A little bit of background.

My mother comes from a family of 7 from China, and she came to the US when she was 18 and struggled by herself, eventually earning a full-tuition scholarship for college.

I'm your average Chinese girl, decent at academics, good at picking things up, does 3 instruments, about 5 sports, and lazy - but just enough lazyness, I got straight A's last semester. I'm an incoming junior in highschool. Not really motivated, but if I have to I'll do my best.

You see, my mom keeps telling me that I'm failing. She keeps telling me that I won't get into med school, and how she's going to have to put me into UOP (private university) so I can have a second chance, a fresh start. She keeps telling me that I'm lazy, unmotivated, and still dreaming. Apparently I'm not mature, and because my friends are at the top of the school, I should be there too. She criticizes me when I watch movies, saying how my friends don't (they do, she won't listen to me).

She sometimes even goes as far as to criticize me in front of my friends.

I'm really really annoyed. I'm NOT stupid. I may be a lazy ass, but I am NOT stupid, I swear I'm not. My grades were bad in the beginning because I didn't put effort into them, it was something like a small depression thing that all teenagers go through.

I'm NOT going to fail, and I hate how she makes it seem like i won't get anywhere in life when I haven't even gotten a chance to do something. She keeps saying how I won't ever get into a UC system becuase my SAT scores are too low and my GPA is rock bottom. My practice SAT scores range from 1980 to 2020, and my GPA is 3.7something. She says I'm not mature enough to handle living alone - maybe I'm not, but I'm the type of person that will change to accomodate the situation. If she just gave me a chance to live by myself, I'll struggle for maybe a month then figure it out and deal.

What can I do to tell her to stop?
I've tried telling her to give me a chance to SHOW her I can succeed, but she just keeps criticizing me.
Naturally, my self-esteem is pretty low, and I feel like crawling into a hole and just sleeping. Since I'm not going to get anywhere in life, why try?

/end HUGE wall of text

Ah, Asian parents. They can be a handful at times. >.<

This sounds like a nasty situation - your mother sounds very traditional, whereas you've gorwn up in the US where things are done differently.
I may be a little biased, as my own mother died when I was 15, but try to be patient with her. :)
She really only wants what's best for you, and the only way she knows how to treat you is the way that she was treated growing up.
Maybe you could try to explain to her the differences between Asian and American cultures? And definitely tell her that her criticism doesn't make you want to imrove, it makes you feel like you can't do anything right.

Remeber though, that it's difficult to change your ways.
I still feel like a stranger in England and I've been here nearly five years.

Good luck. :)

True, Asian parents they can be a handful.

You're mother sounds like mine, except for the whole medical school.

I agree with what Harmonius said about her wanting the best and trying to explain to her the differences. It took a few years but I finally was able to explain it to my mom, with the help of my father, that the culture differences area large leap and that she may expect me to be one way but culturally I'm not expected to pass at such high standards.

I ended up finding out all in all my mother was just worrying about me so much she didn't know how to handle it. So be patient and try to talk with your mom about it, if you can, also try and get her involved. It might not work with your mom but it really put my mom off from pushing me so hard when she tried to help with my course work.

Good luck to you.

haha... Asian parents have high expectations, what do you expect? It's okay, I went through the same thing. Make a bet with your mom on something(new car, money, etc.) for getting into a UC. I mean you might as well get something out of all this, right?:drool:

Thanks guys, for all the help.
:3

I guess she does want the best for me, so I'll just keep quiet and bear the rants.

@Citron: Ahahah, she wouldn't do that with me. ;^; She's not fun-loving enough.
xD

@Harmonius: I'm sorry for your loss. ._.
-hugs-

I've tried explaining the cultural differences, but she didn't listen.
._.

Best bet now is to just stay quiet and eventually prove her wrong. :3

My mom does the same thing, and i think it's her way of trying to get me motivated, and she doesn't know that it hurts me. Also, i probably put in half the work you do, because i have no dreams really for my future. Which, of course, gets my mom really pissed. I tried talking to her about it, but it ended up in her yelling and me crying, so i don't think it's the best way to go. I don't exactly live with my mom anymore, i live with my older and younger sister. But she still comes over often and talks to me about my grades.

