Hey Ava. Sorry to hear you had to go through that. I agree when you say that some people are too liberal with their definition of rape and that it diminishes the severity of when actual sexual abuse occurs.

By law (in the US), consent is based upon the "terms and conditions" of the act, which is why it's rape if you lie about using a condom and etc. In this case, consenting to unprotected sex did not automatically imply consent to pulling out (or otherwise), and while the efficacy of pulling out as a method of birth control is dubious at best, it's still something that would have affected whether or not the woman agreed to sex in the first place, so I think it can be classified as rape. Additionally, you can be actively having sex and then withdraw consent during the act.

IDK all the details of what happened, but yeah... I might be disagreeing with you.

Totally agree on the rest though... regretting the sex != rape.

Our society really needs to address implied consent and make formal rules for that shit because let's be real, if I met some dude at a club and agreed to go up to his room, that's pretty much consenting to something. It sucks that people feel like they've been coerced or pressured into giving consent when they didn't really want to, but jfc we need to give women the credit and agency to own up to their own failure to say "no."

On a related note:
Real victim shaming like what you went through, is abhorrent. But I can't help but shake my head when someone gets trashed at a party all alone and without trusted friends to look after them.

That's just my 2c. A lot of people will disagree but whatever, I just want a world where people can be safe from sexual violence.