to the school and they'll ask me questions. But that's because we were dating they wouldn't think I had done it, I mean who could actually kill the person they love? Well I guess I can. And the saddest thing is until now I've never admitted it. But writing it all down makes me feel better, it takes some of the guilt enough of the guilt that I think I can go through with this and keep this secret and take it to my own grave.

"Hey Leo whatcha writing?" The blonde jumped as he closed the notebook.

"Holy crap don't do that!" He exclaimed. He knew that it would be dangerous to write his confession in a notebook at school but he needed to get it off his chest. "Just a story." he stated simply running a hand through his choppy blonde hair that always fell into his face no matter what he did to try to stop it.

"Oh can I read it?" Tyler asked leaning on the blonde's shoulder, since he was sitting down on the desk.

"No." Leo replied, "Do I ever let you read my stories?" he asked. The conversation seemed so natural. Leo was glad that he normal did write during school and he never let Tyler read anything he had written so it didn't seem so odd when he was writing in the middle of class.

"Very good point." The brunet replied. "Oh and the bell rang incase you didn't notice you seemed pretty zoned out. Are you okay?" he asked peering into the blonde's eyes eyes one which was a pale green the other was a sky blue.

"Oh." Leo said as he picked up his bag and stuffed his books into it slipping the journal into the back zipped pocket of the bag. "Thanks I didn't notice, and yeah everything is fine why wouldn't it be?" He asked with a smile.

Tyler just shook his head, "I don't know you just seem different. I'm probably just over thinking it." he said with a wave of his hand as the two of them made their way out into the hallway. "So where's your boytoy Leonardo?" he asked.

"Boyfriend." Leo corrected. "And please don't call me that." he sighed, he hated his full name. "And I don't know probably home sick. He went home saying that he wasn't feeling to good." he replied with a shrug. Which was a lie because Leo went home with him and his boyfriend was feeling fine. "I'll see you around." He said as he turned down the hallway to go to his locker where no one was waiting to meet him.

The feeling of death washing over your face is neither terrifying nor exhilarating like most would think. It's a simple breathe breaking from your chest, a single tremor of the body and the feeling of falling...falling down into a deep abyss where there is no jagged rock to grasp on to. No rope tangled in your hand, jolting it out of it's socket yet giving you a painful reminder that, yes, you are still alive.
No.
Death is warm and cold, a warm breeze of air, a cool wave crashing on your face. Only for a split second.
So, I bet you're wondering what it's like to feel death but still be alive. I can tell you it's not the most pleasant of feelings. You can feel the ache in your bones, the presure in your lungs, the jolting of your heart. At this point you only hope that death will take over, releive you of the misery that you try to withstand. But you know you're hopeless.

My name was...Alex...

My body jerked again as I felt something collide with my head. I was standing by my locker, the sounds of the night whistling through the air, but my body was yet to be found. Even by me. I could feel dirt in my mouth, crusted blood on my skin and the aches in my jaw.
And I sat there. By my locker. Waiting...

The students piled down the halls, their bodies barely a breeze through me when they walk on by. I reach out to grab one of the students, to whip them around and demand that they tell me they see me. But I cant. My hand slips through them, my voice a small buzz in their ear. I am invisible.

I stayed there waiting. Waiting for him. Waiting for my murderer. Waiting for my...can I really call him my boyfriend? Can I really say that I love him? Do I know him?
I can't say.
Yet I wait...
And he comes. His eyes are sunken, his skin is almost translucent. I can still see a bit of dirt under his nail. And if I still had a body I would punch that son of a bitch's face in. But I don't. And I can't. So I wait for him. For a clue. For a sign...For him to tell me just once that he loved me...
Leonardo...

