"Well, that's scary," Silvana admitted. She nestled up to the vampire, despite herself. She wanted to be close to him, because at any moment he could leave her and disappear again forever. Still, she did not want to lose her memories. Obviously, her body had not been able to endure that loss. And she did not want to try it again. For her, it was worth it to be with him, despite the dangers involved. Even if she was changed, though she would not be.... She could escape like before... Anyway, if she was changed, she would still love Zadist. That's what it was, inexplicably, she loved him. "But it's not going to happen. I escaped her, you know. And... Even if it did..I'd still like you. She could never change that. I would not fight with her. I would rather leave, run off. Go somewhere else." He could run away with her. ...Not that he would ever consider doing that, she simply did not matter enough.

Zadist was silent for a bit, toying with Silvana's hair. "I guess it's time to tell you a bit about our relationship, ne? I...I'd thought I was in love with Melody. But, when she asked me to change her, our laws were becoming stricter, and I wouldn't have been able to be with her. I explained all this, but she still wished it. Eventually, I did." The male flinched and shuddered quickly, before continuing. "When my mother found out...she was furious. She tracked me down, to the town I'd taken Melody to, to hide. Melody escaped, but I didn't. I didn't want to fight my mother. Mother...took me home, and locked me downstairs...In a room we normal have to...question made vampires. She kept me there, for two hundred years. She whipped me, starved me, had me tormented...Uh, sexually. In all ways. That's when I started to change, into this. Why I'm so...messed up, now...If you were turned, Silvana, I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. I need you. And I doubt my mother would be so...patient...with me this time..."

"Don't you see? It wouldn't matter who liked who...We wouldn't be able to be together."

"So it's not about me, so much as... Her capturing you again and torturing you for another five centuries?" Silvana asked. It bothered her to think about that. She did not want to be the cause of Zadist's ruination. But... Silvana was not going to get herself changed. And if she did, she would do one of two things: a) she would train until she was the most badass female changed vampire existence, and beat the living daylights out of Melody for everything she had ever done, and try and convert as many changed vampires to the "good side" as possible; or b) just spend all the money she had available to herself and move to Italy, never bothering anyone ever again. She could live in a Tuscan villa and live out the rest of her days in neutrality to these familial disputes, like Switzerland or Canada. "It's all about discrimination isn't it?" she sighed heavily. "It's like humans with racial problems. I find it hard to believe that every changed vampire is a bad vampire. But... I dunno. I dunno anything about this whole thing." She looked up at Zadist thoughtfully. It just seemed unfair that... As the eldest son... The second oldest vampire alive in the world... That Zadist would never, ever be allowed to be happy.

Zadist growled quietly, a warning. "Don't talk like that! You don't wish to be changed! And I don't wish this kind of life on you. Those are just so obvious, I didn't feel a need to state them. Plus, Melody would use you as bait. You wouldn't be tortured, but you wouldn't be treated nicely either. And..." Here Zadist glanced backwards, and stiffened noticably. "I don't believe they all are. There was a time we lived in peace. I think most of it was because we started leaving the newborns on their own. They didn't know how to survive or cope, and became angry and ruthless. I think things could change. But, I'm not the one in charge. I never will be." Seeming to feel the human's eyes on him, Zadist's emerald ones darted down, glancing at her curiously. "Yes?"

"I already told you I didn't want to be changed. Relax," Silvana said crossly, averting her gaze again. But if she was changed, Zadist could forget about her being a damsel in distress. Even as a human, she had handled herself just fine with four vampires at the car dealership, even as he'd been completely passed out in the Eclipse. "Even so, what makes you think she would be able to keep me there? I think I'm pretty badass for a human. I made Melody count paperclips, PAPERCLIPS!" She held her hands up over her head, shaking them for emphasis. And then she let them fall back to her sides. She moved back away from Zadist, resting her head on the pillow and regarding him seriously for once. "Is Cynn going to be in charge someday? Because she seems all for you actually being happy." Silvana paused. "Cynn told me that you took my pink elephant..."

"That was also during the daytime with young made vampires. What if she send an army to your home in the middle of the night, Silvana?" Zadist replied back, sighing softly, "A-and I suppose now is as good of time as any to admit...I uh, kinda...lied to you..." The vampire rushed forward, trying to cover those words with new ones. "And yeah, Cynn is the eldest female. She will be in charge when Mother dies. And she's okay, sometimes, though if she became our Queen right now, well, humans would have hell...."

