Blissful Ignorance ~Fixing the parts of a broken mind~ Koraru
 

Up and up the stairs Danna Marie Padilla went, the heels of her shoes pounding on the cement with great echo in this small hallway. She wrapped her arms around her waist as each step echoed right into her brain, constantly looking back, afraid she was being followed. "I'm not insane, I'm not insane," she kept repeating to herself.

Danna was a young woman reaching twenty five years of age, just out of grad school and recently starting her career as a medical technologist. She had a small, slender build, toned by her obsession with fitness, but her frail, shivering hands always demonstrated her nervous nature. She pushed back a few loose strands of wavy auburn hair, those that escaped her high bun, behind her ears, and let out a sigh. "I can do this, there's nothing wrong with me," she whispered, forcing determination.

But she was here for a reason, more than just because of her nagging boss. She was here because she wanted to prove to herself more than to anybody she was not going insane. She had been normal, or what passes off as normal these days, all her life. She had been carefree and bouncy her whole life. She did wind up a bit during her grad studies, but nothing like this. She brushed it off as the stress from work, but her companions at work said otherwise. She could hear, even now, the whispers that they tried to keep from her ears: "She's a nut job, she's loosing it, she's going to crack, go mailman on us..." As usual, she just brushed it off.

After what seemed an eternity of two minutes, she finally reached the door of the doctor's office. Her almond-shaped hazel eyes scanned it as her hand hesitated to push it. With a burst of determination, she finally turned the knob, opening the door only slightly.
"Excuse me" her weak voice said, still hiding behind the door's frame, "Danna Padilla, your 2:00 o'clock? May I come in?" She was fifteen minutes early and did wonder if it was a bit too much, but she didn't want to risk being late. After all, she had nothing to hide.

It was another, another day Lance Matthew Carthage, didn't feel ready for at all. He had just turned twenty eight and he felt as though he was in his late forties. Never did he expect his desired job would have so many complications. Almost every minute he didn't have a patient he was glaring at the clock on his desk. Only 1:38, four more hours and two more patients. "Why can't it be 4 yet?" he mumbled to himself looking over the stack of papers on his desk.

Dr. Carthage could be considered a looker, tall, well built thanks to his free time activity of martial arts, had a head full of think, wavy black hair and deep sapphire eyes hiding behind a pair of thin framed glasses. Those deep sapphire eyes widened in shock when his two o'clock appointment was at the door. His slender fingers grabbed his clock that tormented him so much, "Fifteen minutes early..." he mused to himself with a chuckle, that being a rare occurrence. Expected her to be late.

"No need to hide behind the door Ms. Padilla, you would of been stopped by my secretary if you couldn't come in." His voice was deep but had a warm tone to. Without wasting time he moved from his desk to meet Ms. Padilla. Forgetting he had taken of his tie, undid his suit coat, and the collar of his dress shirt was unbuttoned. Not presentable at all, by the time he realized it he had opened his office door with a smile to see a rather nervous young woman. Couldn't deny that his brow slowly raised at the sight of her, most of his patients were troubled teens sent her by a parent or someone middle aged. It was a pleasant change.

Lance took a step back to allow her into the room before introducing himself. "Dr. Carthage is the title but to be more formal my name is Lance. I'll leave it to you what you want to call me by. Please make yourself comfortable." he ushered trying to get this appointment rolling and on the way. Why delay?

The room was small, and rather cozy, a deep burgundy color on the walls, shelves of books. Even hardwood floor, with a fuzzy rug under his furniture. A second place from home for Lance, he spent all his time in this office and he didn't want it to be cold, and frightening. Practically lived in the room with how late he stayed some days. The sofa was his second bed, the only neat area. "Sorry for the mess." he panicked slightly cleaning up his desk, putting papers into his briefcase for later inspection.

"Doctor Carthage," she repeated, bowing her head slightly in greeting. Those hazel eyes of hers wondered around the room, surprised a bit by how homelike it was. It was almost like the study at her mother's place, except it was a bit calming coming in greeted by a gentleman instead of by complains about her hair.

Danna stepped in slowly, almost sneaking around the room, her footsteps barely a whisper. She made her way to the sofa, siting just at the edge of it. Her hands curled around the edge of the seat, her shoulder sloped and and her back leaning forward as her eyes finally set on Lance.

"I'm sorry to bother you, doctor," she whispered, her voice small but her lips curved into an awkward smile. "I just... sorry, I'm being rude... I should also present myself. Its our first time meeting after all, I'm Danna... you can call me Danna, I don't mind..."

