So let me lay it out for you guys. I have a crush on the barista from my Starbucks. Her name is Miranda, and I thought she had left until today when I went in and there she was, pumping syrup with the best of them. But she makes me very nervous and no matter how much I want to look at her and tell her I want to take her to the movies and stuff, I freeze up.

How do you talk to romantic interests? Especially ones who's job it is to be nice and make you sugary drinks and stuff? Because I cannot ask her out for coffee since she's working in a coffee shop? And then it's just awkward.

BUT GOD SHE'S CUTE. She's chubby like me and she shaved her hair and I want to tell her she's pretty and stuff, and even if she doesn't identify as female or something I can roll with that. I'm good, I'm pansexual and I can do whatever, man. But I get so nervous I stammer and stare and I bet she thinks I'm so weird and kinda a loser who buys coffee way too much for too much money.

I should rope her in with my employee discount. Like, "Hello, I see you have a plus size body. I work in a store that clothes those. Please come date me for a time and I will buy you a sandwich and maybe let you use my discount? Also, we can hold hands if you want."

But NOOOO, if I say that in real like I'd be 'weird'. It's been nearly 5 years since my last relationship, and I really just want to hang out with someone special. Like, the last couple I was with was mean and made fun of me and I deserve something nice! I deserve to go out and flirt and stuff, I just start feeling like everyone's looking at me when I do.

In recovery news, I've switched my medication time to the morning rather than the night. This means I forget my medication all the time, and I have just realized I didn't take it today. Oops. I feel better, but still don't sleep at night. I wonder if it's the medication, or my garbage cat who wakes me up all the time. Most likely both.