Hello and thank you for your time.

Trying to describe my situation isn't easy for me since it is only a theory that I have, but I will try to present it to you so you can understand--if I miss something I will just have to fill in the gaps.

I haven't ever really been popular. I don't like attention, but I love having friends. I usually like having one or two (if I am lucky) that I feel comfortable enough to tell anything to.

• In high school, I had one best friend, but when I went to college we drifted apart and now she won't even talk to me after multiple attempts to try to talk to her.
• In college, since I had lost my best friend from high school, I found that I could confide with my ex-boyfriend from high school. But eventually, he started dating (and eventually married) someone else from high school, who I don't particularly get a long with. So I lost him to her, which I accepted for his happiness.
• Eventually, I met Kate. And it seemed like we had known each other forever. I still can't describe the rush from meeting her. I just knew that I wanted to be her friend. We hung out a lot over a year. I temporarily lived with her and her husband, and everything seemed great. Then I started dating Flux, and things still seemed ok. But she moved away (~1 hour away) and she just became distant until she stopped responding to my every attempt at communication. I still haven't gotten over the feeling of her loss. Flux has tried calling her without telling me, but she won't talk to me.
• After losing Kate, I met Tum. She was different and interesting, but she also was losing her best friend. I listened to her and became her close friend until we both graduated and she moved away. Whenever her best friend would show an interest in Tum, Tum would forget about me. This was the same thing that her friend was doing to her, forgetting about her until she felt like it. Eventually, something with Flux (Tum also seemed to accept him as a friend as well) made her start feeling uncomfortable around him so she only would talk to me. Now she lives far away and has new friends and adventures but she doesn't call.
• While I still was friends with Tum, I met Leah, who was a friend of Flux's. He introduced us as we had a lot in common. We became friends, not the best of friends, but I felt that I could talk to her. Her boyfriend (now fiance) didn't like Flux because Flux openly admitted that he thought Leah was cute. I didn't take this poorly as I understood that even though he thought that she was cute, didn't mean that he was going to dump me for her. Well, Leah's boyfriend thought that it meant that Flux was going to take her away. And he made her choose, us or him. She chose him as she loved him and thought he was the one. She didn't tell us this, of course, until more recently. But during this time, I was really hurt. Tum had forgotten me, Kate was gone, and now I had lost Leah. So not knowing, I vented my frustration in my live journal, which she read as did her boyfriend. Now he hated me. So she couldn't even explain her situation. Even after she found a way to communicate to us, I was hesitant to believe her sincerity since she had hurt me before. Now we can only visit her when he isn't around.
  I feel as though I lost a friendship that could have been great all because of my unwillingness to forgive and her boyfriend's insecurity.

I am trying to figure out if there is something I am doing that is pushing my friends away or if it is simply the distance. Is it the fact that I am with Flux? Have a I changed drastically? I know it is difficult to describe the type of person that I am on a forum such as this, but I try to be a pleasant person to be around. I used to be a much more bubbly person, but I went through an ordeal with my family and suffered an intolerable job that has left me a little worse for wear. I keep a lot of what's bothering me to myself since I don't want to bring anyone else down or hurt someone's feelings. But maybe I should just be honest with them all and say what is one my mind regardless of if I am wrong.

I love Flux and we have been together for so long. Even though we aren't married (we can't afford to right now), we know that we can't walk away from each other easily. He isn't the easiest person for anyone to get a long with, but he is the person who knows me best (good and bad) and loves me regardless. He is my best friend, but I would like someone else to talk to.