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Dirt Man
⊙ω⊙
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12-12-2009, 04:12 AM
The connotations of your title immediately set a mood and almost a setting for you poem. Whether you did this intentionally or if it was an accident -- I like that about it.
A well-meant tip I give you is to be careful about your spelling/capitalization, especially in poetry. With poetry, then, a poet sometimes means to leave a grammatical rule on the wayside, or they mean to forget to capitalize a certain word to give something more emphasis or style. If you mean it to have regular grammar and capitalization, you should pay attention to this as it make the poem easier to read.
Such as in line 5:
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Originally Posted by Killercupcake
is the pounding of my hear in my hears
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It takes away from the continuous rhythm of first reading the poem when I have to stop and figure out what you are saying in this line, wondering if "hears" is a noun I have not heard of and deciding whether you meant "ear" or "heart."
I love the almost medieval-romantic tone of this. I also like the shortness of the second stanza. It really brings out the second line in that stanza. ~
In the third stanza, you bring in two rhyming lines. I'm really starting to like your rhythm.
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Originally Posted by Killercupcake
I shall get my vengeance!
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My favourite line thus far. [If you can't tell, I'm writing review as I read it over for the first time.] I can practically hear you saying this, especially with the punctuation.
I like how you bring the whispering wind back from the first two lines, to after the battle scene. One last thing: initially when you said "he" in the poem, I was slightly confused, but everything resolved very well by the end. Bravo.
I hope this review was helpful to you. c:
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