All my life I've been told that you should ignore the bullies.
But ignoring them never really helps, at least it never really helped me.
When I finally stood up to my tormentors, and punched one of them in the face after all the times they pushed me into the mud and kicked me...They stopped, because I was no longer that girl who was just going to cry. And being punched in the face really is no fun.

Now, I understand that sometimes ignoring a bully is the way to go, but I've found that if ignoring them doesn't stop them after the first week or so, it's not going to.

I also understand that the reason people can be bullies is because they are insecure, or even lonely. They might also just not know how to react to other people, or how to treat them.

Spoons
If you are the victim of physical (pushing, punching, kicking, ect) bullying, what should you do?
If you are the victim of mental bullying (name calling, ect) what should you do?
Is getting an adult or figure of authority the best option? And what if the "adult" refuses to do anything?
What about Cyber Bullying? Is that serious, or is it something that people are taking way too seriously? How should you handle a cyber bully?

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I've also seen and experienced someone getting an adult, leading to getting bullied even more...because you can't "Defend" yourself.
Because what does getting an adult really mean? That the bully is going to get a scolding, maybe? They might get in a little bit of trouble, but nothing severe enough to deter the behavior.

I also think that cyber bullying is serious. It sucks just as much as being thrown into a locker, or called fat by a really mean group of girls. It still hurts, even if you "ignore it." The only way to truly ignore it, is to not experience it at all, but you can't be deaf to certain people's words, and you can't just not see what certain people say.

The only way you could even hope to completely ignore them, and not be affected by it, is if you were very confident...unfortunately most people aren't all that confident because our society is made to make us feel bad about ourselves, and even if they are confident...if you're constantly hearing things like, "you're fat" and you might start to believe them.

If you are the victim of physical (pushing, punching, kicking, ect) bullying, what should you do?

I'm lucky enough to not have been in this situation, because bullies were intimidated by my large size, I'm little over average in height and weight and look like I can handle myself, so they were fine making fun but if i ever showed any sign of aggression (i'm quite passive so it usually has to be quite bad, or if someone actually touches me) they back down.
But, not everyone is built like me, and it's usually the smaller people that get picked on. Or the people that they KNOW wont do anything. I think that the only way to stop physical abuse properly is to get the police involved. And that way if it persists they will get in real trouble.

If you are the victim of mental bullying (name calling, ect) what should you do?

I always questioned "why are you saying that? what did I do to you?" usually in a full class so that when they had nothing to say to it (because they usually didn't) they'd look stupid. A lot of the time I'd laugh and say "I know that i shouldn't be laughing because your trying to be mean to me but I cant help it because it's just funny" and then they'd usually stop, or at least get less harsh.
This didn't work for everyone, because although I lacked self confidence I had the ability to put on a strong face when I needed to. But some people aren't that strong so I don't know what to say to those people, the only thing I could think of is thinking to yourself that everything they say is a lie, or is none of their business, or that they are hypocrites (e.g. fat bully calling you fat, just think to yourself "atleast i'm not as far as you") say what you wish you could say to their face in your head to yourself, and maybe one day you'll feel brave enough to say it.

Is getting an adult or figure of authority the best option? And what if the "adult" refuses to do anything?

It's not the best option, no. Usually a teacher or something will have "a word" with them and that will just make them angry. But I think telling parents is always the best thing to do, that way you don't have to suffer alone (unless you have sucky parents, in that case bullying at school is the least of your worries) and if you don't want them to tell the teachers then ask them not to, explain that it will make things worse. When I was picked on, I'd tell my Nan and she'd go to their parent's house and tell them, and said if they don't do anything about it she'll get the police involved, and if it was my Mum that went to see them, she'd threaten them "if your kid does anything to my kid again, I'll batter you!" that usually sorted things.
If an adult wont do anything, then go to a different adult.

What about Cyber Bullying? Is that serious, or is it something that people are taking way too seriously? How should you handle a cyber bully?

To be honest, I don't think it's that big a deal to the majority, because if it's on the internet, you could always block, or report them. It's not that hard.
The first message you get might be hurtful, and maybe they will try to find other ways, but if that's the case then go to the police and file a harassment charge (if they live near you) and if they don't live near you, then that means you should have no problem blocking them.

