The thing is, I did go to Georgia in the hopes of going to Momocon. Unfortunately, I went to Georgia, the former soviet state. Whoops. See, when I bought my ticket, the ticket said Georgia - International. Which makes sense, considering I'm Canadian. So I figured, awesome, long flight, but it'll be worth it to hang out with my fellow menewshians and have some laughs.

So I get on the flight, and I fall asleep because I am a relatively light sleeper.

Next thing I hear, the stewardess walking me up. We're in Georgia! Hurraay! I look out the window and see the dilapidated airport. It's surprising, but I don't know anything about Americans, so I figured maybe they only have a few good airports and this would not be one of them. I step out of the airport and at that point I realized I was not going to Momocon.

'BORSCH FOR SALE! FRESH HOT STEEAAMING BORSCH!

Now, I can speak three languages. French, English and Russian. Knowing my geography, I figured I had better chances finding my way around if I spoke in Russian. So, I walked up to someone, asked if they knew where the embassy was. This person glared at me with the white hot intensity of a thousand angry suns, and I knew better than to stick around. But when I turned around, there was a huge mob!!! I don't speak Georgian, but I assume what they said was 'Get out, dirty Russian, we hate you! Swear words swear words!'

So that made me sad. D: The mob chased and chased me into the mountains, and I finally lost them ducking into a cave. I remember being sweaty and gross and hungry. But then a voice came from deep within the cave. A heavy middle eastern accent called out to me in English. So I had to implore, and searched the back of the cave. Lo and behold, before me was a face I have seen a thousand times. A face that's on the news every night. The face of Osama Bin Ladin.

Naturally, I was shocked. He was as disgusting as I was, but had fresh water and was willing to share. He didn't seem hostile at first, but he kept the guns hanging from his sides revealed to me at all times. A couple of days passed, and the day that Momocon was supposed to be was approaching, and I was becoming depressed. One night, on a stroll away from the cave I shared with Osama, you know, for some non-cave air, I stumbled upon a massive stash of hydrogen bombs. Osama Bin Ladin was right behind me, and explained to me in broken english his master plan, to attack Georgia in the name of Georgia so there'd be no more Georgian confusion! I can't say I was opposed, but I was suddenly aware; The Menewshan staff. What will happen when the entire team is blown away!? I'll have no more items, no more chats, no more places to waste my time on! So I knew what I had to do.

I ran that night as far and as fast as I could, towards Moscow and the one man I knew who could help me. I burst into the kremlin, the guards yelling at me to stop, or they'd shoot. I stopped. They didn't shoot. Surprisingly. Putin descended from his throne, giving me questioning looks. I explained myself. Naturally, Putin, charming as ever, understood my plight. Apparently Russians and Americans are buds now, so he decided he didn't want a state dissected from the belly of America's girth. He gave me his all-powerful, all-totally awesome support. With Putin by my side, there was no way we'd fail. He rallied the former KGB spies, and as a group, we stealthily snuck into northern Georgia, where Osama bin Ladin has stored himself and the bombs. Using a powersuit lent to me by the KGB, and with Putin by my side, a team of elite KGB agents started disarming and removing the hydrogen bombs.

Suddenly, there was a light! It was Osama Bin Ladin! He hadn't heard us, for our stealth had prevented any noise from coming out of anywhere, but he was out for a midnight trot! I knew what I had to do. I had to distract him. So I jumped up on the ledge, and started talking to him about Momocon. Apparently, he wanted to go too, and was so frustrated he took the 'If I can't go, no one can' approach. How sad. Meanwhile, Putin signaled me. The bombs were all gone. So, I said goodbye, and he understood. No one likes living in caves.

The next day, I reported Osama's location, but he had already gone.

The Russian goverment gave me a lift home in the goverment plane, but they wouldn't fly me to Georgia the state because they didn't have enough gas in the plane, and what with gas at the prices it is now, they can't afford any more. D:

So I was dropped off at the airport, and my parents picked me up. They asked me how Momocon was.

I lied through my teeth.

Male shirt.