01-09-2018, 09:44 PM
Again, written in 2013.
Dear Nate Ruess,
I can't say I am your biggest fan ever because I am a human not a fan.
I can blow air like a fan, though.
Anyway, I am writing to you from the hospital. I am not sick, but I have been making plans to kill myself. They tell me I am safe here in the hospital, but I always felt safe when I heard you sing. I have all of fun's albums and before being admitted to the hospital I would listen to Aim and Ignite every day, straight thru. I really miss hearing your voice. One of my favorite songs, "I Wanna Be The One" would always calm me down when I felt anxious. It wasn't so much the lyrics, just the clear sound of your voice.
The truth is, today has been an awful day for me. I am so scared I can't leave my room. I can't eat. I'm on my period and I feel like a murder victim. I know this sounds creepy, but there is a picture of you, Nate, singing @ Lollapalooza in the GLAMOUR magazine I am reading it kind of comforts me to be able to see you daily at least. Hopefully, I will not be here very long and soon I can go home to hear your beautiful voice once more. I may not be able to meet you because I am not sure I will be alive to. Ugh, I'm sorry, I do not mean to scare you or make you feel bad. I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you and the other members of fun.
I really hate being in the hospital. I miss my home, my bed, everything. I don't want to be here for long. I don't know if you understand how I feel right now. But whether you truly do or not, it always feels like you do through your songs. The song you did w/ Pink especially makes me feel like you understand.
Anyway, I love your band, fun. and I love your music. I can't wait to be discharged so I can go home and hear your voice again. I really miss you. I hope you are doing well and please continue making new songs. Thanks!
- Your human fan
[Ava]
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