My anxiety has gotten worse...I hate going to bed at night because of how horribly panicked I feel when I wake up.
When I woke this morning (Saturday) the panic was joined by unexplained sadness...
Throughout the day I just broke down and cried for seemingly no good reason...
Then my daughter called me to tell me that her cat, Tweety...the cat that lived with me for about 10 years before going back to live with my daughter...the cat that Hope has known all her life...was not doing well and probably was nearing the end of her life.
When the BF and I went to their house, Tweety was breathing rapidly and apleared to not be able to hear or see us. She did make an attempt to sit up...but she soon gave up and laid back down. She also ate a small amount of canned food and licked a tiny amount of ice cream from my daughter's finger...
Then we all got into the van and took Tweety to the animal hospital to have her put to sleep.
Hope and Sarah came to say goodbye.
We all stayed until she took her last breath...though Hope chose to not watch the procedure.
There were many tears from all but Sarah...I don't think Sarah truly understood what was happening...but she did pet Tweety and said Goodbye.
Hope is 6 years old and tends to keep her sadness to herself...but I repeatedly told her that it is okay to be sad and to cry and that she should find somebody to talk to about how she feels.
Then we drove back to my daughter's house...Hope's dad was home from a business meeting and wanted Hope to start getting ready for bed since it was hours past her regular bedtime.
I listened to Hope read me a book...then I got some hugs and kisses and we laughed about some goofy words that Hope was saying...then it was time for me to go and for her to listen to her dad read her a bedtime story.
I hugged my daughter and told her how sorry I was and that Iove her and I left.
I chose to take Sarah for a ride in the car before we went home.
I was doing okay until I decided we needed to go home...then the tears tried to break through...but I was driving, so I pushed them away.
Since we have been home, the tears come in waves...I'm fine one minute, bawling the next.
Tweety has lived at my daughter's house for the past 3 years...because I asked Hope if, when I found my own place to live, did she want Tweety to stay with me or did she want her to stay with her...and at 3 years of age, Hope said "I want Tweety to stay with me to watch over me."
Hope is 3 years older now...and understands that Tweety got old and her body wore out.
I am sad for myself because Tweety was an extraordinary friend during the time she lived with me...I will miss hearing about her.
I am also sad for Hope because Tweety has been a part of her life since she was too young to remember.
At least there is reason to my sadness...
Before this, I was just sad and didn't know why.
We are planning for Hope to come for a sleepover at our house next weekend...
That is something I can happily look forward to.