Bio(hazard): Male. 45 years old.

Net worth: $1500 in cubic zirconian diamonds

Marital status: Never taken the plunger

Skills: Eating, driving, relaxing, cleaning, making messes, annoying friends and foes alike.

Likes: Sugar and sweet waitresses.

Dislikes: All things contrary to logic, common sense, truth, justice, and apple pie. Bad drivers.

Achievements: Got a haircut and got a real job.

Failures: Hair receding worse than California.

Original quotes: "If you have the money, but don't have the time, then you don't have the money."

Hobbies:
Calvin
Secrets