I was bullied a lot when I was younger, and ignoring or calling an adult never worked. Sometimes the adults were encouraging it or even doing the bullying. I have never been one to fight, though, for a couple of reasons. For one, I'm small. Chances are, if I take a swing at someone, he'll get me back much worse. Then, there is the fact that I would most likely get into trouble for fighting, even if I was attacked first--and if all the other party was doing was picking on me, then it would be a guarantee that I'd be the only one getting into trouble. Then, of course, there's the fact that I just don't care for fighting. So in the end, all I ever did was deal with it and try to avoid those people. Eventually we'd have to go our separate ways, and that was that.
Unfortunately, some people cannot simply deal with the issue and in those cases, I do think I would have to recommend finding a way to fight back. In the past, I didn't realize that the law may have been able to help me in some cases. Now that I do, I would definitely suggest finding out just what measures may be taken about harassment.

Originally Posted by SuperSimoholic

What about Cyber Bullying? Is that serious, or is it something that people are taking way too seriously? How should you handle a cyber bully?
To be honest, I don't think it's that big a deal to the majority, because if it's on the internet, you could always block, or report them. It's not that hard.
The first message you get might be hurtful, and maybe they will try to find other ways, but if that's the case then go to the police and file a harassment charge (if they live near you) and if they don't live near you, then that means you should have no problem blocking them.

On sites like menewsha, you can't really ignore them (yes there is an ignore feature, but you can still very easily see every little thing they say, you won't not be able to see their posts, and there's nothing really stopping them from PMing you or writing on your wall). :sweat: Not all sites support a comprehensive block feature like Gaia, Facebook, or even Myspace.
And there are many types of cyber bullying too.
Did you ever heard of the story of the mom who pretended to be a boy who liked this girl? Made good friends with her, and they started "e-dating" and then one day "he" turned on her and said horrible things to her, and she killed herself. ^__^;

Let me see if I can find the story, it was all over the news for a while...

Also, quote your spoons. n__n
SuperSimoholic:

I remember in High school, we had a study hall type of a class. My guy friend left the room, and a girl was saying he was weird, stupid, etc. really loudly and the teacher didn't do shit. I got so angry about it, that I told her to shut the fuck up. Well that got me in trouble, but I don't regret it one bit. I wanted to fight back so much harder.
I was bullied a lot in high school and became a loner. I became severely depressed. Ignoring it just puts you in a secluded and sad bubble. That's why some kids end up shooting up schools and going psycho.
A lot of times, the bullied victim tries to do something, or ask for help. Obviously this doesn't help most of the time. As an adult, it's easier to fend off bullies. You can speak for yourself. Example: At work, a 50 something year old woman with menopause was making fun of me, unprovoked. I stood up to her, and later my coworkers clapped for me because I stood up for myself. I don't have an answer for younger people having a bullying problem, because as a kid you don't have much freedom to say or do what is right. You have to abide by rules that are all around you. But as an adult, there is more of a choice. Violence is not really the answer to any of it, but being an intelligent/confident being can help to deal with people that treat you like crap.

There is only one Menewsha user who I can think of as a true bully. They stalk the debate forums, just to put everyone down. I just don't go in there anymore, but I had to stand up for the younger users who were really hurt by his or her rants. Apparently this person thought they were some type of god and needed mental help. :P

On sites like menewsha, you can't really ignore them (yes there is an ignore feature, but you can still very easily see every little thing they say, you won't not be able to see their posts, and there's nothing really stopping them from PMing you or writing on your wall). Not all sites support a comprehensive block feature like Gaia, Facebook, or even Myspace.
And there are many types of cyber bullying too.
Did you ever heard of the story of the mom who pretended to be a boy who liked this girl? Made good friends with her, and they started "e-dating" and then one day "he" turned on her and said horrible things to her, and she killed herself. ^__^;

monstahh`: is that it ^ ? thats exactly the story this woman told us at my school

that girls mother came to my school a few weeks ago for an assembly on bullying. her name was melissa T_T very depressing.

