Quote:
Originally Posted by Cora
Sad isn't it, how the people around us have so much power to kill our dreams. I feel that so very much. I wish I could tell you I had advice to find that girl back but I don't. I can say though, that I feel you. Don't give up on her, the old you, even if it all seems so hopeless or basic, if someday you find even the tiniest spark in that hold it close. Or find something else that sparks joy.
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it's really funny because i see certain phrases or wordings crop up in my fanfics that i always put into the back of my brain as "huh. that would probably have worked really well in a poem." and then i just jot it down and move on without ever really working it. but now i find i'm enjoying other ways to create. i'm trying to teach myself how to crochet again and i've started needlefelting. my current partner is trying to teach me how to cook slightly more consistently and i am getting better. there's lots of little things that are slowly starting to bring back some joys here and there. and hell, before [gestures vaguely at the state of the world] that, i was starting to look into some smaller RP groups again just to get back into it.
i dont think old me is entirely gone. i think old me is just hiding because there were lots of scary days that plagued her. i dont want old me to go through any of that any more. i'm okay enough now to handle the nightmares and the dread every time my phone rings and i dont know the number. i'm a grown adult and i can help keep some tender-hearted college student feeling a little less terrified. one day, old me'll poke their head out like a baby skunk from under the front porch. things will feel safer and a little more certain and there will be some sort of reassurance that "really. it's okay this time." i know that day might not be some earth shattering realization. the sky wont open up and there won't be a medal from the UN on my chest for finally feeling okay again. but i'm still looking forward to it. :)