Idiosyncratic
Dead Account Holder
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01-20-2009, 07:31 PM
So, one of my best friends, just broke to me the news that his mother has severe lung cancer. Doctors tell her it's to progressed for them to operate with any success. All signs point to her eventual demise.
I've never had to deal with anything like this within my own family, or anyone else's before, so i'm not sure how to react. How to help him through this terrible time.
I've already promised him my unwavering support, and that i'll be there if he needs me in any way, but i'm not sure what else should be done.
Does anyone have any advice, as to what to say and how to best help the situation?
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CherryKitty
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01-20-2009, 08:03 PM
A mother is a very severe loss in most cases and yes it happens, but I'm terribly sorry to hear that. You know, it's really best to let them know that it's better she doesn't suffer you know? I mean things like this are very hard to talk about but make sure you spend time with your friend and show support and affection towards them. Make sure they know you care about them as well and give them their space when asked. Everyone come's and goes, and when things like cancer take affect, it happens too soon for them to realize it. I have a grandmother and an uncle (my uncle was her son) and first my grandmother had cancer. They tried to help her but it put her into worse conditions and she lost her memory on how to speak. We couldn't believe it, but we always made sure we visited her and made her feel at home as long as we could. After she passed away the same thing happened to my uncle, the same year in fact. It was hard to handle, but it was a time to show you loved them and try to act as if YOU were the parent. See where i'm getting with this? Just make sure you show lots of love and care and try to be free when they need you. You also have to remember that it's okay if you tell them they can vent to you because listening can be a big help in this situation. It's hard for them so try and take some weight off their shoulders.
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Idiosyncratic
Dead Account Holder
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01-21-2009, 04:02 PM
Thank you Cherry..I found that quite interesting, and I see what you mean. I'm sorry to hear of your grandmother & uncle too.
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Guivre
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01-21-2009, 04:27 PM
When it finally happens, it might be a very confusing time, as well as just being sad. People don't always react to death as you'd think. If he has brothers and sisters who are older, there might be a lot of arguments about things, and blame spread about treatments that were taken or not taken, and anything else that they can think of during grief for someone taken too soon.
It really is a lot different than when an older person dies. You get some of that kind of attitude, but people just generally freak out, whether it's in a quiet way or a more visible way.
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CherryKitty
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01-21-2009, 05:28 PM
Dont worry about it : ) i love helping people <3
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Yeah
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01-21-2009, 06:49 PM
The best you can really do is just listen to him and give him a shoulder to cry on. If he needs help doing things you might help there but, just listening and being there is the best thing you can do for him.
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Pixie88
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01-21-2009, 11:29 PM
That's all you can do for him.. be there when he needs you. Because losing a mother is definately losing a part of you. And having him know that there are people there who care for him will help him get through it. He will definately have hard times especially if she does die, keep a close eye on him but do not over-crowd him.
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emeraldeye
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01-22-2009, 12:31 AM
The best thing you can do is offer to be there for her to talk to or have a shoulder to cry on or whatever else she may need. DO NOT fuss over her her or go on and on about how sorry you are. That will just piss her off and drive a wedge between you and her (unless she's one of those annoying people who crave attention). Your sympathy and devotion will show by your steadfastness and friendship, not by any declaration of sympathy or fuss (well apart from the innitial 'i'm sorry' but dont go further than that is what I mean)
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Midnight Minx
Dead Account Holder
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01-23-2009, 08:54 PM
These kind of things are very hard to help out with. Family deaths are the worst. Most people shrug off death, until in comes into there reach and they feel the pain and suffering of a loved one. Your friend, must be going threw a hard time, and since you do not have first hand experience in the subject of a loved one dying, you feel like there is nothing you can do for them I suppose, right? In this case, the only thing you can do, is act normal around them, take there mind of the situation. When your friend would like to talk about the situation, speak with them. If they are not bringing it up, you do the same. Acting like nothing is wrong is the key to getting threw these kinds of situation. Your friend may feel guilt, don't let them. Encourage them there is nothing they can do to help, and that they did the best they could.
I, myself, and not good in these situations, but I hope my advice helped at least a bit.
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nummykiwi
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01-25-2009, 09:58 PM
sometimes all you can do is offer a sholder to cry on.
believe me, friends who care can make a huge differance on how you feel regarding a situation.
hope I helped!
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Crazy_Gypsy
(っ◕‿◕)&...
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01-25-2009, 11:19 PM
Right now you just need to be there for your friend no matter what. I can promise you they may go through a mood faze and some may not but just cause they said she was dieing it doesnt mean tomorrow or a month. She could be strong and last a year after being told.
Doctors cant honestly predict the death but they can try and point you at a number so you understand whats coming.
I know from expierence my dad was told he had a liver disease. he made it 2-3 years after it. There was good days and great days and days that he was just really sick. There were times we thougth we would loose him and he fought through it.
It was rough.
He ended up dieing from them doing a test on his heart and pumped dye into him and the kidneys rejected it and collasped and 2 days later he passed away at home.
It was alot of different things that can happen and depending on your friends mother she could last a long time. She just has to be strong and have the will to live cus when your told there isnt much to do it takes you down.
My dad thougth he would get on a liver transplant list but my brother messed that up by changing his appt date and didnt let us know they called and when we got up there since we missed the date they said they cant play games and he wouldnt be put on the list and his chances for living wasnt good. My dads hopes went down and he turned to the worst pretty bad. He had a will to live at first nowing he had a chance but when you know you have none its hard to stay happy and have faith.
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