i don't think bullying can be resolved by authoritative figures because they have to do it the legal and socially acceptable way (ie, have a word with them) and nothing is solved except them calling you a nark and/or (excuse me) a pussy. i never told anyone about my bullying because i just couldn't give a shit what they said about me... after the first few years it really stopped hurting so much as it started being funny. all the people who used to bully me are my friends now so... >>

it is a shitty adult who does nothing to help a child in need. Cyber bullying is a real thing, it can hurt people and no matter how much you tell people on here to toughen up some people can't and thats when you get people like melissa up there in my post. it happens because people feel powerful because they're not face to face and don't have to deal with the consequences because there really are NO laws or anything against it.

I forgot to get the article earlier, here it is.

i work as a one on one companion at an elementary school. specifically in the 4th grade. those kids are really mean. there is so much bullying going on. the boy i work with specifically has been getting silently bullied byu another sopecial needs kid in his class. this other boy will sing and hum around the boy i work with (im not going to use their names i will call them boy 1 my boy and boy 2 the other) boy 2 hums and sings because he knows boy 1 can not stand it when somene is humming or singing near him. boy 2 knows boy 1 can not filter his irritation. we've been working with boy 1 to use his words but he does and he is still ignored by boy 2 and the humming continues, and then boy 1 gets angry and gets in trouble because he's usually ended up hitting boy 2. boy 2 knows he will get hit and doesnt care because he thinks its funny to be in such control over what happens to boy 1. as boy 1's persoanl companion i took big offense and this. that this boy was being so deliberate to make faces and hum and continue doing these things after being asked to stop. just to be annoying.

i was very upset with this boy and he has been talked to about it. but i've gotten distracted


i recently learned that boy 2 has been getting bullied himself on the bus and was being intimidated and called very dirty names and this upset me even more. it was dealt with last week but i'm afraid for this boy. he's a really sweet kid when you get to know him but what if all this bullying continues and the only outlet boy2 has for it is to transfer his aggravation as bullying onto someone else.

teachers parents...people now a days are so afraid of injuring or traumatizing a child with disipline and punishment that they are letting the kids go willy nilly. in my opinion i think we need to be doing more about bullying... sendng sheets of paper home isnt enough. when it's getting as severe and fighting and talk about sex and hitting and cursing, starts occurring as young as int he 4th grade then something needs to be done. we cant just call home anymore. we let our kids watch violent tv shows and shows that curse and talk about sex it's no one there is no respect and all of this bullying is going on...the kids think its funny they have no idea about what the person they are doing this to feels like.

where's a good ruler when you need it XD

Im a a wierd postion. when i was younger i use to be a bullie. (elementary school)
lead a groupd of kids and just picked on everyone.
Why?
becouse i was jelouse of all the smart kids who where able to get stuff so easly.
AS a grew older i became the picked on becouse of the choices i made instead of doing art i choose to play a string instroment,
i had glasses and begain my wounderful years of puberty so i had abunch of things not going for me. (mind you i moved ALOT so not many people have known me since childhood.. actually no ones known me longer then 4 years XD)

Parents made bullying worst, and it seemed that my school was gunning to get the good kids in worest trouble then the actule trouble makers. But i relised that bullying is mostly directed at easy targets.
So i hung out with larger girls and alot of them (our lil nerd gang was about 12 strong)
Plus the simple thing of holding your head up high actully stops alot of bullies, becouse
1 you see everything and know when its time to change direction
2. easer to give that evil look before thigns start becoming to bad.

Plus i found that by changing what i wore kind of scard alot of people away.
A simple trench coat does SO Much..
or thats the way i delt with bullying.
Seem to work with me, plus i made nice with everyone. so if i had ever goteen bullied a friend/some randome person who know me from class, normly came to help me out, or make the said bully feel like an ideot. XD

LOL @disturbed. thats hilarious. wearing a trench coat... really? that works? xD my school doesn't allow trench coats--they're seen as distractions.

On cyber bullying;
Whoever said that you should just block the offenders is horrible. What if you are on a large site like FB, and you have to go through all those you know, blocking each of them? I had to do that, and I felt so sick to my stomach. Each block was another person that hated me, and I created a personal petition for my own death that way. With each person I found, there was that black hole instead of your heart feeling, when I felt as though nobody cared. So that is just not the right way.
On physical bullying;
When you tell someone about the abuse, it just gets worse, depending on the nature of the attack. If it is pure malice, then the bully will not stop. If it is sadism, they might leave you alone for some time, then come back.
On mental;
If someone says it enough, you can believe it. "But just remember, if you like it then it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, so-" *SHOT* It just doesn't work that way. Human beings are know for their inate desire for companionship, for the overwhelming need to belong. If those needs aren't met, the human is not going to be mentally healthy.
Mental health affect emotional and physical health, and it is possible for (as many have seen/heard about) a human being to feel so alone that their veiws on life become disturbed, and they commit suicdide, or follow a path similar to columbine. It doesn't need to happen but the petty creatures we are, it does.

I got my fair share of bullying and mostly ignoring it worked but once there was this guy in high school who targeted me because I'm a redhead and he would make a lot of sexual jokes and off color remarks, once he took me to one of the unfinished hallways and attacked me. I probably should have involved a teacher or the police but I have an instinctive mistrust of people in general and prefer to deal with my own problems quietly and privately. Long story short next time he tried anything I gave him a sound punch and he didn't bother me again.

1. I believe that instead of punishment the reaction to things you don't like should be teaching. However I believe the best method teaching is cause and effect. So if someone is physically harming you, the best course is to teach them the err of their ways by showing them how violence begets violence :)
2. In this case illustrate to them how verbal abuse relates to insecurities by bringing up the most tragic points in their past to them.
3. I believe authority is given away too often. I believe in taking the authority upon yourself and over no one besides yourself and handling the situation alone or with your peers.
4. Cyber bullying is just as serious as verbal abuse. Just because "you can turn off the computer" doesn't mean it's no problem. For one, if bullying in the form of words can get to you, it will get to you even after you turn off the computer. Second, some people find it hard to leave abusive situations. This is evident in that many battered spouses for one reason or the other never try to run away or fight back. The way to deal with cyber bullies is to show them that rude people will get treated poorly and so they should change their ways. Do this by hacking into their computer planting child porn or bomb recipes and then calling the police.

I was bullied by two kids in two different schools -- the first case, I grabbed her and shook her as I told her it was not cool to pick on me for no good reason. She never bothered me again and apparently was scared of me years later. What a maroon.

In the second case, the kid was disturbed, so my mother had to see the principal and tell him this was not acceptable and then it stopped.

You cannot ignore bullies. They confuse silence with consent. I also think people should get involved if they see bullying -- if the bully knows that he or she can't get away with it, they'll stop...

Usually the best tip teachers or adults can give is to normally ignore the person bullying you. But we all know that most of the times it doesn't work. And it's pretty obvious that the certain bully is insecure because who'd bully in the first place with no reason? I mean, you might stumble upon a sick kid or something that just does it for the fun of it.
I don't really have a best tip for physical bullying but the way I'd do it would be to hit back. Just prove them that I'm not some weak wussy that would allow herself to be pushed around and made fun of.
Neither do I have a good tip for the mental bullying, that's most of the times the hardest for someone. Because the only way you can stop that type of bullying is by being mentally strong back.

Originally Posted by Narcotic Dreams

Usually the best tip teachers or adults can give is to normally ignore the person bullying you. But we all know that most of the times it doesn't work.

Heh, my teacher told me to stand up to the girl bullying me -- and his advice was right on the money. I think these days some teachers are afraid of negative publicity, backlash, and job sanctions if they say anything else...

If you are the victim of physical (pushing, punching, kicking, ect) bullying, what should you do?

