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Captain Howdy
L'Enfant Terrible
☆☆
Assistant Administrator
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03-15-2014, 08:30 AM
I remember the first time jelly and I met. It was at an Oktoberfest in Düsseldorf. The year was 1983.
She was in Germany as an apprentice, studying how to make traditional lederhosen. I was totally confused, convinced that I had been in Baltimore for the past four and a half months.
We were both queued up at the Heinrich's Bitchin' Bratwurst stand when she asked me, in German, what time it was. I replied, "I didn't spit at anything." I understood not a word of German.
She said, "Oh, you speak English." I countered, "Actually I speak American." Thankfully the two languages are eerily similar.
We chatted while the line moved up, until we were informed at the window that there was only one Bratwurst left. jelly politely insisted that I take it. I remarked that I wouldn't dream of it, doubly insisting that she have it. This went back and forth. It was a proper politeness showdown. So jelly suggested that we split it.
We found a table near a rather plump woman with a mustache and got to know each other. There was an undeniable spark between us. True, we had our differences. I liked Devo and the B-52's. She liked Wham and Duran Duran. She watched Different Strokes. I watched Webster. -- But despite the differences, we clicked. I knew this was a very special person. A person I could see spending my life with.
The mustachioed woman leaned over and asked if I was going to finish my Bratwurst. I said, "What's with all the Germans in Baltimore?!"
Half a year later, jelly and I were married.
Our relationship had its ups and downs. And though we would eventually divorce after she left me in the desert to die, I still think jelly is a very special person. And she will always have a piece of my heart. 
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