He got to his locker and started to turn the black knob watching as he entered in each number of his combination. Two times around to the right 34. Two times around to the left 17. One more turn to the right 39. The gears inside give a small unheard click as the numbers lock in. Leo reaches to the top right corner and with the side of his fist gives it a good pound and then goes to open the door. It was a trick that his boyfriend had showed him when he had trouble opening his locker and from then on Leo never went a single day before whacking that corner before opening the green metal locker. He pulled the books from his last class out of his bag and placed them into the bottom part of of locker and grabbed the next books he needed for the rest of the day slipping them into the messenger bag that rested on his hip.

He went to close the locker but a flash of light stopped him. He opened his locker up again caught his own reflection in the mirror that stuck to the metal locker by a magnet. No wonder Tyler asked him if he was alright, he had dark bags under his eyes, which were extremely noticeable because of his pale skin. It looked like he hadn't slept all night, which technically was true since once he got home he couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Alex's dead bloody body, an image that would keep anyone awake. But with time he knew the guilt would leave, it always left, he just hoped that it would leave soon because he needed his sleep.

The picture in the corner of the mirror caught his eye. He tugged on it freeing it from being caught in between the mirror and the frame. It was him and Alex together, laughing probably at something stupid. The saddest thing was Leo couldn't remember when it was taken. He folded the picture over and slipped it into his back pocket finally closing his locker as the slam echoed through the hallways. Looking back his life really did revolve around Alex, and now that he was gone he was slipping out of Leo's mind. Maybe the blonde was doing it on purpose, he probably was, but he was determined to move on with his life. He had made a bad mistake, but he wasn't going to suffer the rest of his life for it.

He finally arrived. After hours of waiting for him he finally came. I watched as he opened it. I laughed a bit when he still hit the corner of his locker, a technique I taught him...over two years ago? It was a good memory...My hair was still black back then...

I remember my arms wrapping around his slim waist my nose in his hair and his body completely frozen over with annoyance. I always like to cuddle...he didn't like it so much...
'Having trouble with your locker?' I ask him. He grimaces at me. Probably a bad day...
'Here, let me show you...' I put in the combination and hit the top corner of the locker, something I had learned from my...recently...late brother. He just watched me as I started walking away from him, smiling to myself as I heard him slam his fist into the locker and the silence of the smile that came afterward. I didn't turn around to check if I was right.
Later that day I remember I saw him at the park...on the swings I think...I don't remember much after that...

I leaned on the locker next to him, always unoccupied by the student that owned it, probably because he shared a locker with his girlfriend or some shit.
The light reflection blinded him for a second as he started closing his locker. He opened it back up, inspecting...himself.
He stopped looking at his reflection and turned his eyes towards the picture. The picture that I hung on his locker a while ago. We were at some sort of party...I was probably too drunk to remember now. But I remember I was completely sober when this picture was taken...My hair was green that month...much different than the purple I have now...or any of the other colors I've gotten.

'I miss you.' I whisper in his ear.

The bell rang and echoed through the hallways that soon became empty as the people dispersed to get to their next class. Leo didn't even bother to hurry along because it wouldn't matter, the teacher he had was a bitch. She'd count him late whether he was a second late or ten minutes late so he might as well take his time. The hallway was cold, which was a normal because the school never put on the heating till the end of winter so they didn't have to spend as much money. The blonde pulled his sweatshirt tighter around his thin frame trying to keep himself warm since he was always cold. Usually that was Alex's job whenever Leo was closed Alex wasn't far behind always there to pull him into a hug and to wrap his arms around him to warm him up. Even though Leo would stiffen and try to get away because he didn't like cuddling, or anything lovey dovy or romantic, especially not in public. But the truth was he absolutely loved it he just wouldn't admit it.

