So I haven't really posted about this anywhere and definitely not on social media.

When i was 9, I was diagnosed with ADD (at the time it was ADD and ADHD, now both are one in the same). I was on medication for a bit and then was taken off for some reason. Who honestly knows with my mom. She was narcissistic and her motives were often self-centered. I never got an answer from her on why.

So I spent most of my life dealing with it. This meant dropping out of college because in part, the inability to focus, depression and bad grades. So I don't have a college degree. I ended up working customer service jobs.

Somehow I held a manager position for a long time. But it was rough dealing with it. I'd get easily distracted and had to have people pick up my slack. I probably didn't get fired because I was always there to help people and was dependable. (Sometimes a little late, sometimes really early, sometimes early on my days off, when I wrote the schedule) I couldn't stay focused or motivated. I was under a lot of stress and the problems I was facing mentally were only adding to the amount of stress I was having in that job. So I left once I had that opportunity.

I have a part-time job doing what I love working from home and it at least is enough to get by on with a little extra.

Whoo hoo follow my dreams. Do the things I've always wanted. I have the time now!

But now I don't have that same structure or security net, where I know somehow we'll get it done. It's all on me now. I've been struggling since I left finding a pace. Everything is getting worked on, a tiny thing here a little thing over there, this project got attention for 5 minutes, I drew a thing. Meanwhile I wrote a textwall on a facebook comment reply that will get ignored and I'll get 30 strange men (bots) sending friend requests.

Some days, I can get all my tasks done quickly. But Normally it results in me doing the work that needs to be done first quickly and then doing whatever I'm super-focused on. My attention skips a lot and I have trouble finishing tasks or following any prioritized list I make for myself. I eat more protein so I can focus but still get distracted. I can't keep my space clean. That artist table I bought 6 months ago is still sitting in the box in the space that I meant to put it. I sure hope it's not busted because I can't return it now.

I love that I'm super-creative (What's this box I think outside of?) and I love that I get really great ideas (sometimes they come too fast and my head feels like a pinball machine... all night and I can't sleep despite braindumping before bed), or that I'm resilient and don't give up easily (I just tend to bounce around a lot but I'll come back later)

But right now, it's either I do something about this or go back to low-pay high-stress jobs that will probably be replaced within the next 10-15 years.

I think I want to see someone about getting assessed for Adult ADHD. Even though I was diagnosed with it as a kid, I probably need to get checked to see if it still applies. Anyone ever go through this process?