She was obviously nervous, this being the first time she went to a psychologist, but she was glad to be greeted by such a charming man. Her gaze now stayed on him, wondering what he would ask of her. "So, um... how do we have to do this...?"

A chuckle escaped Lance's weary face. "Don't be sorry, you are making me money. Relax, no one is going to hurt you here. It is just you and me. I will not judge you in anyway." his voice was calm as he grabbed Danna's folder off his desk and took a seat in one of the chairs across from the couch. Before he even decided to take notes he wanted her to feel comfortable and not as if he was studying everything she did.

"Well Danna, lets begin with why you are in my office for starters. There must be a reason. No one just simple goes to the doctor if they are not ill." Lance had a habit of talking a lot. Filled in the awkward silences that sometimes occurred and made his job all the harder.

To get comfortable himself he took off his glasses, hooked them onto his shirt then crossed his leg. He didn't expect to hear a long story, he just wanted to get her to start talking. That was really all that would happen in there first few appointments if she decided to keep coming.

Lance wanted her to keep coming. Needed his pay check to survive. Money seemed to be a necessity now a days when all he wanted to do was live in a cabin hidden in the woods. But no, he found himself in a large city, busy with people. That was enough of a stressor for him.

Opposite to him, she was quite reserved, but lately it’d been getting ridiculous. Danna hesitated a bit, opening her mouth, but for a few seconds, nothing came out. She closed her mouth once more, lowering her head a little, and finally began speaking. “Well… my… um… boss… he thought the stress at work might be a bit too much for me…”

Danna shifted in her seat nervously. Even when he said he wasn’t going to judge her, she still wasn’t so sure how opening up to a total stranger would help her at all. She had to admit, although she did enjoy looking at Lance, she felt a bit intimidated. Looking at someone handsome like him made her self-conscious about everything she felt she wasn’t. Her amber eyes dared to raise once more, looking into his. That much, although still a bit scary, was soothing somehow.

“I just… I want to know I’m not insane…” she finally confessed. Her hands were now gripping the seat so tightly her nails had sunk a bit into it. She looked at him with pleading eyes, as if hoping he would confirm it, or at least run some tests on her to confirm it. Her mouth stayed closed now, awaiting judgment.

Watching her with soft eyes, he took note on her every action easily picking up her nervous antics and how there was something slightly, off. Lance didn't comment though, he just watched. Ruffling his hair a little he looked into her eyes. How he hated when they pleaded. "I'm sorry Danna, I can't confirm anything only knowing that your boss sent you here for stress. At least tell me what is stressing you." his voice was soft with a slight pleading to it.

Lance was trying his best to get her comfortable, he wanted to help her. Just needed more, because stress could explain only a little of her actions. The amount of fidgeting she shown, deviated from stress. Than the fact it looked as though she was going to jump up from her seat and make a run for it, was not at all reassuring. "Are people bothering you at work?" he asked with concern, hoping her antics weren't caused by abuse or something.

Even if he was a physiology, and he heard about women being mistreated, it never sit well with him. They should be treated with respect like everyone else. It made him wonder if he should go with helping people in need of anger management. Would help some women out and society. With a rubbing of his temple he drew his attention back to Danna. Danna, a lovely looking girl that was making this session, hard. Had to be professional, even though he was tempted to let his eyes look over her body in anything but a professional way. And that just made this awkward for him.

"They do... they think I'm insane too..." she said, biting her lip slightly. Her eyes now fell to the floor, as the whispers in the back of her mind grew stronger. "They are always pushing me down, because I'm the new girl...but that's not..."

Danna closed her mouth once more. She pursed her lips, not daring to look at Lance at all, leaning back in her seat and loosening her grip on it. She was fidgeting, wondering if she should make the confession at all. With something like this, she wondered if she would be sent to the mad house. No, she couldn't say what was really bothering her.

She straightened her posture, keeping her gaze to the floor. "Its a bit difficult... but I can handle that..." she finally said, deciding against saying anything more. "Everything is new to me... I've only been living for a year around here... On my job a bit more... living on my own... I don't like living on my own..."

She was rambling, her own mind trying to rationalize her environment. "I'm not used to being alone... to working alone in the lab, to staying alone in my apartment... I hate it. I'm not insane... I'm lonely..." She was now gazing at the floor so hard, she could have made a hole in it. Her posture wasn't just straight, it was stiff. You could tell she wanted to believe this with every bit of her fiber.

