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Josh snorted, and then looked over at Lawrence, tears brimming in his eyes. “If I let it out then my family would hide me away for as long as they could. They would claim to all their friends that I died or became deathly sick so I can never see anyone but them.” He wanted so much to be held in caring hands, to not fear what would happen when others saw.
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Lawrence, feeling a tad awkward, reached out and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "...Why don't you tell me?" he asked, kindly. He was hoping that by now, Josh saw him as a neutral party and would be willing to talk to him. He was sure he would feel better after having a nice talk with someone on the matter.
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“As I kid people beat me up, that is why I have become the way I am.” He sniffed and turned his face away a tear trickling done his face. “it was why I first changed school, my mother saw me on Easter break with a black eye, she would not believe me when I told her that I fell.” He smiled weakly. “Not like I expected her to believe that old story. After that I was moved, and moved again.” Something was weighing heavy on his mind but he was afraid of saying, hoping that Lawrence would not ask. He liked this guy, even if he was a total spud when it came to clothes.
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Lawrence nodded, resting his head on his shoulder. He was hoping the slight contact, knowing that someone was there, would comfort him. "...What else? There's more...I can tell."
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“are you sure you want to know?” he gently touched Lawrence’s hand, it seemed so warm and soft. “you don’t want to….” His eyes begged for understanding, for someone who would not hurt him. “I had to leave my last school because of this.”
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Lawrence still seemed nonchalant and genial about everything--he smiled. "I'm sure. Trust me. I'm not the type to overreact and take harsh action. Go ahead--it's okay to tell me, I promise."
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“I thought I fell in love with my roommate, he seemed to feel the same.” Looking away he pulled himself tighter into a ball. “Now you see why?” he was going to be just like all the other boy when then found out. He would ask for a transfer off rooms, would never speak to Josh again. Just like his last roommate.
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Lawrence blinked. "...Man, people can be so small-hearted," he muttered after a while. "Is that what you got kicked out of your last school for? Yeesh..." He sighed. "It's okay with me. I don't mind...my only real friend is interested in guys, too. Have you heard of the Aisenyl family?"
The Aisenyls were an eccentric family of inventors that kept to themselves. There were only two left. A pair of old grandparents and their grandson, an openly gay seventeen year-old that had already graduated out of school, early. |
“Heard of them,” he looked back over at Lawrence. “you’re not disgusted? You don’t think it is wrong for me to find men interesting? You’re not afraid that I am going to try to…. You know?” Was it true? Could Lawrence really not care what I feel? Could he be accepting of it? Gently Josh touched Lawrence’s hand.
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Lawrence shook his head, a relieved smile on his face. "Nope, I'm not afraid at all. If I was afraid of having that happen, I wouldn't have slept over at Wyatt's place so many times."
Lawrence was just as young as he looked...fourteen. Wyatt was the Aisenyls' grandson, and he was seventeen...he'd never felt unsafe sleeping in the same room as Wyatt, so... |
Pulling himself emotionally together he sat up. “So…. You’re not going to ask for a different room?” Josh said quite hopefully. Reaching out he grabbed Lawrence’s hand and held on. He needed the physical contact, he needs to know he was not despised. “You don’t mind my bad dreams?”
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Lawrence patted their joined hands with his free hand, content. "Nah. I like this room. I don't feel uncomfortable--trust me. I've heard that jasmine incense can help to chase away bad dreams. Maybe we should get you some and try it?"
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Josh let out a weak laugh. “You really think that it could help?” Josh picked up his toothbrush and pushed himself up by the sink. “You know, I expected you to pull away from me.” Josh squeezed Lawrence’s hand. “Part of my dream is being beaten by the head boys of the schools I was in because I find men interesting. They pull me about ripping my clothes and skin when it gets that far. Sometimes they strip me down and whip me with belts and whips.”
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"Yeah. It helps Wyatt. He has bad dreams about his past all the time. His mother was a religious maniac...she ended up hanging herself when she realized she wasn't going to change the way he was. Wyatt was ten..."
Lawrence sighed, getting off that subject. "I'm pretty friendly with the dean, so...if something happens here, I think the dean will side with me." |
“Well then,” setting his toothbrush on the sink he turned to Lawrence. “thanks, you take a load off my mind.” Josh gave Lawrence a look. “I will keep you to your word. If you skimp out on me I will make your life a pain.” Giving Lawrence a big grin then reaching out he gave him a quick hug. “thanks, I been needing you.”
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Lawrence scratched the back of his head, sheepishly. "...You're welcome, I guess. I'll keep to my word." He sounded sincere about that.
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“Well let’s go down to breakfast, we both have stuff to do early.” Pulling off his shirt Josh turned his back to Lawrence. “Go ahead and use the bed room to change. I will be in here for a bit longer.” Josh smiled over his shoulder.
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Lawrence scuttled out quickly, uncomfortable with any kind of nudity. He carefully pulled out another outfit for himself. He stripped and dressed silently, shaking out his hair when it attempted to stick to his sweater. His hair was terrible with static electricity...
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Pulling on his shirt Josh leaned against the sink. “Alright josh no need to go jumping to conclusions, he is just showing some kindness. Just like I did last night, he won’t be staying long; I will have a new roommate within the week.” As much as he would have liked to completely believe what Lawrence had said the dominant part of his mind kept saying he was kidding himself. That Lawrence was going to run as quickly as he could one he had an opening. No one would want to be friends with Josh, not with what he liked. Slumping his shoulders Josh sighed, today was the first day of the next year of hell. He turned on the water and washed his face before getting dressed. A little while later he walked out of the bathroom and smiled to Lawrence. “Shall we go down to breakfast?”
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Lawrence nodded, happily. He'd picked out and old black turtleneck sweater and plain beige dress pants to wear for the day. Obviously, he was intent on ignoring the uniform rule.
"Yeah. Breakfast sounds nice," he quipped, seeming content to spend time with Josh. |
Josh was quite on the way down to the dining hall. As he picked up his food he found an empty table, and sat down. Slowly he took a bite and then pushed the food around on the plate.
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Lawrence picked up a plate full of nothing but fruit and then sat down at the empty table across from Josh, contently. "Aren't you going to finish? We've got a long day ahead of us," he reminded him. He seemed to have no problem sitting with him...in fact, it seemed like he wanted to sit with him.
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“I don’t know, I don’t feel that hungry now.” Josh took another bite, then swallowed it slowly. “Have you ever felt in ways or thought of things others say is wrong?”
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"You might regret that later...I'd suggest eating a little bit to keep you going until lunch." Lawrence paused, thinking over the question. "...Well...a lot of things are wrong. Murder is wrong, unless it's in complete self-defense and there's no other option. Rape is wrong, because someone is being hurt against their will. People talk. And talk. And talk...I pretty much leave others' opinions out of things...looking at the facts is all that matters..."
He sighed. "...People can be cruel..." |
“that is not what I meant by my questions but never mind it,” he ate a bit more but then stopped again and started pushing he food around again. “so what classes do you hate?”
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