*WARNING! MIGHT BE TRIGGERING! PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!*
(Trigger warning; rape, abuse, etc.)


I was recently on a forum where someone asked this question..
"If I am having sex with someone, I'm not on birth control, and they don't pull out to avoid pregnancy... is that rape?"

I'll give you my opinion... It's not rape. The sex itself was consensual. Having sex, then later regretting it, or not liking the way it went IS NOT RAPE. I know, I seem harsh here, but honestly, I've been seeing more and more of this lately... People having sex, or being in sexual situations (all consensual) and then later having regrets about it... NOT rape!

I'll admit, that particular situation is a grey area. I do believe that what he did was really asshat of him. If a partner does not respect your boundaries, they are not worth having sex with. But this person did say that the sex was consensual. They were not drugged, drunk and did not say "no". But some people may interpret their request for their partner to pull out as "saying no". What are your thoughts on this?

The reason why I am upset is because people act like *I* am the bad person for saying that bad sex =/= rape. I've been seeing shit like this more and more. On this same forum someone asked, "Is it rape if my mom touched my butt as an infant while changing my diaper?" LIKE... SERIOUSLY! WTF! And the sad thing is, people are so quick to say, "Yes that was rape! You were an infant! How DARE your mother touch your butt!"

It's so frustrating because it invalidates actual rape. I was not taken seriously by police, therapists, my parents, anyone I told about the fact that I was raped... I'm glad that people are not victim-blaming anymore... But not EVERYTHING is rape! Rape is a very, very serious crime and can have a HUGE effect on your life and mental state... It can cause PTSD, night terrors, flashbacks, unstable relationships... Having your ass touched as a baby IS NOT SEXUAL ABUSE. How the fuck do you even remember being in diapers?!

Someone got really anal with me on that and was like, "She was assaulted and you're NOT helping her!" It hurt me a lot. It hurt because I was *actually* raped and NO ONE believed me. I spent years holding it in, listening to people telling me that I was "lying"... I even lost friends in middle school after I told them what happened. It was the most isolating thing I'd ever experienced.. But, someone has regrets after sex? Yeah, it's rape!

And the worst part about it was, this person said, "We've come a long was as a society. Women don't have to do everything a man says anymore!" As if that being "empowered" means to call everything sexual assault/rape. I like the #MeToo, I like that more and more women are coming out and sharing their experiences... But I don't like it when people try to jump on the bandwagon... I don't know. Because they want to be involved?! It's just like the whole "I'm OCD because I can't stop washing my hands!" Thing...

I don't agree with victim blaming... *I* was a "victim" of victim blaming. What I *don't* agree with is when people say they've been abused when they clearly were not. I hate that. Bad sex or painful sex or awkward sex is NOT rape. If the person was drunk, drugged or said no, that is rape, even if they didn't want to have sex but were coerced into it, even THAT is rape.. But consenting to sex and later regretting it for whatever reason, that is NOT rape.

/rant

And please, tell me your opinions?