{lurks lurks XD }

(Kittah!!!!-Waves-)

Of course, Silvana never dropped an interesting subject when it came in conversation--particularly if it involved being lied to in any way. What had he lied to her about, anyway? She mentally brushed aside the idea of an army of changed vampires coming to get her. After all, she could utilize her confusion techniques on them, too. Silvana was spontaneous, and... She could think of new solutions to any bizarre problem almost instantly, and in the most unusual ways possible. One of which would be launching herself into a sky with a hot air balloon coating with titanium, so that they couldn't pop it. As far as she'd seen, vampires did not carry guns with them. They did not seem to need them. And, as a consequence, she could go around the world in eighty days. Jules Verne for the win! "What did you lie about?" Silvana asked, unable to let that confession go. If it was serious...

Zadist stared at her hopelessly for a moment, before rubbing the back of his head. "Just...understand I wanted to keep you happy, okay? A-and don't worry, because all I can about is you..."

"I want you to be happy," Silvana said. If the vampire truly needed her... If he really, really needed her.. Then why would he let her go forever? Or was he planning to stalk her secretly even if she had managed to move on with her life without him someday. And he was not telling her what she needed to know. All these messes they'd gone into had arisen from him not being entirely honest with her. If he had been upfront in the beginning, a lot of said struggles would have been avoided, like the misunderstandings with Melody and his feelings and the behavior of his family members. "You should be honest with me. I think that a lot of the stuff that has happened to me resulted from you withholding information.." she said after a while. "Please, Zadist."

It was hard to tell but it was almost as if Zadist flinched at the human's words. He nodded after a moment, and gave a tiny sigh. "Melody...even though I explained it all, she'd thought we'd be together after she turned...She...still thinks its possible...So..Uh..yeah..." He hesitated, frowning a bit more. "Guess I gotta tell you about the harem, too, huh? B-but I don't really use them! So, don't worry!"

Oh, great. So... Essentially this was entirely and completely all Zadist's fault. In every single way. Melody still wanted him. And he... Silvana sat up, gazing into nothing. Her eyes might have glazed over. Harem, okay. But he didn't use them. But Melody? He was not with her anymore only because of... Rules. She was changed, and then... So what was Silvana to Zadist? If something happened to her and she eventually became a vampire herself, God forbid... Would Zadist back off from her, too? It was crippling for her to think about. She sat there dazed and quiet for a while, trying to absorb the information and decide what she needed to say. "Melody still... Wants you?" she asked weakly. "Then why... Why me?" What was the vampire trying to tell her, that if she continued to be involved, she would just be another pawn in this dramatic, centuries-old game between him, Melody, and the rest of his family?

Zadist sat up as Silvana did, watching her quietly. Finally, he turned away, cursing and shaking his head. "Damn...I knew I sh-What?" He stopped speaking, listening as the human talked. "A-at first...I'd been craving something...I smelled you, and I knew...I had to have you. But, then, when I got that food and we watched Mulan, how selfless you were, your spazzy attitude and how you asked me to count the stars. It was amazing...It...made me laugh, and smile, and made me happy." The vampire was wearing a rather goofy grin, and seemed to realize this, wiping it from his face and glancing at her sheepishly. "T-that's why I took your elephant. So I could think back to those times..."

Silvana rested a hand on her forehead, rubbing it exhaustively. Well, those were stupid reasons to think he needed her. It seemed more like Silvana was only good as entertainment value for Zadist. Her personality infected him, made him more bright and cheerful... That was nice, up to a point. But what if someday he got bored of her attitude? This was hardly the makings of a solid relationship, this imagined need and his amusement with her... It was almost insulting in a way. Silvana was not a clown, she was a girl. Sure, she acted silly, but... That did not automatically make her different than any other human in the world. And maybe Zadist's family realized this, that Silvana was just some sort of diversion that he needed to grow out of fast, so he could focus on more important things like fighting their mortal enemies. "Okay, I'm funny... So? Why me over Melody, other than I'm a human and she's not anymore? "

The vampire looked over sharply, tilting his head. "That's what this is about? You're...jealous? Silvana...I didn't see it then, but Melody, I doubt even now that she wants me for me. She wants the power I hold, to be on my arm, knowing she controlled the oldest male in existance. You, you're so kind. You're always trying to help out. You...want me for me." Zadist fell quiet again, tugging his legs to his chin and evaluating her. "You...are having doubts that I care for you?"

"You're too cool for me," Silvana whispered. "You're over nine hundred years old, you're the most badass vampire ever... I'm just some psychotic human girl that makes you laugh. I feel like a... Like a..." She floundered for the words to use. "Like a jester, honestly. I open my mouth, you laugh, then we have sex. I dunno... I guess I don't get why I can suddenly top this girl that you've known forever and suffered two centuries in captivity for." She was, honestly, perplexed, in every way imaginable. "Don't get me wrong, I like myself. I know I'm not hideous and that I'm pretty intelligent for a human girl. But... It's still a bit hard for me to believe. Can you imagine?" She glanced at him, and then shook her head looking away. She rested her palms flat on her lap. "I told you before you took my memory, I think I love you. But I can't understand how it happened so quickly."

