Ok, so this may set a few people off, due to the subject, but here it is:

I am in a open relationship with my fiancee. I fully plan to marry her and I love her, in fact we are to be wed next spring. We have always been in an open relationship and it isn't one-sided, we have both had other lovers in the past. I currently am seeing two others, a man and a woman who both know of my fiancee and each other and are fine with it. We all agree that love is a wondrous thing, so why should it only be shared with one person?

Many people see this as a taboo, a no-touch subject, because the church tells us love can only be between two people and they must be a man and a woman. But they also say that love is the most pure thing in the world, that love is the highest form of faith. Why, if love is the ultimate purity, shouldn't it be shared with as many people as you can?

I also see intimacy as a beautiful thing. It is the sharing of emotion as well as flesh, as nature intends it to be. It is giving pleasure and release of worry, thought and pain. But it is sinful to share such a wonderful thing with anyone but the opposite sex and only if you are legally bound together. Why is that?

The reason I have brought this topic into existence was not to start a religious discussion. It is because of the pain and damnation that has been thrown at me. A woman I had been so close to, I called her a sister for the past five years, found out about my sharing of love. I did not keep it secret, she just never realized it I guess. I had talked about my lovers to her before, but I assume she must have thought they were in the past and my fiancee is the only one now.

She immediately assumed I was cheating on my fiancee. She did not even let me explain. She condemned me at once and has not spoken to me since. What hurts the most is I thought she knew me better than to be that dishonorable and I though I knew her better than to do this to someone.

Others have done the same. They think it is wrong and disgusting. They say we will go to hell and suffer for the disgrace. They say we should be ashamed, even though all we are doing is loving one another.

How do I try to get her, and others, to understand? How can I show them that love isn't something to be ashamed of?

Like I said, I do not want to start a huge discussion on religion, I just want someone to hear our pain and maybe have a voice to give advice.

Love and intimacy is a beautiful thing. A very beautiful thing, but I believe it should only be shared with one person (at a time anyway). It makes the love and intimacy stronger. You are devoting your all to that one person, all your love, physically, emotionally, sexually, what ever other "-ly" there is. I'm not going to say you're going to hell for it, I don't believe in a hell anyway so we can keep that religious aspect out. To me, love and intimacy should remain between the two people to show their devotion for eternity together.

But if it's what you and your fiancee believe in, and that you are completely comfortable with it all, you can basically tell anyone else to shove off. As long as you and your fiancee are happy, what else does it matter? I may not agree with it but I don't think any less of you because of it. Not that I know you well enough anyway but you know what I mean xD

Yes, I know what you mean, thank you. I can understand the thought behind most people wanting to share love with only one person, it does make it easier at times. The only problem with telling everyone else to "shove off" is that other people I care for greatly are taking part in the condemning. Am I just supposed to lose all those close friends just because they don't understand it?

You could try to sit them down and talk to them about it. More often than not, they may not ever understand, but they won't desert you for it. I've experienced similar things. Well, not myself, but with my older stepbrother Victor. He had a girlfriend named Becca, and Becca has a sister named Amber. Amber was dating Spencer. So they decided to swap girls for a night. Victor got Amber, and Spencer got Becca. I didn't approve of it, but it had no effect on me, so why should I condemn him for what he wanted to know? It's not harming anyone, especially not me, so I had no right to tell him what he can and cannot do. And you can tell them that. It's your life, and you and your fiancee are fine with it. They don't have to like it, but if they really are true friends of yours, they'll stick by you even after you explain it.

You have a good point. I just have to keep trying to explain it. If they are friends then they will at least try to look past it.

I think the reason a lot of people may look down on it is because of the way people think of sex. This is going to sound sexist, but it is a view many take on where I am from. If a man has sex with a lot of women, he's awesome, a total stud. But if a woman has sex with a lot of men, she is a whore and nothing more. While I think that no matter who you are, if you have a lot of sex but aren't SAFE about it, you're stupid. Some people just like having sex, with one or with many. I don't agree with it, but who am I to tell you how to live your life?

As long as you are being safe, there shouldn't be concern. The more sex you have with more people, the more risk of pregnancy and STD's, and that's never good. Make sure you are taking the necessary precautions. Condoms, birth control, whatever you need to make sure nothing you would regret happens.

