Ah, summer! Full of mowing and pulling, wheezing and sneezing, and bugbites. The culling of children's clothes, long outgrown; the sorting of things you should have thrown away years ago, and feeble attempts to complete your "spring" cleaning before it starts snowing.. There are always about a billion things I need to do in the summer, with less than half of them being even remotely appealing. When I was offered the carnival booth gig, how could I resist? All I gotta do is stand here by this dicewheel with my pal Howdy, look cute and pass out stuff, right? *chomps watermelon*

Tremble with fear, insignificant mortals! Mwahahahaha! … Er uh, I mean… Salutations to all you Boardwalk Babies! I am Captain Howdy, captain of the S.S. Exorcist and your co-host for The Wheel of Fate. Some of you may have taken note of me as I bunny hop, hither and thither, about the forums. Or you may have read my biography, Welcome to Howdy-wood, which spent a full six and a half minutes on the New York Times Best Sellers list. For those of you who aren’t familiar with my sexy body of work, here are some facts about me. I’m a Capricorn. I like short walks off the beach, preferably to somewhere there is no threat of getting sand in my ass crack. And I spent a good many years as one of John Denver’s backup dancers.