dear sprite,

i love you. i really do. i know you don't have a job and you just moved into my really old friend's house with her boyfriend, who i've slept with. i know that can become akward.

it won't. he and i have talked about it, and his girl had no problem with it because she was gone to montana and they were just starting to "court" if you will. i have no feelings for this boy, not will i ever. i feel a spark every time i see him, yes, but that means nothing.

you are soooo important to me, sprite. you're the closest human i've ever been to and we've never even seen eachothers unmentionables. well, boobs don't count ;)

you can ask christopher(which i posted here already), that i can get clingy. i do, i know it. you always tell me it's nothing, it's okay, it's fine baby. and i believe it. you make me want to get out of this hell hole and fucking LIVE. and that's a hard thing to do. i've only known you for a collective 8 months, because as soon as i got close you got ripped away to loius-whatsitsfuck. when you got back in june, i felt like.. i don't even know. i kept telling you how much you mean to me, and i know i got annoying with it, and i eventually stopped because you kept showing up at my place in the cracko morning time, just to be with me.

and now... i feel like you're going away again, even if you only live now about a mile away.. you'll start drinking heavily again, and smoking again(which hell, i toke, so that isn't a problem).


but sweety, when i bust my ass to do ALL of my chores, and take a shower because i was grody, to have you pick me up within the hour LIKE YOU SAID...

i EXPECT YOU


to PICK ME UP.


i sat, calling and calling, txting and txting, no answer. later i found out your phone was dead. okay, fine.

the girl you live with has my number.

lennon boy has my number.

when you finally call, you know i'm upset but you don't know why. and me, being the idiot i am, says it's nothing.

you say "and..?"

i say.. i'm disappointed. and depressed that i was let down.


you try to get more out of me, but you don't deserve it just yet.


when you lost your phone number because you had to get a new phone, i couldn't contact you. i was talking to chris online and i had the strongest feeling of motherly protection i've ever had in my life. all because i couldn't call you, i knew noone who would have your number... i just freaked.

then you called me, assurede me that everything was fine, you were at oyp and you could pick me up a bit later. i told you i'd get my shit together. you called after i got my shit done and said you were going to the liquor store. i told you to keep me in mind, because you know i love vodka so.

after that? nothing.





nothing.





nothing.



finally, at 1:30 in the morning, HOURS and HOURS after the last phone call assuring me you'll come and get me, you call.


you say you're busy. oh, but what's wrong, tati? i'm busy but i want to take care of you. and, tati? and...?

what were you busy for, sprite?

oh, you were trying to get POT.

you couldn't come and pick me up but you sure as hell could get on the phone and CALL EVERYONE YOU KNOW FOR FUCKING MARIJUANA.




that's FUCKED, man. FUCKED.



I UNDERSTAND, i REALLY do. i've been there. tulsa is DRY. it won't be coming in for months now.

i'm here, all the time.


all the time.

i would give anything to see you, each and every time i do.
because we can make our own drug between eachother, you see. you know this.




so NEXT TIME, which will be TODAY...



CALL ME.


INFORM ME.


PICK ME UP.


with love and stars in my eyes,
katya.