I hate that stereotype.... sexism is just plain stupid and insulting for both genders. I fully agree though, if you are just "sleeping around" with no regards to physical or mental health of others or yourself, it is idiotic no matter your gender.

That is what confuses a lot of people, me saying this when I am sleeping with more than one partner. They oft times don't seem to be able to comprehend a relationship with more than one person being healthy. People assume that it is done recklessly and that the people involved are all "whores". Others I have talked to about this problem assume it has to do with the sex aspect of it, not the emotional. They assume I am having trouble with being in an open relationship rather than the reactions of others due to it.

So I just keep getting caught between those who don't understand, refuse to understand or those who think it is disgusting. I'm sure you can understand my frustration.

By the way I am not insinuating you are guilty of any of those.

As long as you and the people you are with are happy, it shouldn't concern anyone else. In all honesty, I doubt you go poking into other people's lives to see who they're with and what they do and what they believe in. If you can handle being with more than one woman at a time (I'm a woman myself with another woman, we can barely survive each other during our "monthly gift" XD ), go for it. Good luck to you, because, well we're women. We're emotional XD

You aren't harming anyone. I think I would look at this differently if your attitude on this was different. You're not going out with other people just to say you have. You're being with them because you want to, you look at it like a relationship, not just another person to add to a list of who you have had sex with. If your view at this was that way, I'd think of you in an entirely different view, because that would be harming others. You could get infected with an STD, and pass it on to other people.

I have to ask this though, and don't take it in offense as I do not mean it that way, but does your fiancee share your belief? Does she have other relationships? And what would you do if she asked you to stop, to be with her only?

I am in an open marriage and have been for the past 8 years. My husband comes first and I do let my other partners know this. He does not see anyone else but that is his choice. He is allowed to see who he wants and I am allowed to see who I want as long as we are honest with one another. I do not do one night stands and I do not just do it for the sex. I treat my girlfriend/boyfriend just as I would if I was not married. It's a loving relationship and they are long term if I do decide to have relations. A lot of people do not understand that and are either looking for a fling or are put off by the fact I'm married.

Personally, I do not feel the need to explain myself to anyone. It's my marriage and my husband is full aware of who I am with. It does not make you a slut to have an open marriage/relationship. Personally, I do not have more than one partner aside from my husband but that's just because it feels too crowded if I do. If it works in your relationship then I don't see what the big deal is as long as everyone knows about everyone else and no feelings are hurt. I also think that people need to really mind their own business when it comes to relationships and not force their opinions on others. What works for one relationship might not work for another.

Pweep- She does agree and she has had other relationships in the past. She currently has none but that is by her choice. If she asked me to stop, I would. As Mystic said it is with her husband, My fiancee comes first.

Mystic- I must admit I'm surprised and relieved to see another person with the same kind of beliefs as me. Thank you for your words.

No problem. I know how hard it can be when you tell someone you think you can trust and they go all crazy on you over it. Hopefully things get better for you. =)

Thank you, I hope so too.

Whatever makes you happy, as long as no one is being misled or hurt, I think is fine. I thought that I had it bad with facing crap for being gay, but I can't imagine the grief that you must get. I'm glad that you've found a situation, and a partner, that make you happy.

That said, have you tried getting your fiance to talk to your friend that won't talk to you? If she doesn't believe/refuses to talk to you about the situation, she might believe it coming from your fiance. I think she would probably be a lot more likely to accept it if she can see that both you and her are in the situation with open eyes.

There are polyamorous communities online, such as on livejournal and BDSM communities such as fetlife. (Kinky people seem to be poly a lot or vice versa but there are a lot of groups that only or mostly discuss the poly lifestyle if you're not into BDSM.) I would really recommend seeking those groups out (I guess it's okay to suggest that here?). Also, you might want to do some google searches about coming out with a poly lifestyle. There's a lot more poly people out there than you might think! And I like Mystic's take:

Originally Posted by Mystic

Personally, I do not feel the need to explain myself to anyone.

What you do with your life is of no one's concern but your own unless it inflicts harm upon them.

If your fiancee is okay with the open relationship, and you're okay with the relationship, then that's all that should matter.

Your sister will come around in time, hopefully.

Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind.