So I know a lot of people who view pornography on a regular basis. I have no problem with this. I'd be lying if I said that I've never seen porn before myself. It's just a thing. However, my current girlfriend doesn't agree with watching porn in relationships, so I'd never view it while dating her, because I agree with her views:

If your partner is uncomfortable with you seeing other naked people in media for the sheer purpose of seeing the naked people, then you shouldn't do it. If you do, it's no better than cheating, I think. I think that if your partner is comfortable with it, then everything's good. Maybe your partner will even watch it with you. But, if not, then you should back off.

What do you think, Menewsha?

First, I think that you should discuss the issue with your partner, and come to an agreement with them. If you can't agree, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

Personally, I don't think watching porn is cheating. I think it can definitely create some very unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and women (and sometimes men), but it's not like you can do anything with those people. So you see them naked, big deal. Everyone is born naked. It's likely that at some point in your life (or perhaps several), a complete stranger has seen you naked.

Heh. Of course, you're the first to reply here, Keyori. Everytime I post anything in the Debate forums, you always post right after and disagree with me. It's pretty funny. But this is exactly why I created this thread. I want to know what people think. :) Thank you for your honesty.

I would have to agree with Key. If you're in a relationship, you should have already worked out the specifics of what constitutes cheating and what does not. If your definitions do not match, and it's not worth it to you to compromise or give in, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

For me, personally, I'd never consider pornography cheating. I just find it silly and by and large very objectifying, and as personal politics are important to me when choosing a partner or partners, I would not get involved with someone who was too into it, or into specific...eh, "problematic", I suppose you could say, genres. There are things more important than fidelity in a relationship.

I don't think porn is a big deal. I accidently saw my ex's stash when we were together and he thought I would freak. People are naturally curious and into sex. If he wants to watch it then thats cool. Just don't expect me to join him or do half the stuff those chicks do in the video.

I think it's kinda silly how serious people get about it.

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. :) Do not misunderstand, I'm very happy with my girlfriend and not COMPLAINING in the slightest that she has a problem with porn. I just want to know what people think. I have an inquisitive mind, I suppose you could say.

I think you hit the nail on the head. You shouldn't do things that hurt your partner when you're in a relationship. If something sexual is a must for you, then you should only date those who are into the same things.

I think porn is just an extension of people's natural tendency to fantasize. I mean, no one can say they don't have sexual thoughts. I think if you're a reasonable person, pornography won't be a problem. If you're just watching some porn on your computer so you can have some 'alone time,' that's not an escape, or an alternative to your significant other. I mean, unless it's become a replacement for something, or you're picturing it, or need it, it's not in the way of anything in your relationship, and it's probably helping someone relieve tension.

And I'm not sure if tension is a pun or not, but now that I've typed it and read it, I think it should be read as such. =P

First off, I totally agree with Keyori and Philomel, hands down.

However, I think it's also easy to miss another side to this. I think we're clear on the fact that there are those that feel that if one of the individuals in the relationship is viewing porn, then they're hurting their feelings (they feel the other is cheating and/or that they aren't enough for the partner viewing said porn), yet, to completely demand only one side in the relationship be taken is highly unfair. One partner is hurt/threatened by the act of the other viewing porn. The one viewing the porn is hurt/threatened by the one not. This goes right back to the point made earlier that the two individuals either shouldn't be in the relationship to start with or they need to seriously work on things to compromise. I find more people regard porn as distasteful and a proverbial "evil" in relationships (and in general) and must have their way about it being got rid of than they do thinking about how the other person feels and attempting a compromise. Just because one partner feels uncomfortable doesn't mean they should immediately get their way. The other individual should also have their say. If you love someone, then you should care about their needs and feelings just as much as your own.

As for viewing porn as a form of cheating, I absolutely have to disagree. There are too many people who'd argue that it's still a form of art, even in it's cheapest, most base form. (I'm not one to agree on this part, lol, but I'll acknowledge they have a right to argue it... and personally, I don't even bother with porn.) And I do admit that, to some degree, it does have artistic merit. Not really my cup of tea, but then I appreciate the occasional, tasteful nude art work and I know people who consider even THAT outright porn.

(Sorry if this is a bit disjointed tonight... shoulda just went to bed but couldn't help replying to this anyway, lol!)

:) Well said, Tasia. I'm not going to try to really argue with you, but I would like to show my feelings to a couple of your points. That's what the Debate forum is about, though. :)

If you love someone, then you should care about their needs and feelings just as much as your own.

