I would very much like a cane. Yes, a gentleman's black cane with a silver knob, I think, or a hooked cane for those who have a limp, or an old gnarled cane of wood for grim schoolteachers who want to give errant pupils a rap on the head. Or do something else with a cane that wouldn't involve child abuse. You know what I mean, I'm sure. Or if you don't, you are politely willing to ignore that, being an upstanding member of society.