Castiel couldn't decide how he felt about this situation. On one hand, Ethriel was a friend and on a mission from God, from which she wouldn't be able to move on without completing it. Of course he wanted to help her, but that involved a lot more change in his life than he was willing to give at the moment. On the other hand, he had been feeling more inclined toward many human emotions and desires lately. He found himself craving food and drink, needing to attend to his personal hygiene, and sleeping and sometimes even dreaming. Before he had even turned human, however, he had been experiencing what he thought might be human emotion, but he had disregarded them and continued with his duties. However now that his duties had changed and he no longer held his angelic ability to somewhat reign in those emotions, he found himself experiencing them far more strongly and undeniably.

And on a completely confounding yet unignorable hand, he knew he wouldn't mind exploring those emotions more, if they were with Dean.

If he thought about exploring them with anyone else, Castiel found himself oddly… sick. Not as if he would vomit, mind, but more like there was a hand clamping around his stomach. Or his heart. As if the only way to alleviate the pressure was to unthink those thoughts, but he knew that was unreasonable. Why did it matter who he was to… spend time with? If he had learned anything from Dean in their time together, it was that human… couplings… weren't as important to most people. Or perhaps that mindset only applied to Dean.

That thought also made his heart ache.

It was strange, having all of these human emotions finally making some sort of sense to him. For the longest time, he thought they were simply random things that his now human body needed to experience, but now that he had a name to give the thoughts and feelings, he was far more comfortable with them. Not with what he was supposed to do with them, but the actual feelings themselves. No, acting on them was something that he was not ready for yet, and therein lied the problem.

Castiel waited a few hours after Ethriel left to go talk to Dean. He had an idea on where the hotheaded human might be, and so he immediately took the route towards the shooting range. As he drew nearer, he heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire, and he felt for a small moment proud of himself for knowing his friend so well. That feeling instantly went away when he saw the look on that same friend's face.

Dean was angry, there was no doubt about that. But there was also a softness around his features - a vulnerability that hinted at a greater turmoil. Castiel knew that the only reason he was even allowed to see that expression was because the hunter didn't know anyone else was in the room.

Stepping more into the room, Castiel took care not to startle the angry man with a gun. After a few rounds, the room quieted enough that he knew be able to be heard. "Dean?"

The hunter jumped, not expecting any company so soon. When he turned to see who it was that had interrupted his session, a new color flashed onto his features. Castiel wasn't sure if it was surprise, anger, or… something else.

When Dean didn't respond, Castiel took a few more steps toward him and extended a hand, but didn't touch. "Ethriel's gone," he said simply, not knowing what else to say.

Dean scoffed. "Yeah, I figured you'd kick her out after what she said. Just who does that bitch think she is?" he growled, his fingers tightening around the weapon in his hands.

A surge of protectiveness shot through Castiel at the words. "She is a very old friend, Dean. Whatever she has been tasked in regards to you, please do not hold it against her. She is simply a messenger, nothing more. But she is a very good friend and I would like you to treat her as such, for my sake." There was a small pleading in his voice that Castiel hadn't planned, but it held in the air for longer than he would have thought so. He didn't know why, but it was extremely important that Dean not hate Ethriel.

Dean looked just as surprised by Castiel's plead that the anger washed out of his face and his muscles seemed to loosen somewhat. He sat the gun down on the small half-wall and turned toward the ex-angel. "Yeah, I know. Sorry Cas." He paused, bringing his hand up to the back of his neck. "It's just… weird."

Castiel let out a small huff of humorless laughter. "I am aware of the strangeness of our predicament." There was a long pause in which neither man knew what exactly to say. Castiel sat down on a bench near Dean, silently motioning with his eyes for Dean to sit next to him. The hunter didn't move. Castiel took in a long breath before confessing his thoughts. "I am unsure how to proceed. While the situation is indeed incredibly… weird… I am positive that it cannot simply be ignored." He paused to gage Dean's reaction, but he got nothing. "I am sure that you are aware that this is larger than you or I - "

"How? I mean it's basically a huge thing to try and get us to bang, right? How can that not be about us?!" Dean's questions neared hysterics.

Castiel flinched at the harsh words. "Ethriel, while being an angel, is still a cherub and therefore weaker than most. It is not up to her to decide who she is sent to match. While believing full heartedly in this job," he said awkwardly, clearing his throat almost inaudibly. "she is confused on where the orders come from. I tend to agree."

Dean looked utterly lost. His brow furrowing, he finally plopped next to Castiel on the bench and leaned his elbows on his knees, thinking. "Wait. So you're saying she doesn't even know who her boss is?"

Castiel nodded. "She has noted that before Michael was forced into the Cage, orders were sent to her at regular intervals. After, however, they became erratic and unable to complete at the rate they were being sent. When the Gates closed, the orders stopped. And so, for months, the cherubs have been scrambling to try and go down what Ethriel believes is a list of couples."

"So there was some sort of build-up and now the cupids are trying to clean up the mess?"

"Yes. However, when she came to us she was dumbfounded."

It was then that Dean finally looked up at Castiel, his green eyes burning into Castiel's blue. "Yeah, so what? She's just freaked out her old buddy finally got a date or something? Or was she into you or what?"