This, I agree with 110%. I personally ALWAYS put my girlfriend BEFORE myself, but then again, that's just how I am. I agree with the compromise theory to an extent, but pornography is a really hard topic to find compromise to. Either you look at it or you don't. I suppose there could be conditions agreed to as a compromise as far as how long you look at porn or when, but there really doesn't seem to be a middle ground with this concept.

I appreciate the occasional, tasteful nude art work and I know people who consider even THAT outright porn.

This could be open for compromise between me and my girlfriend, I suppose, given that she is one of the people who regards this as porn and I am not, but I don't really care that much. I don't miss porn really, and there is beautiful artwork that I like to look at where everyone is fully clothed. :) So, it's all good in MY case. This would be the point where I would agree the most with the compromise theory.

I personally don't think that if your in a relationship with someone that you really need to go into watching pornography, not if you have a partner (be they male or female) who can quite easily satisfy any sexual desires you may have.

I do understand why some people watch it though, maybe to indulge in fetishes that they may have that your partner is not so hot on, but I don't think that you should watch this sort of thing in secrecy, or hide it from your partner. Whether they agree with watching it in a relationship or not there is no need to hide it from them.

I wouldn't go as far to say that it is the same as cheating though, because it is infact only looking, not touching.

But personally speaking I wouldn't really like my partner to watch pornography if he was in a serious relationship with me, I should be the only one that he needs ;P

Originally Posted by Autistic~Sparkle

I personally don't think that if your in a relationship with someone that you really need to go into watching pornography, not if you have a partner (be they male or female) who can quite easily satisfy any sexual desires you may have.

You're assuming that the sexual desires of the two people in the relationship always line up just right. In reality, this is rarely the case, especially when females are involved and periods interfere with sexual activity (which can be an issue if the girl or guy aren't hot on doin' anything while she's on the rag, and I've also met men who don't really care for blowjobs so that's not really a viable alternative for him, not to mention that there's little that some men will do for a woman on the rag).

This also doesn't work for couples who are in any sort of long-distance relationship, be they apart only for a week or even for a whole year.

Well, Keyori, here we go. Lol.

I think that any relationship so RELIANT on sexual pleasure that they NEED porn to be happy just because their sexual desires or interests don't line up perfectly is a failed relationship in and of itself and, if not, isn't really a relationship in the first place, which is where this becomes a moot point.

You have more of a point with the long-distance thing, but still, sexual dependency can become a problem and if you have so much sexual tension that you need porn to be happy, again, there's a problem with this picture I think.

I think by all rights, porn should be a pleasure. NOT a necessity. If you have a porn addiction, then you should try to get help. If you want it, of course.

Masturbation (hate that word) can be addictive but this is not the same as porn. Someone can masturbate to fantasies if they get THAT bad in need of instant sexual gratification. I have mixed feelings about masturbating while in a relationship as opposed to porn, but generally I can accept the idea much more.

It might seem like I got way off topic, but there is a line of thought there. It might just look a bit disjointed. It's there though. :)

I never said that anyone needed porn; I just said that sexual satisfaction doesn't always fall into place in such a harmonious way that both partners are always as satisfied as they want to be. And your counters to something I'm not arguing still don't address what I am actually arguing. I'm not talking about porn addiction, I'm not even talking about sexual interests or desires, I'm talking about satisfaction.

While I was away, I also remembered something else that Sparkle didn't consider: victims of sexual abuse (rape or otherwise). These people may not be able to satisfy their partners sexually, especially when their relationship with their partner is still young or if the abuse was recent. Abuse can very easily muck up an otherwise perfectly healthy relationship, and is likely to strain both of the people in the relationship.

So again, if you have a partner, that does not automatically mean that you and he/she are both sexually satisfied with only each other, and this satisfaction may very well not be attained "easily." Relationships are too diverse for all of them to be so simply categorized, and there is certainly a place for masturbation and/or pornography (or group sex or any number of sexual fetiishes) in many relationships. But to say that absolutely no one should need any of those things outside of their one and only partner is naive.

You contradict yourself, Keyori. :P

You say you weren't talking about needing porn, then in the very last sentence, you address that very thing.

I wasn't offering counters to irrelevant points. I'm simply tired and am having a hard time getting my message across the way I want.

Let's not forget the core issue for debate here: Is pornography permissible in a relationship where your partner ISN'T ohkay with it?

