Mene is like the mafia.

You want to put a hit on the boss (not anyone in particular, just the site personified) and leave forever to start a new life. But when you think you're free and are about to make a break for the hills they suck you back in with feelings.

How does one leave the only life they've ever known. I've been feeling ok today and hanging out in the hangout thread. Trying to post and focus on good things but I'm finding it dificult.

However, I think I do need to seriously seek some council. And not just because of Menewsha being "stressful" for me. My self destructive side has been very busy this week across the board. I haven't physically self harmed in a long time, and I still haven't, so that's a plus. But I came really close Sunday night.

What I've been doing is a different kind of self harm. I've been trying to further isolate myself and I don't know what brought this current bout on. I realized a long time ago that I'm a toxic person and I've been trying to get better and change. I've had mostly good days for a long time. This week though...well last week.

• I booted out my bf twice this weekend. (Why this man comes back every time I do this I'll never know)
• I unfriended almost all the people I've meet through conventions in my life on FB. (WTF cold)
• I went full feminist in one of my bewbie groups. (even bigger wtf as I draw for that audience.)
• And of course this gem of a thread. (-.- sigh)

I'm not a physiologist but I think I have a problem.

I feel like I'm constantly under attack from everyone, even if I can see it's not true in most cases. I feel like I need to be defensive about everything or attack first. I feel like nothing I do really matters or makes a difference to anyone. I don't know what to do with myself.

I apologize for putting everyone though my crazy. I'm still pensive about staying, but I can see what you guys are saying about my stuff. I guess I'll keep it.

Hell I still have the rest of the female commons to go after. I should at least conquer my goals before giving up. XD

~

I appreciate the vote of confidence Roachi but me with an admin tittle would be a bad idea. One manic episode like I've h ad this week and Oops the shops got deleted.

...wait wut are you guys planing. O.o