12-16-2009, 01:46 AM
A painful silence had slipped between Elsa and I. We were still stricken by the ordeal we had just gone through. All of my coaxing words, doubtful gestures, or protective lectures I held inside remained unspoken. For some reason, I just didn't speak them. Perhaps out of the uselessness of the words, or the pride I had in remaining the strong, fearless military unit in Elsa's eyes.
It was Elsa that broke the silence.
"Do you think that the deer that attacked us was one of Kenneth's experiments?" she asked. I almost staggered in my footsteps as she said this. I had not thought of that. "Maybe he released it to make it come after people like us."
"It's something to think about," I said, keeping my voice vacant.
As we progressed toward the south, I felt Elsa's body go limp and her breathing alter into a slow, eased pace. I found myself to be glad in a way that she had fallen asleep. It was as if she had gone away, so I could sulk in myself without feeling embarrassed. Not that I saw her presence as a burden. I saw her as a little miracle in my arms. If I had not gotten her back at the base during the invasion, I would've had nothing to live for anymore. Eleadah wouldn't have been released, I would've been killed by the infected deer, and... I wouldn't have to endure this survival on my own.
But I also felt shame, so much shame.
I sulked about how foolish I was in pursuing that buck in the woods. There was not even a chirping of a bird or anything. Why in the hell would I think that that deer would be normal. By doing this, I had injured myself even more and gave Elsa hope that ended up putting both of us in death's grip. Elsa's disappointment clawed at my heart any more than anything else. I gave her false peace of mind. She thought she would be safe, but it was all a lie.
And the fault was my own.
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