Well, not to long ago (about a couple of months ago) I broke up with my ex-gf. The reason I broke up with her was because she didn't really care about relationship anymore and plus she was starting to get pretty nasty toward me although I had came to a state where I need her more then anything. At first I became depressed and I really needed her, but when I needed her she just gave me the cold shoulder and treated me like dirt. Then finally after a week or two of not being able to contact each other she goes and dumps me saying she doesn't know why she wants to dump me, but ended the relationship anyway. Of course I cried, but I couldn't really let it out like I wanted to because my mom and granny would have started yelling at me telling me to stop crying and asking me why was I crying and I just can't tell them just yet or maybe ever... The next day at the store I almost broke down crying right in the middle of the store because of the mess. About three weeks later I get on my msn and she left me an offline message saying that she's planning on getting together with some guy soon, but she still feels that she loved me. She came online about an hour later and spoke a while and we ended up back together. But, when we got back together she basically acted and spoke as if I was the one who came back and she threw her announcement at me that she had become a satanist after she dumped me. At first I thought I would be able to handle her news, but a few days in it just really started to get to me. Basically, I was scared of her and her new beliefs. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and all I could do was cry in fear because I was terrified of her. And we tried to speak to each other all we would do is argue with each other about her new big change to herself. She had changed so much I didn't even know who she was anymore and she wouldn't let me get to know her either or even get close to her. She also began to careless about our relationship on whether it lasted or ended or even about my feelings (and sorry if I sound selfish.) So, because of those problems and some others I had to end it with her. It hurt to do it, but I knew I had to do it.

Over time I tried to move and I re-start my life. But, she remained on my mind. I tried to deny the fact that I still loved her, but it wasn't of much use. So, sometime later I just started to think of all the crap she done such as cheating on me, attempting to start a polymarous relationship with some other girl and make me second, treating me like crap when I needed her, lying to me constantly, she even started up some crap pretending to have some split personality and saying stuff that basically really scared me, and so much more wrong stuff.:( Thinking of this stuff helped me to start to hate her and move on. But still, I have moments where my mind drifts back off to her.

At times, I hate her more then anything and it hurts me to think of the things she done to me and makes me wonder if she ever loved me in the first place. But, I also still love her and wonder if maybe it was just my fault why things happened the way they did.

So, what should I do about my problem of loving her and hating her?