Zadist began rubbing his head. "I'm...not sure how this happened either...I love being able to laugh with you. I told you, you are the color in my world. I need you. And alright...we won't have sex for...for...for..." The vampire growled, eying her. He wanted it now. How could he survive any length of time without claiming her body? "Three days?"

"If you need me, then don't give me up again," Silvana stated bluntly with a scowl. Besides, she was not going to have sex with a guy who was going to up and leave her again, and take her memories away twice. It was completely unfair of him to expect these things from her and then give her nothing back. He needed to prove to her that she was not some toy to him. Romance her for a bit. Earn it back. "I have no problem with having sex," she said. "But I don't want to give and give of myself if you..." She lowered her eyes. "Please make me feel needed... Not physically. What do you feel about me, Zadist?" She crawled over the bed towards him, sitting back on her haunches. "What is the emotion you feel for me? Do you just like me a lot?"

Zadist had flinched from her words once more, before his emerald eyes watched her warily. She came closer, almost begging Zadist to tell her he loved her. Pain...so much pain..." The vampire cried out, almost clamboring off the bed to get away.

"S-stop. Right there. You're important." He stated simply.

"..."

Silvana watched the vampire's dramatic reaction to her words, and her heart fell. She was just... Important. It wasn't anything greater than that. Not yet. Would it ever be? Would he ever...? It just hurt her so much, but... She didn't want him to go away again. What could the poor girl do, but accept it.

"All right," she said slowly, laying down on the bed and turning away from him. She kept her back to him, resting her hands underneath her head and staring at the wall. Though she was human, her heart felt cold, like a vampire. "I guess that's the best I can hope for."

At her words and actions, and the torn look on her face before Silvana had turned away, Zadist wanted to yell and scream, rip at himself. "I-it's not like that. I...I..." Pain, so much. Hurting... "Ah..." Zadist cried out softly, gripping his head, shaking it quickly. "You're important to me, okay? I-I..." No matter how much he tried to say it, the pain came back, fluttering into his head. So much, all tied to the words she wanted to hear.

Zadist moved forward, reaching for her for a moment, finally tugging his hand back. "Silvana. Please, don't...be upset. I...care about you, okay? And I won't let anyone hurt you. Even me. Don't you see, this, THIS is why I took your memories. I can't be what you want. I can't change to how I was...Just, don't fight this time, okay? Let me take them nice and easily..."

"I don't want to forget you again," Silvana said simply. "I hated it, you saw. And just like you, I am not going to change. Don't expect me to." She lay there in the bed, looking in the opposite direction. She had a sneaking suspicion that... Something... Was preventing him from... It was a bizarre, very bizarre thing to think. But somehow it made sense. If his mother had been controlling his actions, had changed him so drastically with her cruelty, then it made sense in a way. Silvana had a lot of work to do from here on out. Why couldn't Zadist just let her try? He was so obsessed with her being okay, but she just wanted him to be. Even if eventually someday she was captured by Melody and changed, well... She could find a way to turn the situation around and use it to her advantage. Because that's what Silvana did, she found the silver lining. And if she was ever going to heal Zadist completely? She would have to be patient with him. "I love you. Can't you just be happy about it and let me be? Just hug me or something."

The vampire sighed, though a moment later, his arms circled around her, tugging Silvana to him. Zadist sat on the bed, gently rocking her. "If you let me, though, let me take them and didn't fight, maybe you wouldn't feel so sad, love. I can't be happy about it, because of what you've had to go through. What you will have to go through. What I've done to you..." He moved his hand, rubbing her side, where she'd been rammed into his car when he'd taken her on the side of the road.

"I...get afraid, Silvana. My mother could...I don't want to hurt you."

Silvana rested her hands over Zadist's as he held her from behind, and she laughed a little. Well, if that was the case, he would never be able to take her memories away without her being completely miserable. And if he did not want her to be miserable, then he would not be allowed to do anything to her without her permission--including taking her memories. "Maybe someday I will ask you to take my memories away. But don't get your hopes up. Today is not that day." She turned around and pressed a kiss to his forehead and hugged him around the neck, pressing herself to him. If she cared about him, she would not be put off by the things that could potentially happen. No doubt he could hurt her. But if she could survives vampires, again, she could survive tornadoes and hurricanes. It was just that easy. And so it made it all worthwhile, in her illogical mind. "I know you are capable of hurting me. And I know what can happen to me. But I don't want to give up on you. I think I can help. I might be stupid to think that... But I still want to try."