I walked about to the door, palms so sweaty they're be wet before I was even finished wiping them on my shirt. 'This is the one,' I thought. I'd been up and down this block all night, and I had yet to accomplish my task.

Telling a good Halloween Joke.

It may sound silly, but it's extremely difficult! People don't seem to understand the thought and logic that goes into thinking up that clever punchline that appears to tickle an uproar of laughter out of someone's diaphragm. I'd spent weeks earlier researching and hunting for clues that could help me discover the greatest Halloween Joke ever! I took surveys, read articles, and interviewed comedians. I linked puns with riddles. Slapstick with wit. I tested anything and everything I came up with on my family and friends. I was ready for this day.

And I couldn't even get a chuckle.

Twenty three houses. I've been skimping around for forty five minutes now, and all I've gotten was a box of raisins, because an old lady felt pity for me!

You see, there are only two true ways of getting Halloween candy in this town. Your joke or your costume. I was so ready this year, that I refused to wear a costume because I wanted to know that people were giving me their beloved chocolate and sugar based of off my amazing joke.

My goodie bag currently contains a little box of raisins from some old lady that says it’s supposed to “help with constipation.” This is a nightmare.

I hesitantly started walking towards the front porch. ‘This is it,’ I thought, ‘I’m gonna get some candy!’ Sure, it wasn’t always about the candy. But I’m a kid who needs to humor his sugar tooth every once in awhile.

I placed one foot on the porch, my confidence beginning to dwindle. I’ve been to so many houses hence far…what would make this one different?! I couldn’t get a single person to like my joke, why should I keep on trying?!

Last house, last chance. I’m going big or going home. My finger inched towards the doorbell, slowly and painfully. ‘Ding dong ditching is fun, too,’ I thought, ‘I could always resort to that.’

Nonono! This was it, I was going to do this, no matter what!

“OOOOooooOOooOOoOoh!” AHHHHH! What in the world was that?! Oh my gosh, that was the doorbell! They have a doorbell that howls like a ghost…creepy.

“Whos goes there?” I heard from the other side of the door.

“Umm, Timmy?” I responded, unsure of what to do next. I had to focus, though, this all depended on my joke!

“Come in,” the voice continued.

Woah now. I don’t know about other kids around here, but my mom said she’d rather I get picked up by a tornado and die than go into a stranger’s home, especially on Halloween night!

“Sorry…it’s too nice outside right now, I’d rather enjoy it. You should feel this breeze, it’s lovely!” I replied, wondering if I should just bolt from the porch right now and go hide under my covers.

“That’s a shame,” the shaking voice continued, “do you have a joke?”

“Yes, yes. What happened to the bear…um,” I racked my brain for the rest of the joke, I couldn’t believe I was forgetting it, “that…uh…that fell into the lake!!”

No response. Oh my, oh no. I knew I should’ve picked a different joke. Now he’s not even going to respond, and I’m going to look like an idiot just standing out here!

“Umm, Sir?” I hesitantly began to knock on the door—when I felt something wrap around my arm! WHAT IN THE WORLD! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I screeched, “HELP! HELP ME, SOMEBODY!” The slimy tentacle like thing started pulling my down, and I was dragged across the porch floor. If only I had dressed up like a pirate right now! I could take my sword and cut it off, why wasn’t I a pirate?!


No one heard me, no one was helping! How in the world is this HAPPENING TO ME?!

I didn’t even get to finish my joke.