It took him a minute to snap out of it and realize what he was thinking about. He was thinking about the one thing he swore not to think about, Alex. Leo sighed as he shifted his books into his other arm. Both of them were sore from dragging a dead weight that weighed alot more then he did and he wasn't the manual labor type to start out with. And the hallway kept getting colder, he had the feeling that someone was watching him, he quickly turned around but no one was there he slowly turned around again telling himself that it was just the stress, there was no one there. And that's when he heard it. It was soft and faint like words being carried by the breeze, but there was no breeze, and there was no mistaking those words, or that voice. The books slid out of his hand and fell to the floor with a loud bang but he didn't even hear it. All he could hear were those words repeating over and over and over in his head. Three simple words, I miss you nothing to get upset over but it was impossible for him to hear them. "No he's dead you're just hearing things." he said out loud hoping that it would convince himself. "You're just tired, over stressed, it wasn't real." He said again starting to believe it a little more now as he squatted down and started to pick up his books and papers that had scattered all over the floor.

I watched as his books scattered over the hallways. His face was paler than it had been only two seconds ago only...more of a greener tint to it. He looked like he was going to be sick.
My first mental reaction was to grab the nearest garbage can and pick up the books he just dropped. But when my hand ghosted through Leo's blond hair I remembered. I punched the back of his head, knowing he couldn't feel it. I apologized mentally afterward.
He started collecting his books, I sat there and watched, feeling my favorite sweater go chill with the feeling of condensation. I ignored it. I also ignored the fact that I couldn't feel my feet anymore, they must have frozen off.
I keep my eyes on him, wantful. For one last kiss. One last hug. One last good bye. Anything besides this silent torture I have to endure for the rest of my nonexistence. I gave up on god when I was seven and my parents stopped taking me to church, claiming it was a waste of time. But over the last twenty four hours...I've started to feel that maybe there is a God. A very cruel God, probably by the name of Satan. But I attempted anyway.
"God...Why?" I whisper.
"Why?" I watch Leo pick up his last piece of paper and scream.
"FUCK. WHY?!" It was only me who could hear the pounding of my fists against his locker.

((Sorry I was gone so long, I was busy and then I had a trip down to NYC. Things have finally calmed down again. Thank you for your patience, next time I'll try to warn you in advance :3))

The cold was lingering in the air. And it was getting worse, even colder if possible. The blonde was shaking and he heard his teeth chattering, clicking against each other. He couldn't remember when the school hallway had been this cold, he felt like he was in an ice box. And the weird thing is that it was only fall, true the season was almost over and there was a chill in the air, but there was no way that the hallway should have been as cold as it was. Letting a breath out he watched it form into steam rising towards the ceiling. It was cold enough that he could see his own breathe. He knew something was wrong, he could feel it. He didn't know what was wrong, but he didn't want to stick around to find out. He wanted to get the hall out of this hallway. He grabbed all the papers and hastily put them into a single pile, not caring that they weren't in order by class and by date, not even caring that they weren't all facing the same direction. This was odd because Leo was so organized that it was borderline OCD. Everything had to be in the right order and be in the right place, he was a perfectionist. But he wanted to get out of that hallway he didn't even care that they were out of order. The papers slipped out of his shaking hand, and he swore quickly trying to collect them into a pile.

And that's when Leo heard the scream. There was no way that he could have imagine that scream, it echoed off the walls. The venom, the anger, the anguish, so much raw emotion was put into those two words. The blonde quickly turned around, paralyzed with fear. "Who's there?" He asked his voice squeaking a little which only happened when he was scared. No one could be possibly be there, there was no place to hide. The hallway was a dead end. There was no way he could have imagined the screaming but no one was there. Slowly he started to back up but he was going crooked so his back hit one of the lockers and he screamed from fear, only to realize that he had just ran into a locker. His breath was coming in short gasps as his heart pounded. "Leave me alone, please. Who ever you are, just leave me alone!" He screamed.