I know this is the worst advice ever, but ignore her. If you think you're succeeding and doing fine, then hell you are. You cant let your mom say if your being whatever, only you can. When you go to college and earn a lot of money, she'll be really proud of you.

Like i said before, i really think it's just your mom's way of motivating you. She doesn't want you to have a rough life like she did.

Originally Posted by L i x i e

I'm your average Chinese girl, decent at academics, good at picking things up, does 3 instruments, about 5 sports, and lazy - but just enough lazyness, I got straight A's last semester. I'm an incoming junior in highschool. Not really motivated, but if I have to I'll do my best.

I'd love to be you ^-^

Little Miss: When you say it that way, I think I understand my mom a little bit more.
She has had a really hard life...
Thank you for your advice! ^^
I guess the best way really is to just ignore her, because now I have some idea as to why she's doing it.

@Luna: :hugs: Haha, what the heck, I'd love to be YOU.
...but that just gave me a huge morale and self-esteem booster.
xD <333
Thank you!

Haha (: Hell, I'd love to be Chinese.
<3

Girl, keep that spark you've got, because that's what'll drive you to prove her wrong.

Seriously, my mum did EXACTLY the same to me (I'm british, but she was army born and raised) And even now she berates me on how I'll never do anything and how I'm wasting my skills and intelligence on stupid things like games, movies and other things that I enjoy.

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm not the dullest either- now I know she was trying to look out for me and give me the kick in the teeth needed to prove her wrong , but because of what she did (and how constant it was) I started to believe her, that I was stupid and lazy and good for nothing, but that's because I don't have that spark that you have. I mean hell- you just said you got all A's right? How does that make you stupid?

Damn, if you aren't smart then you're definatly a hard worker, and dedication goes further than talent and smarts most times out of ten.

Buut anyway, no, you aren't stupid, you will get to UC and I also wish I was you. Just grin and bear it for now- soon you'll be in UC. :heart:

Yeah, i wish I had good grade. Mine are pretty good though. A- and B+, oh, and a B in spanish but that's just because my teacher is totally crazy (and not crazy like me, bad crazy)

@ Winter: My advice helps a little? *is proud* Well, as long as i helped someone in my day (i was being a lazy but pretty much this whole afternoon)

Hey don't worry everybody's mother or father has done it , they just wants whats best for them. And I agree with Little Miss she just might be trying to get you motivated so you can go to UC and med school so you can have a good career, mines try it on both me and my sister, but we just look at her and let it go we only know she trying to motivate us. Also maybe (if you have done this already and hasn't work talk to you dad, he may just be able to help.) talk to you mom and explain how things are different in America than it is in Japan. and if that doesn't work talk to your dad see if he is supportive and proud of you all you need is one person your family to show you how proud they are of you to help your self esteem.

Thats the best advice i could give you. Good luck!!!
... I would love to be as smart as you are! strait A's on my report cards would have made my parent super happy when i was in high school.

Asian parents. They do have high expectations and strict rules, and etc. I can understand why--and this may not be any help but why your mom is criticizing you and everything, it's because she's just Asian. Asian parents, like I said above. I'm Asian too, and if I get like a 99% on a test, my parents are like, "OMG WHY DIDN'T YOU GET 100?!" Then they get mad with me : 3.

As a gal with a Jewish mother, I can totally sympathize. Just learn to tune it out. Some moms are preprogrammed to bitch at you about everything from your grades to the length of your hair, and there's nothing you can do about it. My mum is still pissed that I skipped out on med school to be a starving poet, but I'm happy with myself. As long as you're happy with who you are and what you do, don't ever let anyone get you down, especially your mom.

Thanks guys, for all the advice.
>w< <3

I've figured out what I should do now.
:]