It's been four months since I last posted here, and what a shame that is! So much has happened, and it's just so much to talk about! I'm going to try, though, because I want to remember all of this!

At the end of July my fake brother Caleb and I decided we wanted to go to the beach. The only problem was we didn't have any money for a hotel, and we did NOT want to only stay for a couple hours. We ended up leaving around 2 or 3 and getting there around 4 or 5. We hung out on the beach, went to the aquarium and stuff. We got to see Mako sharks and penguins, and I got to see seals!!! We drove back at like 12 or 2 am, and parked in a rest stop and slept there. We did have a fight, which he and I barely remember. Sometimes it bothers me that we can't go things without something going wrong, but when I look at how we were both raised it makes sense. We made it back home and passed out for the whole next day!

In August Caleb and I went camping for a week, an excellent get away from the rest of the house. I grew up in a pretty abusive household, which is part of the reason I struggle with so many things emotionally. Unfortunately Caleb and I can't get out of our current situation so easily, so every little bit helps. It was fun, even if it did rain some of the days! We even drove off the camping site that we normally wouldn't to go swimming, and even without bathingsuits it was fun. I love camping, and I really feel like it's turning into a yearly thing. I can't wait for next year!

Also in August I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I am going to go in for surgery in January for my weight. I have thought a lot about this, considering I am pretty happy with how I look and feel in my body. It has taken me years to get where I am in terms of loving myself and having self confidence, but it's still something i need to address.
I know i could be 350 lbs and be happy and healthy. Unfortunately I am not, and I need to address that. So I am having the gastric sleeve surgery done.

Currently I have to go for more testing, a gallbladder ultrasound and some fancy radioactive drink stuff. Next month I have to get a tube put down my throat so they can take pictures of my stomach. I've never done this much prep for a surgery before. I'm scared, but excited.

Caleb is really supportive with it, and I'm looking at it as the final step before we move out. I have gained my weight all my life, and by undergoing this surgery I am preforming the ultimate self care. I can move forward and love myself even more, and take care of myself all over again. I can relearn my body, and appreciate it.