06-28-2008, 04:53 AM
83. Heal :Continuation of Break
I write to you know with the intention of perhaps fixing somewhat of what I have broken between us. First I must admit, that I know what I did was not wrong and that, if the chance were to pass between us again, I would save you again, one hundred times over.
You want to know why I never warned you of what was to come, why I never told you that our king, the true and greatest king our nation has ever known in years had to die the night of his inauguration. It is simply this: I could not.
How unfair you might say. How could you not make an exception for the one man I had ever loved and had truly loved me back? (As I have and still do) Shonasha, I would never ask you to bare the curse of what I know, for it is a curse. There is no kindness in knowing the events that will come to pass in a person's life simply by looking at them. I knew this more than ever when I first laid my eyes on you. I learned of what we would have together, but also what you would have to suffer, and still do now. Maybe you remember those first years you came to the manor, though I would forgive you for trying your best to forget the, but I will remind you that I was always near. Maybe I could not reach out and touch as I longed to, to rip you from my brother's grasp and release you like a captured dove. I was there though, and my thoughts were always turned towards your future, watching for any event that may turn the events and alleviate your pain.
You may remember the death of Lady Crilian. Yes, there was more pain in that death to you, but it released you in the end did it not? The moment she arrived I knew, but I let Totsu kill her and frame the crime to you all because I knew in the end that it would free you. You may be disgusted with me for I truly am her murderer but I hope more than anything that you can at least live with my confession to you. Everything I have done since I first met you, has been to move you forward and let you survive so that you may one day be happy and live in peace. I am atoning for the sins of my past in the only way I know how.
I want to repent for the things that I have led my brother to do. I said this foresight was a curse and I will prove to you that it is, if only to make you believe me, even if you will hate me until the day that I die. When I was a child, when my brother and I were children we were the sons of forest demons in a simple tribe living on the mountains. Despite what my teachers warned me of my gift, I looked into my brother's future and saw my brother seated on a throne. I led him away from the village and we killed two son's of the Lord Tsinigani and took their places. Living since then we have promoted ourselves to be his favorites and to forget the past that we left behind.
I have guilt since then. Our tribe was massacred by a rouge Shieto clan and I learned of it's horrors from an only survivor. When the man recognized me I spat in his face and had him thrown out. Since then my brother has been ever moving towards that single image of himself on a thrown and he has taken advantage of my curse to get there.
So I leaved you to blame me for every wrong that has ever occurred in your life. Every one is because of my mistake in breaking that sacred law, that I am the watcher and not the teller. I simply want you to believe me when I say that I have been trying ever since then to repent for it. Maybe I did not tell you that Murasaki was to die, but I think it is evident that one can never expect what a simple action can cause to occur in the future.
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