Okay, in my other threads you have heard me talk about a guy where he was my first kiss and blah blah blah. Well this guy is not him.

This is a new guy. He is 22 and his name is Ben.
I am posting this thread cause I have a horrible problem.

I am 17 and I must have horrible self esteem along with a great taste in guys. I feel that the only way to keep a guy interested is by doing something sexual. Blame Adam (first kiss blah blah blah guy). I met Ben back in April of 2009. He is best friends with my best friend Gary (also 22). I love Gary too but nothing can become of us cause he is not interested. okay so,

One night I was sitting at home, watching TV when a CiCis pizza commercial comes on and advertises 3.99 all you can eat pizza and I was like "Hell Yeah!" so I called gary and asked if he wanted to go eat. He said "Hell Yeah!" He invited his two friends Ben and Dan. (Dan is 22 also lol) We pile into the car. Gary driving ben in passenger seat and Dan in the back with me. We get to CiCis and get to a booth. Ben sits next to me =D
I was so nervous cause he is just positively gorgeous. Everyone joked around and had a good time and laughed and it went great.

Then, We were back in the car, Sitting in the parking lot cause nobody knew what to do next. This time ben was in the back with me. Dan and Gary whip out thier phones and start watchinig porn. xD it was hilarious. B an and I were talking quietly in the back. about me not wanting to take a sip of his drink. (he had the cup sitting between his legs lol). Ben starts feeling up my leg. I swat his hand away and smile at him suductively. He tries again I do the same. We start driving to bens house to chill and watch some tv. Ben leans on my shoulder and holds my hand...I start playing with his hair. We stayed like that for the 15 minute drive to his house. We get there and, dont judge, but dan and gary got high... and i was sitting on the floor next to where ben was sitting in his chair. So I start playing with his ankle. He is fine with this...so i start moving up...eventually, (my arm in the most akward position) I ended up giving him a handjob! I have never even kissed him. It was hilarious hearing him trying to hold a converstaion with the other two guys lol his breath was all choppy xD. Anyways, nobody else in the room knew. And the next night we were talking, (texting) until 6am. I got nude pics. xD it was amazing.

Only thing is....I need to know how to keep in intersested without getting clingy seeming.

Well the thing is, I'm sure you could probably continue on the same type of pattern as far as you keeping his 'interest.' Guys like sexual stimulation, it's not a secret, and he'll probably be back for more.

But the thing I'm concerned about is, are you looking at this type of relationship as a possible "dating" type of thing or just as a "fling?"

If this is someone that you may want to possibly date and be romantically involved in, you have to show him that you also have a set of boundaries for yourself and that he needs to respect them. Dating someone apart from just having a quick fling with them is different in the sense that you have to show that person you're more than a cuddle-buddy and a quick handjob.

1. Amazing Batman!

2. I am interested in a relationship but, he says he does not do well with relationships. Gary says he has low self esteem and he has never seen Ben act the way he did in the car. You know, leaning on me and holding my hand lol.

Act confident. Men don't use women sexually who value themselves.

I always had trouble valuing myself and men always told me (eventually) that they had no respect for me.

Don't be afraid to have boundaries or demands.

He likes your hand job, well, great . . . if he ever wants anymore, then he better prove to you that he's worthy of receiving them from you by respecting your boundaries and wants.

Guys love to have to earn a girl. They love sex to, but the only kind of girl that they have sexual relations with and respect are the ones who think they are special and won't let them use them.

So just keep that in mind and if he's insecure, then just be kind to him and listen to his insecurities when he needs to talk about them.

...I just have to say, I lol'd at the CiCi's thing
"I was like.. Hell yeah! and he was like.. hell yeah!"

...it's hilarious because when I see the CiCi commercial, I have the same reaction :XD
HELL YEAH!!!

*ahem* anyway... I wish I could offer some advice, but I've only had one dude in my life so I don't really have enough experience to help you :( And I would strongly advice being AGAINST the sexual thing to keep him interested, but I would be a hypocrite because my relationship started out purely sexual.