((I'm also sorry, I took a trip down to Washington D.C and forgot to post before I left. 8,D))

I scratched my nails down my face, I couldn't feel a thing. I couldn't even mourn myself, cry, beat myself up. Instead I was tortured to endure my non-existence. To do the only thing I could; watch over him. I had to find out why. Why he had taken it to the extreme. Why he KILLED me.
His papers weren't in order. His books weren't according to class, everything about him was in shambles, and when he screamed I knew something was wrong. He had a reaction. I was a ghost. No more. And...yet?
"Leo..?" I attempted...without much hope...to speak with him. I put my hands on his shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes, his back up against the lockers. "Can you...hear...me?" If I was alive my heart would have been pounding with anticipation. This was my only hope.
The first person I went to when I died was my mother. Big help she was, didn't even realize I wasn't in bed all night, didn't realize that I wasn't just sleeping in, that I hadn't been there all NIGHT. I screamed at her, punched at her, no reactions, not even a damn chill that I heard ghosts give off. I was completely alone.
I attempted visiting my brother...well...my brother's grave. He passed away a while ago to a drunk driver. He was walking home with, what do you know? Some beer. The irony kills me. I hoped, that while I was dead and he...well. He wasn't there. He could be ANYWHERE for all I know, touring France, Chicago, Washington. I bet he's happy at least. The chains of my parents no longer holding him down.
Heh. I didn't care about travel. I didn't want to leave. I would have endured my parents for a life time to have...
What I used to.

His heart was beating loudly, it was the one thing he could hear. The frantic, uneven beats of what was keeping him alive, what was telling him that this was real this wasn't just another nightmare. All of his senses were heightened and adrenaline pumped through his body he was waiting for something to happen. Leo felt his shoulder tingle and he flinched looking at his shoulder, and nothing was there; there was no pressure on his shoulder, no weight. All there was was the electric tingle he got every time Alex touched him. And no matter how much time had passed that he and Alex had been together. That tingle had never left; but now he was wishing it had, because all of this was leading to one thing.

Alex physically might be dead but his spirit wasn't. Leo was never one to believe in the supernatural. He would laugh at people who thought spirits existed. He didn't believe there was a heaven or a hell, he didn't believe in anything at all. He believed that if you died, you just stopped existing. If Alex was a ghost then everything Leo believed was wrong. Leo was sure that Alex wanted to get revenge for his death. He was scared of what Alex would do. He could haunt Leo forever and make it impossible to forget what he had done. Leo needed to get rid of the other at any means necessary.

The blonde jumped at Alex's voice. He expected it to be harsh and anger. But it sounded so desperate and lost it made what Leo had to do even harder. He tried to ignore the feeling of someone standing in front of him as he looked around trying to make it seem like he hadn't heard anything. "No one is there. Pull yourself together, you're going crazy." He said shaking his head. He tried to act convincing and he hoped that he was. But his eyes gave him away, and Alex had known him so long he knew that the other male could probably see right through him. But he hoped that in Alex's confusion and despair he wouldn't catch it.

((GAAAH. Serious writers block! I tried my best to push this baby out.))

For the life of me (haha) I couldn't remember how I died. It was all completely a blur to me. I didn't understand how I got there and why all of my memories were fading so fast. 'Is this what happens? Is this what the future will bring me?' I would only want to haunt and take out my anger on others. I know this. This is how it works. How the paranormal go about. Everything about me was going to fade and disappear forever. And Leo...Leo.
I needed to get his attention. I needed him to get over himself and realize he was not crazy. He was far from it.
I couldn't feel my pulse at that point, and my panic was driving me over the edge. So I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could. Screamed bloody murder. So Leo would know. That I was hear. And he had to pay attention to me. He had to. He had to explain to me. Talk to me.
And I had to understand. Why he did what he did. How he did it. How he COULD do it.
And he thought HE was going crazy.
I smashed my hands against the walls, jumped up and down. Screamed. Oh did I scream. I yelled, cursed, and spat. Not at Leo. Never at Leo. I couldn't bring myselfto. One ghostly punch in the face was enough for me. Because I still loved him. Oh yes. With all that was left of me I loved him.
And I wanted him to know that.
I switched from rage. I wasn't angry. I just wanted him to know. I wanted him to aknowledge me. Tell me just...once. That he loved me back.
I know he could hear me. He was always a bad liar.