Ow, though. >>

xD yeh.
But is okay, yer doped up and drunk as hell when they do it..
I hope <<

Well I would be anyways. Dx

Yeah, me too.

Speaking of drunkeness-
Saturday night. Bout damn time.

I just want a fracking job o.<;

Yeah. Been looking/applying?

Trying to convince myself Bk wont be god awful.
But I am NOT cutting my hair for a job >>
Ever.
Fuck that.

They'd make you at BK, I remember that from Alex.

Blegh. Screw that.
I'll have to look online at people hiring and eventually get gas in my van then go and apply.

It seems like in person application works better.

Arg. I feel itchy. Like I touched fiberglass or something.

Is what I mean. Find who is hiring online, then go apply in person.
Online applications don't do shit. Been doing that for months with one call, Ross. Who did nothing but waste my time and get my hopes up.

Neeeh screw them~ xD
Thing is, places who accept online dont usually do paper apps, and vice versa.
So to do paper apps is better to go out scouting stores one day and just hit them all.

Annnd that's something that really isn't in my range of possibilities.
I can't do that, too much anxiety and stress riding on a situation, rather not. >>
Just isn't worth it to spend a day feeling like I am having a heart attack the whole time if I get nothing but more stress out of it. Chances are not my thing.

Yeeeah.. Well, I think at a certain point you need to just deal with it. ;>>
Its not pleasant, but its also not going to kill you. Once its over, you'll feel better.

I really wish it were that easy and at times it really does feel like it could kill me. Get's really hard to breath, start stuttering and such. Even on the few occasions I've pulled it off, I end up looking like a complete idiot. Isn't exactly helpful to say, "Yeah, I put in a few applications, and the while time I couldn't get a complete word out of my mouth without sounding like a moron."

Just takes weeks of talking myself up to it to even go to two stores for applications. o.<;
Really been considering going back to a dr for meds, but I feel like it wouldn't be worth it because I'd inform them that I need STRONG shit to make me able to actually be okay with the things I need to do, and they'd just think I was some druggie looking for a quick fix. Last time the meds only made me hallucinate and freak out twice as bad.

Didnt the images go away after a while?
Also, there are many many combinations out there. If something isnt working you should tell them and change it, not suffer with it.

Wasn't ever that strong. But I'd be like.. sitting on a curb and the road would just turn to dust and blow away >>
The thing is, the way you get prescribed is total.. bull.
"What's wrong with you?", talk for a few minutes, get handed a piece of paper and shooed away. They don't ask anything more than that. It's.. aggravating.

If I did go back to meds, I'd force mom to find me someone that ISN'T her doctor. He literally never even had an expression. Blank faced the whole time.

I think Ive told you this before, but you should go find another counselor/therapist. Much better and cant they prescribe stuff? Aronoff does for mum.

Eh.. I really don't want back into that game.
It's gas I don't have, 300$ a week I do not have and the chances of me connecting with them are terribly slim. I don't need someone constantly psychoanalyzing me and telling me how to live or what to do. Just need someone to vent to. Which I am NOT burning hundreds of dollars on. Besides, it'd end up with a lot of, 'Well why not try going out and doing this activity or that activity', which I'd never do. Me alone + public = hell no.
Besides, once I have a job that's just another scheduling complication which I don't need.

You. Just. Need. to. DO. Things.

If I could, I would.
Instead, it takes weeks of prep and work to get me able to do these things.
They'll happen eventually, when I am capable of doing such.

-shrugs- cant make you, but I want to give you some tough love about it.

Baaaaaaaah.

-eyes- Well, after all this time?