I never got bullied. I'm small and thin but for some reason no one ever messed with me. But, bullies did mess with my brother, and oh fuck when I found out I caused a riot. TELL A PARENT. I can not ever stress that enough! Parents will support you, parents will listen, parents will make it better. Or tell a big brother/sister. We're usually more... Proactive. *Winkwink* Now, I'm not saying it'll go away. My brother still has a hard time. BUT, he hasn't been bullied since. Now the thin line here is that people have started to get this impression that everything is bullying. And, sorry, but you will never get out of school without being called something, or being at least once shoved, pushed, or hurt in any way. It's a world filled with teenagers, hell yes this shit happens. When it causes a lot of distress, however, that's bullying.

If you are the victim of mental bullying (name calling, ect) what should you do?

Brace-face, four-eyes, broom hair, lesbian, toilet (don't even), oh man I heard it all. I laugh and sit and stare. Seriously, best solution for me was to laugh and make a face like "Oh god, you're making such a fool of yourself!". Trust me, it messes with their head so bad. XD It probably hurts more this type of bullying than getting punched and kicked, as this messes with one's self-esteem. My solution would be to laugh and nod. Agree! The name-calling will most likely stop.

Is getting an adult or figure of authority the best option? And what if the "adult" refuses to do anything?

Like I said before, tell a parent. Teachers, well, it depends... But a parent will help you, or a big sibling.

What about Cyber Bullying? Is that serious, or is it something that people are taking way too seriously? How should you handle a cyber bully?

It's a load of crap. Cyber bullying is an expression someone butthurt used to defend themselves and pretend someone is doing something wrong. It's the bloody internet. Don't like it? The computer has a button: click it and go outside. K? If not, grow a thicker skin. No one can hurt you online unless you're a whimp. Jeez. What can possibly happen? Someone going to call you a deformed bunch of bits and bytes? A zero? A teeny tiny pixel? Please.

And before someone jumps at me with the case of the girl who killed herself, trolololo thirteen year old dating online. Successfull troll is successfull.

And yes, I am aware this might sound harsh and uncalled for. Again, internet. Just look at Jessy Slaughter and tell me she wasn't asking for what she got.

Originally Posted by NeuzaKC

It's a load of crap. Cyber bullying is an expression someone butthurt used to defend themselves and pretend someone is doing something wrong. It's the bloody internet. Don't like it? The computer has a button: click it and go outside. K? If not, grow a thicker skin. No one can hurt you online unless you're a whimp. Jeez. What can possibly happen? Someone going to call you a deformed bunch of bits and bytes? A zero? A teeny tiny pixel? Please.

And before someone jumps at me with the case of the girl who killed herself, trolololo thirteen year old dating online. Successfull troll is successfull.

And yes, I am aware this might sound harsh and uncalled for. Again, internet. Just look at Jessy Slaughter and tell me she wasn't asking for what she got.

You know, I felt like this until I actually started getting harassed and bullied by a group of girls pretty routinely. Every time they posted in my threads, commented on my wall, sent me nasty PMs. I had to log of Gaia for months, block them all, block their mule, block their friends, and keep reporting them *every time* for months before it stopped and they all got banned and then rebanned (they thought it was a good idea to keep harassing me "because when I pussied out I'd get their accounts unbanned because I have all these mod friends").
And why did they do this to me? Because someone told them that I posted nudes of them on a mule--which is funny, because I didn't even know her until she started harassing me.
I was 18 at the time and I can stand up to a lot of shit, but frankly what they did was cruel and disgusting. I had to give up things I loved just to avoid her--now if that's not being bullied, idk what is. But it's most of all not a joke.

Not every cyberbully is a troll, on one hand, Jessie was an idiot for doing what she did...But on the other hand, she was(/is?) 11 years old. She's bound to do some stupid shit.
If they are specifically out to get you over and over and over again, they are not just trolls--they are bullying you. So, in Jessie's case, she was being cyberbullied, but with that extent, that you're receiving death threats and such, you can take those to the police, but making a retaliatory video with your father? ...not the best idea.
If they make one snide remark at you, and then move on to someone else, they're just a troll.
I think people use the term "troll" too loosely, and the word "cyberbully" as another word for troll, and while similar, are not quite the same in my opinion.