Lance listened to everything she had to say even her rambling not interrupting her or telling her to stop. Wanted her to talk and now that she was, he would try to keep her going. "Have you found anyone to speak to since you moved here. A friend?" he asked trying to keep his voice leveled but concern broke its way through. He still struggled locking his emotions behind a glass wall.

The only reason he didn't was because he didn't want his patients feeling like he was interrogating them. Much rather be a friend and someone they could trust. "I think we should set up a few more appointments for you Danna. You can come in here and talk to me. Getting away from work, your co-workers and your lonely home may do you some good." he suggested before quickly moving to his desk to get his calender.

"I'll do all in my power to get you better." he spoke with a warm tone walking back over to sit next to her, calender in his lap and open. If he didn't have to be professional he would of complimented on Danna's lovely looks, especially when they were so close now.

Lance kept his distance though he didn't want her to revert to her nervous fidgeting. The main reason he didn't admit he found something wasn't, exactly right. It seemed she was too bent on the idea of being lonely was the cause to her assumed insanity. Reasons to assumptions she couldn't answer. He was looking for the cause to the assumptions.

"Not really, not much..." she said, hesitating. She was trying to think back, biting her lips, her eyes unfocused. She tried to think back any instance of kindness, any conversation that hadn't gone wrong, but each and every time it did. "It wasn't that way at first... not before I started working.... everyone used to be nice back then..."

She remembered how things were at first, how everyone was very supporting at first. "They... they tried to help me at first... wanted me to trust them..." Her voice was soft, a mere whisper. In one second to another, her voice changed into a much stronger tone. "I found out their secrets! I would hear them... talking when they thought I wasn't around... Am I that bad...? Am I that insane... that I need many appointments?"

Her eyes were now huge, desperate. She seemed genuinely scared, not of him, but of herself. She was scared of what she might be capable of, if she was not in full control of her mind. His words were somehow comforting. She now leaned forward, putting her hands on his desk. "You... you really promise to help me...? To get me out of this? To not leave me alone?"

"To help you, I'm going to have to see you more. Now what days are you free Danna?" He asked his voice smooth and unwavering even after she panicked. Lance had yet to decide if she truly was insane. What just happened though seemed to be the icing atop that cake. He held his tongue though. Saying a thing about her being insane might really cause her to snap, he didn't want things to unfold that way. "I won't leave as long as you still need me. We will get you out of whatever is ailing you."

Lance spoke how he did to most, like a doctor. It was his job to helps his patents she was one of them. So he would show her the same kindness. "I won't keep any secrets from you Danna if you can promise not to keep any from me. I will always be kind to you and be as honest as I can. However I want you to find something to occupy your time, relieve your stress." he spoke conversationally. Not knowing exactly what she needed, other than someone not telling her she wasn't right in the head.

Staring into Danna's wide eyes, he held her gaze. Before holding his hand out to her. "Willing to work with me to bring peace and happiness back into your life?" he asked wanting to have some agreement between them. Something she could grasp onto and hold. As long as she tried to help herself, he would assist her.

When Danna saw Lance's hand reach up to her, she took a step back. Could he be trusted? Would he betray her like every other person had so far? Would he be her ray of hope? She had no choice but to go forward right now. Trembling slightly, she nodded, not taking his hand. "I... I usually work really late, from mid-day until eight at night," she said, looking away. Her body slumped in her seat once more, her posture defeated. "I... I'm available any day, early enough... Or all day... all Saturdays like this one... Every other Sunday..."

Her hazel eyes scanned over him, her voice now cutting and sharp. "You wont betray me, right? You wont keep any secrets from me." She sounded now somewhat commanding, arrogant. Her eyes seemed to momentarily lose their fear and shone in defiance. Suddenly they widened, lowering immediately.

"I'll... I'll try to find a hobby... maybe I can even make a job out of it...? Arts and crafts?" she suggested. Once again her voice was weak, timid. "My time is up by now, right? I should get going..."

Calm still, Lance listed to Danna trying to keep a level head. "Alright how about two times in the morning, like Tuesday and Thursday, than Saturday?" he asked looking over at her while pulling up her information on his laptop to get her schedule in a secure place. While he looked at it though he couldn't help but sigh. Much of a workaholic. Worked pretty much everyday of the week. No wonder he lacked friends and they got so mad at him all the time.

