Dear substances that intoxicates a person,

I do not like you at all. You have caused too many problems in my life. People ask me why I'm not a party person or why I don't like to drink. Ha, I don't like your kind. You've ruined much of my life and continue to do harm to the delicate stability of a life, of a home, of a relationship that is barely staying together. Who ever invented you is an idiot I could never respect. I really hate the way you have impacted much of my life even though I am not the one to use you. I have before, in a stupid and regrettable part of my past. Fortunately it wasn't for very long. But yet, your influence still hovers in my life, but not through me. I really do not like you.

-Me

Dear...You,

So what now? What is up with you lately? I understand that things are very stressful and I understand that it is bothering you, but when help is literally chasing you down, why are you running? My mother and I have both been actively trying to find jobs for both of us. We have been looking around. But you.. you are barely trying! WHY? It's like you don't really care if we lose everything we have. You can't handle stress very well? I thought that the opportunities that have been presenting themselves to us would help! Three different jobs that we can try for have come up today and yesterday. But what are you doing? You aren't even interested. I do not understand. A friend of my Dad has offered hiring you in construction for 100 dollars a day working only 7 hours and no weekends. You weren't even remotely interested. And then when I found that there is some people looking for farm workers, I thought for sure that would spark your interest because you enjoy outside work and you grew up on a farm. The pay for that was great! And I could do it with you! But something that you actually enjoy doing.. you didn't even care! WHY THE HELL NOT? Why aren't you trying? Why are you just drinking your days away when I've found us work? I barely was able to get you to put in an application somewhere today. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! You keep saying that we are going to lose everything, that if we don't get a job we aren't going to have anything here. Well, thanks to my mother and me we have opportunities at our doorstep, but you aren't interested? Are you wanting us to lose everything? I know that stress is getting to you and all you want to do is run and drink, but you CAN'T!! Today, you have left me alone to have been at your Dad's all morning drinking with him. THAT IS NOT A SOLUTION! The work that my mother and I have found pays good! We could live comfortably! But you aren't trying anymore! Before we got married an you quit your job at Coremark, the very next day you were up and on your feet calling everywhere and found a job within a week and you were stressed out then too, so why now? It's been a few days since you have quit your last job and you just... have chosen to drink more than look or even try for that matter. If you don't care, if you really do not care, then how do you expect us to make it? I cannot be married to someone who would rather be forced to move back in with his own parents than try to keep the home we have made for ourselves. You are 31 years old and you should know better. Yet, me, who just turned 21 is being more reasonable about this? I have told you about these job opportunities and you have shrugged your shoulders to them. Literally. Didn't say a word about them, didn't care. Just drank your little heart away. GROW A PAIR AND STOP RUNNING AWAY AND HIDING BEHIND BEER! I cannot stand it. I am trying. And trying. I tried all day yesterday, looked for jobs, searched online. What did you do? You called one person that you have worked for before. That's it. I was all excited to tell you that there was a job opening at the local Tractor's Supply. No, it isn't much, but there is an opening for a few people and I had applied there in a heartbeat yesterday. What did you do? You beat around the bush, shrugged it off, and FINALLY this morning you applied for a job there. But we both know the pay will be minimum and it will be hard there. Especially if only one of us could get the job, but that isn't saying that either of us will. So, my mother has really been trying to help. She found a job driving those fertilizer trucks around from a family friend that could pull some strings for you! BUT YOU SAID NO! She found a job through another family friend for construction work where you would be making really good money, BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE! And then I find that someone is looking for farmhands, something that I thought for sure you would love to do and you still DID NOT CARE! What is going on in that head of yours? Perhaps I am being unreasonable too, but while I am trying and trying, you are drinking. And drinking and not caring if we lose it all. We do not have a source of income at the moment. We have no money at all. WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT? I am stressed out too because we have responsibilities, but you don't see me running away from it. No, I am facing it and trying. I have been looking around for odd jobs. Pet sitters, house cleaning, and petty jobs like that making nothing, but at least it would be something. And you aren't doing jack shit about this. Except spending our last bit of money on beer when we need groceries. When we could use foo for the pets. I hate saying this, I really do, but I guess there was a reason a had that miscarriage. Because I would be due in November and by the look of things, we wouldn't even be able to take care of our baby anyway. Everything happens for a reason and I guess I finally understand why we will never see that baby. You can't even keep yourself together long enough when a stressful situation occurs. You need to get your life together, you need to figure out what you are going to do. I know I haven't been much help, I've been waiting on getting a job, but you worked and yes, I understand it was hard on you, but we were making it. And you told me soooo many times that you didn't want help, that you didn't want me working and you could do it yourself. So, I was waiting. Waiting for a job at the Vet's to open up and apply there. But now, I am really trying. And you are giving up. I can't do this without you. And you are turning your back on me on this. It hurts us. It really hurts us. Get yourself together. I know our vows said "For better or worse", but how can I stay with someone who is giving up and not even trying to keep everything we have? If you don't straighten up, what can I do?

-Me

---------- Post added 07-25-2013 at 04:28 PM ----------

Dear You Again,

So, I tried to talk to you about this. Tried to talk to you and what happens? I end up feeling worse and crying. You don't care? You just going to ruin our life by giving up? You're just going to drink until you pass out? You're becoming what I hate. Please don't do this to us. Please don't do this. Please don't cut the fragile strings holding us together. I can't stay with someone who can't take care of themselves. That may be wrong, but how can I be strong enough for the both of us? How can I keep caring when you don't? It isn't easy and I know you have problems, I know you have depression spells, I know you can't stay together that good, but you can't do this. Not to me, not to us. You have gotten to get it together and I am wondering if I need to leave for you to do so. I don't know what else to do.

-Me

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