Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovers Never Tell
No, fragments are against grammar... They must all be complete... or incomplete, but that's a special case and style that I don't think you're quite able to catch on to just yet.
I read those parts as being the same because of how they run together. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and you need to correct it to make it understood that they're seperate in the poem. Don't be afraid to add more to this. It's not always over done just because it's 30-40 lines long.
|
I just don't generally go back and do massive overhauls on poems. Never really given it a try. Though i suppose there's a first time for everything. Most I've ever done is change a word, phrase here and there. Guess i see them as where i came from and i like to see my progress.
Though it would kinda be nice to not be scared of going into my saved poems because i know there are some awful ones in there. They wouldn't be awful if i changed them hehe
Metimil ~ redone
The roaring of the nothing
that is deafening in its way.
The cool embrace of lonesome
that never faded away
It's like the whisper in the willows
and the silence on the lake,
like smile of a father,
leaving smiles in its wake.
It's like cold fingers of quiet
that hold the bump in the night.
It's the thing that takes the fall
when chosen words aren't right.
It's like danger in the shadows
and as the green upon the lawn.
It's like sun going down at evening
and as it rising in the dawn.
It's a child trembling in the dark
when comfort can't be found
and echo of a past gone by
that slips by without a sound.
It's ike a pat upon the shoulder
and a child at mother's chest
and like the sweet sound of the ending
It's the silence I like best.