My Artifact Entry:

I call it: The Idol of Mala'aku'nadee


Artifact Name: The Idol of Mala'aku'nadee
Is this based on an art entry? Yers. :B (Here) and (Here)
My Lore Entry:
These are the notes of Captain Howdy… the III, Esq., PhD, LMNOP.

I am writing this now on some salvaged scrap paper I received from Belly. My own rhinestone-studded One Direction diary was lost in the crash. A pity, really.

We’ve been stuck on this god-forsaken island for what seems forever. It’s unbearable. There’s absolutely no place to charge my iPad, and i’m still not caught up on the Real Housewives of Siberia. -- My spirits are low. The others manage to keep themselves preoccupied. Some salvage for food. Some have gone off on a search party. Even Jeryck keeps busy by flirting with that old castaway, Madame R. I mean really, get a room.

But me? I’m far too pretty for any of that kinda stuff. -- But this morning jelly emerged from the jungle and tossed something at my feet. “Here,” she said, “see what you can make of this bollocks.”

It was an old stone, caked with soil. Wiping off the dirt, it revealed itself to be some sort of relic. Jeryck, managing to tear his eyes away from his disheveled damsel, was highly interested. “Aw,” he proclaimed, “then this island must have been home to some long gone peoples!” I inquired if he was going to search for clues as to what the relic is, but he replied that his day was full. Beginning with a roast seagull luncheon with Madame R.

So the task was left to me. I asked jelly where she had located the object. It was, as she eloquently put, by some cave where she was taking a wazz. After some searching, keeping mind where I stepped, I managed to locate the cave and its entrance. Inside was dark, damp, musty all the other adjectives you’d associate with a cave. Switching on the flashlight I had swiped from Lance, I ventured further and further into the blackness, all the while trying to remember which were stalagmites and which were stalactites.

Seeing little to nothing, I was about to give up and turn back when I spotted something that gave me a shock. It was a skeleton, wearing a pith helmet. Faced with the situation, I did what any normal person would do. I removed his skull and used it as a ventriloquist’s dummy.

Howdy: Hey Skully, you mad that you’re dead?
Skully: You bet I am! I’m pithed off!
*BARRUM BUM*

It was only then that I noticed a notebook at his side. Tossing Skully over my shoulder, I picked up the book and began to read.

It was a journal, belonging to a Professor Sedrick James Haverston. He was an explorer who came to the island back in the 1920s. He was searching for evidence of a people, called the Ohloga, who had once lived on this island. He fervently believed that they carried the secret of turning plum pudding into gold. “Sounds like you were barmier than an outhouse rat.” I called back to Skully.

After perusing the journal, stopping briefly to read of the love affair between Professor Haverston and a medicine ball named Wilson, I found what I was looking for. He had discovered and translated some old text pertaining to the relic. His notes read:

“The stone in question is called the Idol of Mala’aku’nadee. To understand its purpose, one should first know some of the mythology of the Ohloga.

Long ago, in the time before creation, the Ohloga believed there was only Grandmother Sky. She encompassed all things. Her left eye was the sun and her right was the moon. For countless ages she existed on her own, until she began to lament her solitude. So opening her womb, as the story reads, she gave birth to Mother Earth and Father Ocean.

Now created, Grandmother Sky commanded the two to populate the land. From this union, first came the gods. It was they who filled the world with plants and animals. Next, Mother Earth bore humankind. This pleased Grandmother Sky greatly, and she loved them dearly.

At their inception, humans were born fully grown and incapable of reproducing. When one died, Mother Earth and Father Ocean would copulate and create another. But as the world became more and more populated and more peopled died, the two became weary from their constant mating. So Grandmother Sky, taking pity on the pair, reached down and touched the top of a tanagu tree.

A tanagu, a fruit reminiscent of an apricot, began to swell and grow larger. The fruit split, and from within emerged Mala’aku’nadee. It was she who gave humans the ability to bear offspring and became the goddess of children, birth and motherhood.

The tanagu became Mala’aku’nadee’s sacred fruit and only children and expectant mothers were allowed to eat of it.

Having no knowledge of the young, the people were ill prepared to care for them. The goddess attempted to teach the men and women, but they were impatient and neglectful. So in her anger, Mala’aku’nadee stole her gift back. Soon mankind began to die out. They grew repentant, and begged for her forgiveness.

Knowing that humans were beloved by Grandmother Sky, Mala’aku’nadee gave them a second chance. But to forever remind the people of how precious children are, she would demand offerings.

This is where the idol fits in. One side represents Mala’aku’nadee’s generosity and the other represents her wrath. Once a generation, all the children of the Ohloga villages were gathered and forced to play a macabre game of heads or tails. Flipping the stone into the sand, those who gained her generosity were spared. Those who gained her wrath would flip again, continuing until there were two children left. The unlucky youth who remained at the end was chosen. They would be fed, bathed, then taken to the sacred fire pit at the center of the island and sacrificed to Mala’aku’nadee.”

All was silent in the cave. Putting the notebook down, I turned to Skully and commented, “Those Ohloga were pretty f’ed up.”

My task now accomplished, i’ll return this information to Jeryck and maybe he’ll let me keep the stone as a paper weight.

__________________