With her next, sentence he turned around his his chair to look at her, his eyebrow raised. "No, I will not betray you. Ask me whatever you want. I will answer. No secrets." he responded watching her with sheer curiosity. It actually fascinated him how she went from meek to strong. He wanted to know the meaning behind it, he wanted to help her.

"Have you ever tried painting?" he suggested. It was something calming not very dangerous. But she was right though, her time was up. "Yes, you are right. I'll escort you down. Need to speak with my secretary anyway." as he spoke he started to stand fixing his wardrobe before holding his arm out to Danna. Wanted to see if she would touch him or not.

Danna looked up at him, nervous by the many times a week they'd be meeting. "Am I... Am I that bad? That I need to come so much...? That far in...?" Her voice was weak, directed more to herself than to him. She was now scared over the gravity of her situation, literally trembling, her eyes disoriented and wondering. Soon, however, her eyes fell on the arm he had stretched out, seeming to return to reality.

"Paint... yes... painting sounds nice" she said, looking now into his eyes. His sapphire eyes she somehow found soothing, like a lake reflection or an afternoon sky. Her lips curved slightly into a small smile, gripping his arms quite timidly. It was rare for someone to offer her proximity nowadays, and Danna had to admit she missed that.

"You said I can ask you anything, right?" she whispered, leaning on him ever so slightly. "Do you believe what you say? Do you believe it works? It... does it make people better?"

Lance simply kept quite till a question was asked of him. With a warm smile he looked down at Danna, "I believe it does. However that is only if the person that needs the help believes they can get better. If not, what is the point?" he responded escorting her out of his office and soon own the stairs.

At the receptionist desk he took the paperwork his secretary, Gwen, a small redheaded woman, gave him. "You better get those done before you go." she ordered him giving the girl on his arm a warm smile. Everyone in the building was quite friendly.

"Alright, I'll see you on Tuesday Danna. Now take care of yourself." Lance spoke with a chuckle as Gwen was muttering about him. Seemed he had a dinner to attend tonight with his mother. For now though he needed to make sure Danna left safely and to get some reassurance he would see her again. Feared he scared her away.

[{Can time skip if you want and I'm sorry it is taking me so long to reply. Finals are consuming all my time. Again, sorry.}]

[No worries, I just got off finals myself. Thanks for your time! And yeah, I'm going to act like about a month had passed. She did start getting closer to him, being more talkative, but her behavior started getting a bit weirder.]

Danna walked up the stairs, a more confident look about her, yet a more intimidating feel about her. Her amber eyes were framed by bags of insomnia, disguised with a bit of makeup. Her skin, looking a sickly tone despite its slight color, hadn't received the sun properly in ages. Her hair, usually in a strict bun, was a bit disheveled, a bang or two framing her face. Even her gait seemed weightless and somewhat ethereal.

With a lot more confidence than her first few times around, she twisted the doorknob, but still entered a bit timidly, smiling slightly at the sight of Lance. She quickly walked into the chair, her posture more at ease, but a bit unusual. Her arms were wrapped around her waist, as if shielding herself, and her legs were almost twisted in a knot. She giggled slightly, a lot louder and more awkward than when she first started attending the psychologist, and her hands still had a few paint stains from last night's practice.

"Hello, Doctor Carthage! How are you today?" she said, her voice seasoned with the slight hint of a giggle.

[{Thank you for waiting and for the time skip.}]

Lance had gotten into the swing of being professional, his shirt was finally buttoned right, he wore his tie, and his suit coat was on. Even with the new professional air, he still fiddled with his tie, hated how it felt like he was being suffocated. Only other thing that bothered him was Danna giggle, brought an awkward feeling to the pit of his stomach. With a smile he looked up and over to her. "I'm fine today Ms. Danna. Nice to see you today." he said conversationally.

Taking a seat in his arm chair he pulled out the notebook designated to her and took down a few notes. Notes consisting of the bags under her eyes, trying to be hidden by makeup, the lack of color in her skin. and anything else he deemed as a worthy change. "How has your painting been? I hope it is going well for you and your enjoying it." He had never expected her to actually get into the idea of painting so much.

"Ever thought about brining one of your paintings in. I would love to see one."

[No worries! Now, I might not reply as fast as before, since classes started for me, so please do be patient with me]

Leaning back in her seat, arching her back, Danna giggled enthusiastically. "You really wanna see?" she said between giggles. Her eyes, although tired, seemed somewhat mischievous. "You'd have to visit me to see them, come straight into my apartment. I like making big paintings!"