I'm so not good with relationship advice ><;

um.. this worries me, relationships should start with trust and then lead to sex like things. if the sex is first then theres no trust...or one of you migh get emotionaly attached while the other thinks its just freinds with benifits...Im not saying you would do this but this is something thats just started, your not in a reationship yet. You can chose where it goes though and I definetly think you should set some boundaries for yourself and for him so as to not do anything youd regret later.

Also- did you get your issue resolved from your earlier thread?

I have to agree with what's been said already: boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. The two key ingredients to any healthy relationship are good communication and firm boundaries. Otherwise, you end up playing guessing games and walking all over each other. Already I can see there is not good communication and very flimsy boundaries at best. I think it's best to talk with him and make it very clear what your expectations are, and then find out what his expectations are; otherwise, you run the risk of someone getting emotionally attached and/or someone getting their heart broken (like blankgirl said). If you want him to respect you, you need to let him know you want his respect. No one's a mind reader, and after the incident with the handjob and the text message conversation that ended with nude pictures, he might be very confused about what sort of relationship the two of your are going for. Just be clear with him, and let him know that you expect him to be clear with you as well.

And, though I hope it needn't be said, if you continue on in a sexual way with him, especially because you haven't known him for very long, please be safe and protect yourself: condoms are your friend. :)

ETA Also, I noticed you're 17 and he's 22 -- I'm not sure what state you live in or what the laws are there about statutory rape, but also make sure you're (both of you) aware of what repercussions there might be should things get serious and other consequences come up.

Earlier issue resloved by....Not caring what he thinks. xD

In addition....I live in Florida. Law is 5 years difference is legal. But nothing more.

Sexual intercourse in which one partner is an adult and the other a minor is legally referred to as statutory rape. In the case of one Florida sexual offense law, an adult is defined as someone aged 24 or older. A minor is defined as anyone under the age of 18.

• Florida Statute Title XLVI Crimes Chapter 794 Sexual Battery 794.05 - Unlawful sexual activity with certain minors. This law makes it a felony for anyone 24 years of age or older to have sex with a 16 or 17 year old. Ignorance of age cannot be raised as a defense for this crime.

QUESTION: Does this mean that anyone between the age of 18 and 24 can have sex with minors under the age of 18?

ANSWER: No, it does not.

• Florida Statute Title XLVI Crimes Chapter 800 Lewdness; Indecent Exposure - 800.04 Lewd or Lascivious offenses committed upon or in the presence of persons less than 16 years of age: This law makes it a felony of the second degree for "A person" 18 or older, to engage in sexual activity with a person 12 years of age or older, but less than 16 years of age.
• Florida Statute Title XLVI Crimes Chapter 827 Abuse of Children 827.04 Contributing to the delinquency or dependency of a child; states that a person 21 years of age or older who impregnates a child under 16 years of age commits an act of child abuse which constitutes a felony of the third degree.

*http://ezinearticles.com/?florida-statutory-rape-laws---ignorance-of-age-is-not-a-legal-defense&id=1043248

Sammie babe,
From what you tell me every day at school,
Ben is a great guy.
I think you should just show him your intelectual side aswell as sexual.
This way he can know both, the you that i love,
and the you he likes.
If you keep it plain sexual,
itll never go past that,
and it can be a harsh ending.
Trust me i know from damn experience.
Love you girleyy(:

Nothing turns a guy off more than a girl who doesn't have enough faith in herself. Make sure he likes you for you, and not sex. That's a huge error in relationships. You should have higher self-esteem; you're gorgeous. If you're happy with this guy, then by all means, go for it! Just make sure you aren't being used for sex.

Thanks Rachael ^.^ I love you to =)

No problemo toots(:
haha, i made a new account.

Lmao nice.

**Conflict resolved**


Feel free to post opinions though =)

My oppinion? ok... I love you so much x 20000000, and you deserve better that that(:

Thank you ^.^

I went ahead and closed this since you said it was resolved. :yes: