Apparently.

I didn't want to have to ask for advice for this because I want to solve it on my own, but I guess this is just getting out of hand.

I have a friend online, we've known each other for four years or so now and we were really close. Except, I was always afraid to tell her about anything that was personally bothering me, so instead of going to her and being honest, I would just not talk to her for weeks until I felt better. Which, I guess is an ass thing to do, but I just didn't want her to see me differently if I told her what was bothering me.

Anyway, we stopped talking for about a month last year, then got back in contact and during this time my grandfather was dying and there was a lot of family drama. It was causing me so much stress and I felt I should tell my friend, I'll call her £. So I told her about my grandfather and my stupid family and how mean they were being, but then I shared with her that I was feeling very high risk, i wanted to hurt myself and I shared that with her because I thought we knew each other pretty well and we were friends. I thought she'd say something to take my mind away from it. Instead she just said, "I can't help, nothing I say will make it better."

£ ended up ignoring my messages because she felt I needed "time to myself" especially after I shared with her that my grandfather died, despite me telling her multiple times that I didn't want to be left alone, I wanted a friend to talk to.

A few weeks later she asked if I was okay, and the truth is, I wasn't okay, but I responded really bitchlike and said, "yeah I am" and left it at that. Then later I apologized but didn't hear from her again, that was the beginning of this month and I finally heard from her once more today and she was very pissed with me.

She said she can't forget how mean I was to her.

I'm at my wits end. On one side of the fence, I feel like I shouldn't have to apologize anymore, I feel like I am the one who should receive an apology. Yeah, I acted like a bitch, but it never would have happened if I had my friend to just listen to me talk. Then on the other side of the fence, I feel like I should apologize. I should apologize for thinking it would be a good idea to share my life with her and I should have kept my mouth shut, or I should have gone away like I used to do.

I really loved our friendship and it scares me to know that one wrong move could probably end it forever. I thought we were I separable, but it appears we obviously weren't as close as I thought we were.

How do I respond to her now? Her last message to me said she's sorry but she can't forget my last response to her question of "are you feeling better now?"

I don't know what to do. Should I apologize? Should I just forget it? I really wish to save the friendship but I don't want to do this alone. I finally got used to having her out of my life and now that she's possibly back, I'd feel so horrible to lose her for good.

Help!