Originally Posted by bethedmundsguthrie

You have a lovely style! You're very good at describing movement and feeling and, in my opinion, drawing the reader into what's happening. I like the fact that you don't weigh down your style with a huge description of the rooms or the house that your character is drifting through because it leaves the reader to imagine whatever they like- but you may find, if you continue your story, that you will need to give brief descriptions so as not to be too vague or confusing. Does that make sense?

Really the only qualms that I have are spelling and punctuation/line breaks.
The spelling errors are very few, but they could potentially cause the reader a bit of confusion, so I would recommend just hitting your work with the spellchecker before you post it to avoid having to go back and edit it later.
Line breaks will help distinguish one part of the story from another, and you might want to cut down an your use of the word "As" to avoid seeming redundant. Edited a little, it might look something like this:



Please don't take my critique as being harsh or mean! ^^; I just really like your story so far and I would love to see it flourish on here. If I can be of any help or if you'd like an editor, please let me know! And please post more!