Castiel pulled a face, scrunching his nose. "I don't believe so. Dean, do you realize that angel and human relationships are, for the most part, forbidden?"

"Uh… no. I didn't 'realize' that. Why's that important?"

The ex-angel sighed, exasperated. "Ethriel has gone down her list far enough that she believes she is completing jobs that were assigned somewhere around two years ago. I was still an angel then."

"So what you're saying is that there's an angel up there that's trying to get us in trouble or something?"

"No, Dean." Castiel repressed the urge to roll his eyes - a very human expression. "Ethriel originally believed that her orders came from Michael, but she has since realized that can't be true. And the only other being that is in higher power than Michael is… God."

Dean was stunned into silence. He sighed then, and rolled his hips while swinging his legs out in an attempt to stretch backwards. Then his lips tightened and his eyes met Castiel's. "So the head honcho is who set us up? You're sayin' freaking God wants us together?"

"I'm saying it's the likeliest of all possibilities, by a very far shot."

"Long shot."

Castiel looked at Dean, confused. "What?"

Dean's lips quirked then, his old personality reasserting itself. "The phrase is 'by a long shot'. Nerd."

The ex-angel couldn't help but smile at that, leaning back into the bench like Dean had done. They sat in silence as once again Castiel was coming to grips with his new human emotions. He closed his eyes, then, trying to relax into the bench and the nearness of his best friend. For a few moments, he didn't miss his grace, or his brothers and sisters. He didn't miss his Father, either. He was content to simply sit with the man he knew he could love.

Dean was the first to move. An air of uneasiness had come back down on him, and Castiel could instantly feel it. He wondered what the man was thinking. Was it about the angels? Sam? Crowley? Or was it about their current situation? Surely the simple fact that a cherub was nearby didn't bother Dean that much. The fact that Ethriel had come to them first obviously meant that she wouldn't force them into anything, which Castiel was grateful for. But he wasn't sure Dean knew that.

"Dean," Castiel said softly, looking out of his now open eyes to the man fidgeting minutely beside him.

The hunter instantly looked towards him, as if he was surprised. "Yeah Cas?"

"Rest easy. You won't be forced into anything you do not want." When Dean looked at him, confused, Castiel sat up more and faced him again. "Surely you know that because Ethriel informed us of her job, rather than just completing it, she doesn't intend to force us into anything? She talked to me after you stormed out of the room." Dean was about to interrupt him and tell the ex-angel that he had not, in fact, stormed out of the room, but Castiel kept going. "She is willing to leave if you decide that you truly do not want it."

Another silence, but this one was far more tense than the last. "What do you mean if I decide? This goes both ways, Cas. What did you tell her?"

Castiel's heart sped up instantly, and he felt a small heat creep up his neck and into his cheeks. Dean swallowed, but didn't say anything else. Castiel sighed heavily. "I simply told her about my experiences as a human so far and what I felt about them."

Dean's eyes threatened to widen, but Dean looked determined to get the truth before jumping to conclusions. "What do you mean your experiences? Cas, just tell me what you said to her."

He shifted uncomfortably, eyes looking down at the floor in front of him. "When she asked me how I felt about the prospect of being with you, I told her that… That I had recently been experiencing more human feelings and… desires, both mental and physical." He stopped, waiting for something, he wasn't sure what. "I told her that while I had not previously thought about it, I could… I didn't… I would not mind experiencing them with you."

Dean stood up then, breathing heavily. He ran his hand down his face and adjusted the collar of his jacket. He started to pace.

The tension in the room was suddenly a thousand times worse.

Dean found himself looking at the gun, still laying on the counter in front of the shooting range. His jaw clenched as he tried to get rid of the urge to start practicing again. He knew it would only make Cas more nervous and himself angry, and more stressed than already - which he did not need. Instead, he took another couple paces around the room before sitting back on the bench with his angel. The angel. Ex-angel. Ugh.

He still didn't say anything, however. He ran his hands over his face again and leaned forward on his knees.

"If you wish me to leave, I will understand," said Castiel meekly, feeling crushed by the lack of response. In that moment, he realized just how important Dean's opinion of him was. And he suddenly realized why he didn't like the idea of experiencing human things with anyone else, or why he didn't like Dean experiencing them with anyone but himself. Castiel wanted the hunter for himself, and he wanted to be with him. The thought made him shudder, the sudden weight of it pushing down on his shoulders. Perhaps he should leave the room anyway.

"No, Cas. Don't leave." The strange lilt to Dean's voice made Castiel pause in his thoughts. It settled his stomach slightly. He looked at the hunter, then, a curiosity bubbling and slowly erasing the crushing fear that had taken residence in him. "I'm just…" Dean spoke through his hands, still not moving or even looking towards the ex-angel. "I can't think about this right now. I'm sorry. If I'd known, if I had even thought for a minute that you'd want this, I'd…" he trailed off.

"It's okay, Dean. I understand if you don't want it. I will not speak of it further."

Dean groaned, throwing his head back and flopping back against the back of the bench and turning his head towards Castiel's for the first time since his confession. "That's not what I meant. I just need…" he trailed, his eyes closing in exasperation. He fumbled for the words. "I need time," he said finally.

Then he abruptly stood up, not looking back at his ex-angel, and walked out of the room slowly and quietly.

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