So all throughout high school i had this horrible reputation of being a "slut". I never went and slept around. I never went after people just to fulfill my physical desires.
I dated a lot. Had a lot of relationships. Sometimes two relationships going on at once. Created too many unneccessary love triangles. Had too many crushes all at once. I just loved being in love. I loved the company. I loved having someone hold my hand when I went for walks. Someone who praised me and hugged me when I was sad.
I am currently 22 years old now. I have been in a relationship for 2 years. I've been faithful which has surprised a lot of people who knew me back then. I do love my boyfriend. I've wanted to be with him since I was 13 years old. It's like I'm dating a rock star that I pinned over. ...but my boyfriend is comfort. he's security and someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
I've also been in love with feeling sad. I love writing when I'm depressed. I missed making storylines and tragedies. I could write books about loss of love. But I can't feel that way anymore in this stable relationship.
I have been good. but... I catch the eye of a couple of people. They flirt and I allow them to. Sometimes I comment back and let them know it's okay to be playful. I never hide the fact that I'm in a relationship, but I know that if my boyfriend knew these thoughts he'd be upset. I never intend to cheat, or leave him for someone else. I just want to feel passion. I want to feel like I'm someone new and exciting for a while and then once the flames burn out I can just move on and remain happy with my boyfriend.
I feel rotten about it. But at the same time am I doing something awful?
I'm lost.
I've found someone. He says I'm interesting. He loves the way I put words together. He loves my art work and wants to hear me sing. He knows of my boyfriend, but knows that I am open to a minor flirtationship. Nothing has happened. He only converses with me, which makes me plenty happy.
I just need to know... am I a bad person?