I certainly agree that there are many cases where pornography can offer an acceptable -even ideal- alternative to all other alternatives in a given situation. However, what if the partner ISN'T ohkay? What if there's a rape victim or even a paraplegic who can't sexually please their partner, but still doesn't want their partner looking at pornography because the thought of the partner seeking sexual pleasure in the viewing of other naked people really bothers that person? Should it be allowed then? I said in a much earlier post that I don't see how this point can be compromised well at all...it either is allowed or it isn't. If you can offer a way for it to be compromised, I'm all ears. I just don't see how it could be, and, if it can't, I don't see any reason why the partner should disrespect their partner's wishes and view porn anyway. It's an important subject to some people.

I didn't contradict myself--I wasn't talking about it in my original response to Sparkle. Whether or not I address it later (and I'm not denying that I did) in a response to you is irrelevant.


In any case, there are definitely ways to compromise in a relationship. It's not as cut and dry as "you look at it or you don't."

I'll use my own personal experience as an example.

When I first started dating Rune (my fiance), I was very upset at the notion that he looked at porn or masturbated. It had me distraught and we did fight about it on a couple of occasions. I too had the mentality that "I should be all that he ever needs." However, we talked through it, and I didn't want to be hypocritical, since I did both as well. So we laid down ground rules that both of us follow--basically, keep it out of sight and out of mind of the other partner. So if he wants to watch porn and rub one out to it, he's free to do so, provided I'm not around to walk in on him by accident. Likewise, if he's working late, I'm more than welcome to find something to look at and make myself happy with a toy. And, it works for us. I don't get upset about it, and if I'm having libido issues, he isn't suffering because I can't satisfy him. Likewise, if I'm having super-libido issues, I'm not suffering because he can't satisfy me. We can't always be there to please each other how we want to and when we want to, so for us, it works.

Of course, that's not the only way to compromise. You could compromise on what kind of porn you watch--if it's only fetish porn that your partner won't actually participate in, or if you're only limited to softcore porn, and so on. You could also set limits on when or how often--once a week, only on Wednesdays, once every July, only during a full moon, whatever.

However, I'll reiterate my first post: If you absolutely cannot come to any sort of agreement, then you probably should not be in a relationship with them.

I guess that makes sense, Keyori. I just think that, in most cases, such details won't come up in modern society as they did with you guys. Of course, I'm pessimistic at the moment. Most likely because I'm having separate issues with my girlfriend and because I'm tired. That's posted on another thread, however. We won't get into it here.

I think that you're right, though. Compromise can be achievable with this, though it's still pretty cut-and-dry. Compromise doesn't have to be about rules and regulations (I mentioned these in an earlier post). Your case is a more loving, healthy relationship than any of the examples that you or I gave, though. I just think it depends on the couple.

I STILL think, however, that an uncomfortable partner wins out. That's part of a relationship: give-and-take. Then again, for me, porn and masturbation are very minor. I've always been very innocent when it came to physicalities in relationships. I've never had sex. I've only even kissed one girl. It's just the way I am. Physical pleasure isn't that big of a deal to me, and this likely biases me quite a bit. I don't have a sex drive so I don't really understand the need for physical satisfaction.

Yeah, I'm with Keyori. Porn is in no way cheating. Both me and my boyfriend look at porn, seperatly and together. For us it's just a little extra something. We use porn for new positions we'd like to try... actually it was one porno that gave him the idea of me wearing heels during sex... ^.^ (yay porn)
I think physical satisfaction isn't the be-all-of-end-all, but if your relationship is serious, then it does matter. If you and your find out one can't satisfy the other, theres going to be a lot of masturbation, and possibly cheating, when one as a need for release.

If one of the partners is uncomfortable, well then the two need to sit down and find out why. Come to an understanding and a compromise, like Keyori and her fiance.

I see no problem with it, because it's nothing physical, it's just releasing you know.. Urges? lol.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, because, I don't know.. I just don't. lol
I've watched porn with my boyfriend before, and personally, I don't watch it on my own time. But I don't see an issue with it if I'm with him.

I understand why some people wouldn't like it though. I know someone who claimed she didn't cheat on her boyfriend because they didn't touch eachother, they just did things in front of eachother. That was just her opinion, but in mine, it was still wrong and a form a cheating.

As an artist I 'd have trouble to submitting to not viewing naked people anymore over a relationship.
But I don't think the type of nudity I'd be looking for is the kind in question.