5. Procrastinate

You’ve put this off too long. Don’t make it any harder on yourself. Don’t kill yourself with regret. Stop living with the guilt and do something about it!

My silent battle with self carried on for too long. I didn’t want to go. In fact I wanted to run for the hills and never return, but that wasn’t an option. Instead I took a shuddering breath for courage and stepped into my car, backed down the driveway, and dilly-dallied my way to the highway. If I could just push it out a little longer, that would be a few minutes I wouldn’t have to deal with it.

I pulled the car over in an empty spot in front of my grandmother’s house, took the scissors out of my backpack, and snipped three of the overgrown sunflowers from her garden. Without a look back I placed them lovingly on the passenger seat, and drove off again.

When I finally arrived at my destination I sat in the car, procrastinating. I could do this. With slow steps I rounded the car and took the sunflowers gently in my hands, cradling their happy yellow heads like children.

I walked onto the sodden grass and moisture leaked into my shoes. It was chilly. Ignoring the dampness I kneeled by the tombstone and gently laid the flowers on top.

Grandma loved sunflowers. Said they brightened up the day. Maybe she will see them from Heaven and they will make her smile?