With a last little giggle, she closed her eyes, a wide grin on her face. "The last one I made was a sakura, a Japanese cherry blossom tree... I've never seen one before, so I'm only making it from pictures... but I am getting better." This was something way too common in her paintings since she began spending time with them: they were always something she hadn't seen before. The pyramids in Gyza, the castles in Germany, the forests in Brazil... Always something distant, vague, that had no relation to her whatsoever, and the only living things found were plants.

"Its so fun! Its... like my only escape from the world..." she opened her eyes slightly, her gaze lost, her face only hinting sadness.

[{I'm probably not going to reply fast either. My classes are keeping my week days busy and most of my weekend. So my patience is abundant.}]

"Than if that is okay with you I believe I have enough time to view them tonight. Can go after our session today." Lance knew this was probably a bad choice on his part but her really wanted to see her paintings. It would help him in understanding her a little more. From how she painted to the detail she used. Wanted to know if her brush strokes were organic, sharp, or sloppy.

Writing on his notepad, with a calm expression he listened to Danna. Taking note on what she painted, trying to figure out what he would see when he got to actually view them. Part of him believed there would not be a single painting of a person. A theory that would be of importance. Carefully choosing his words, he hoped his question would bottle her up. "Why do you desire to escape the world Danna?" he asked in a warm tone. Could at least make it sound unobtrusive.

[{Sorry for how short this is. Wanted to get a reply in.}]

"Because, no matter how much I change, others wont" Her words were so direct, so without hesitation, it was a bit scary. "If I draw and paint places where I'd rather be, I'll be transported to them for a bit, I can fantasize about being where I'm not, about how my life would have been if I wasn't me. Maybe living someplace else, people would actually like me..."

As she said these things, that right now seemed completely normal to her but a few years back would have seemed preposterous, she wore a slight smile, a smile of defeat on her face. With huge hazel eyes staring directly at him, she pleaded, "You're not going to be judging me for this, right? You'll...you'll still be my only friend... right..?"

Danna seemed a bit hesitant, happy to have him in her own little world, but scared she might lose him for it. She'd grown a bit too fond of her psychologist, in not the healthiest of ways. She wanted to be with him outside this office, almost proving he would also survive being in the real world with her, away from the attention of his walls.

[{Sorry if this reply sucks! Writers block big time}]

"Change in what way exactly Danna?" He asked rather curious what was going through her mind that believed people would change if she did. She was so sure about it on top of that, it did make his skin crawl. "You just need to find the right people. Have you ever thought about traveling before?" he spoke conversationally try to get a better idea of her.

It did bother Lance slight with the intense look he was getting from his patient. With a slow movement he rubbed his brow before looking back up at her and directly into her big hazel eyes. "Have I judged you yet?" he retorted in a warm voice ignoring her friend question. Could he really get that close to her. Part of him didn't want to give her the wrong idea.

When their sessions were over things could go horribly wrong if she got too attached. Feeling the heat rise in the room he unbuttoned his collar and slid of his glasses. Hopefully going to her house to view her paintings would pus this over the limit. This was for work and he kept telling himself that. When honestly it wasn't, wanted to see her outside the walls of his office.

"I was fine before I came here..." she said, suddenly looking completely sunken. "If I can't return to how I was... no... I can't go back... Not until I'm fixed..." She began getting lost in her train of thought, her eyes unfocused as her wrist covered her mouth. Back and forward, she tried to figure out how she'd gotten this way, how could she return, how would those who knew her react to seeing her now.

His voice however, brought her back to reality. She smiled softly, watching him as he unbuttoned his shirt, biting her lip. She was making him nervous, but definitely in a good way. He accepted her, with no judgement at all. "Could we go to my house? To see the paintings? Or did you want to ask me something else?"

[{Sorry, I took so long to reply. Got really sick and had to catch up while I had finals.}]

"I only have one more thing to ask." he said before sitting up a little and trying to get his nerves to calm. "I want to know how you were fine before you came here?" he asked wanting to get her lost in her thoughts again. It seemed while she was comfortable speaking to him as of lately it all came out instead of being hidden from him. Made his notes easier. They have gotten incredibly detailed as she opened up to him more.

He looked back at her pushing his glasses back up his nose. "We can see your paintings after you answer that question. I'll have to speak to my secretary first though. Have to tell her I'll be out of my office for awhile." he explained hoping she would understand he had other patients than her. All different from the next. Some a lot more, clingy. She was the first to get him out of his office though. He avoided trying to get too close to the people he helped. It was dangerous and unprofessional.