Day 2

I do not know the dates so I will have to keep track by using days. This is coming to be the end of my second day here and I am ready to leave. Everyone is against me even the doctors are against me now. They are working for the man and they are trying to gather information on me so that they can use it against me to give to the man. I cannot give them any more information on me. They will only use it against me.

They keep telling me I am safe here but I do not feel very safe. I am scared of the man breaking in or coming to me through someone else's body because that is what he did in my dream. I know he can do it. He used another person's body to hurt me so I do not trust these doctors or these staffs or anyone but Kristy [Name changed. My therapist] and my parents. Even though they do not understand the danger they are in either! They don't understand the danger I am in! But these doctors

[Okay, my writing is REALLY REALLY hard to read and understand so some of this I will have to guess?]

*These doctors are against me. They do not believe in me they work for the man they are being paid to [make?] sure that I am hurt again. They won't squeeze any more information out of me!

Lately, I've missed my friends. I miss Nate Ruess but I got to hear him on the radio again. That was nice. I really miss him. I used to hear him sing every day and now I can't hear him at all. That makes me very sad. He could always cheer me up w/his voice. I would ask for a radio but I am too scared. Not scared of asking, just scared of using the radio. I don't know how to trust or what to think anymore. I'm just scared. I guess. I'm scared of being spied on. Kristy told me I was safe, but how can I trust her completely? I used to trust her and I still want to that is why I agreed to come to the hospital in the first place.

Back to my friends... I miss them so much. I am thinking of calling John and letting him know I am in the hospital. This is so crazy, to think four days ago I was completely fine and now I am terrified for my life that this man is coming back to hurt me. They are doing rounds now and everything is scaring me. I just want to go home. I think I will tell them that I want to be discharged now. I can't stay here any longer with people who are just here to spy on me. They don't really want to help, they're just trying to hurt me. They want me to leave so that they can hand me over to the man.

I'm [so scared?] I have to get out of here. I have to kill myself. I have to [escape?] somehow But [how???] I am too scared but I need to escape. I need to get out of here. They are only trying to hurt me more and I have to get out.

I just want to hear Nate's voice again. I just need to hear him, he calms me down and.

I think I understand it now. It all makes sense, they are trying to poison me. They are trying to drug me somehow with the water and so the man can come into my room at night to hurt me. I can't eat or drink anything they give me. They just want to poison me! Yes! It all makes sense now. I can't take these new meds anymore either. They are only trying to poison me. They keep asking me if I want to eat and I keep saying no. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I 'm scared of being hurt again.

Why doesn't anymore understand me? Why don't SOMEONE out there believe what trouble I am in. It feels like no one cares about me.

My stomach hurts so much from these stupid cramps. No one cares about me, no one cares what I am trying to do to protect the ones I love. No one understands. And being in the hospital I am just off the face of the earth. I think I will call John. I need someone who knows where I am and what I'm doing in case something happens to me and my family.

Yes, I am going to call John. Just need to get his # from my phone.

- End of Day 2