Turning off the computer doesn't help if you have a persistent cyberbully--especially if they are bullying you online, and go to your school to bully you more there. Not every cyberbully is someone you don't know--in fact, chances are especially on facebook and sites like it, is *is* someone you know.
And honestly, even if you log off, or change accounts, you're still afraid of it happening again unless you see them actually willfully stop, and you're even more afraid of what they'll say when they find out you made a new account--chances are they'll find out quick and bully you harder.

So, unless you plan on never using the internet again, a cyberbully is still a problem because you can't escape the internet these days, facebook, email, entertainment...But trying to avoid it completely or just "close the window" will leave you very in the dark with your peers--I didn't have a facebook in high school until my junior year, because of that, I missed out on many many many opportunities to make more friends, or get closer to the ones I had.

Though, I will commend Facebook and Gaiaonline for having a very good ignore system, and a very good way of dealing with harassment, spam, trolls, and bullying, which is so excellent in both cases now that you can report, block them, and never have to think about them again (except sometimes on gaia, but you can continue to report them if they persist, and they WILL be 'punished').

Cyber bullying is different though. I don't think people take it seriously enough. The internet is a wide public web. It's for everyone. Imagine newspapers publishing your photos when you never signed a media release? It's against privacy.

It's not like you can paint "ASHE SUCKS" on a building wall and receive no consequence. You would probably have to pay a fine for the public profanity and clean it off or something, and depending on where you live, serve a community service. The internet is so much more similar. People just can't control it because it's digital and the glory of being anonymous is something bullies take advantage of all the time.

A while ago, a student was suspended from school because he wrote offensive words about his teacher on his public facebook profile. Honestly, I think he deserved that suspension. It's just so wrong in so many ways, people think they have a right over the internet to claim a space for "freedom of speech", but they are wrong. Freedom of speech still comes with consequences, and dissing out a teacher on his facebook? He is insulting not only the teacher, but the school and the relatives. When you do something like that on the internet, expect the internet to react back. There's no such thing as a "personal" space on the world wide web. When you post on the internet, you are intending it for the internet. If you are being provoked on the internet, it is much like being picked on in the middle of a busy shopping centre. It's just not decent to put on that kind of public display, and hurts alot more.

Although you can never truly teach someone a lesson by suspending them or handing out a punishment. It's true that people learn through experience. That boy may not have learned his lesson now, but in the future, his sense of thinking will develop and advance, and he will start to realize his mistakes.

How many of you people here on Menewsha have said or done horrible things when you were a child, but you didn't learn anything by sitting in the "naughty corner"? You only learned when you grew and revolutionized your way of thinking. So, with that said, I don't think people can ever truly do anything about bullying. It's somehow apart of life because it's what humans do, and they learn from it. We can only try to make the after-effect better, and comfort those who have been bullied, tell them to get back up on their feet and try again at life.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

I was 18 at the time and I can stand up to a lot of shit, but frankly what they did was cruel and disgusting. I had to give up things I loved just to avoid her--now if that's not being bullied, idk what is. But it's most of all not a joke.

I got a "cyber stalker" (let's call that for lack of a better and more fitting term) for half a year not long ago. It got incredibly nasty on the person's part, so to stop it, I deleted my facebook, blogs everywhere, left my dA account, and started off with a new username everywhere. Was it nasty? Yes. Was it necessary? No. Was there any reason for the person to this? They think so, I think not. Was I bullied? Hell no! Everything fits the description of bullying. But was it bullying? Na-ha. Why? I just started over, a new life online. No one knows who I am now, so it's great! I got off to a fresh start and got out of it without any harm. Sure, it was stressfull, etc etc.. But bullied? Online? Me? Teehee. I can call it "harrassment". But not bullied. And trust me, it was some fucked up shit.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

Turning off the computer doesn't help if you have a persistent cyberbully--especially if they are bullying you online, and go to your school to bully you more there. Not every cyberbully is someone you don't know--in fact, chances are especially on facebook and sites like it, is *is* someone you know.
And honestly, even if you log off, or change accounts, you're still afraid of it happening again unless you see them actually willfully stop, and you're even more afraid of what they'll say when they find out you made a new account--chances are they'll find out quick and bully you harder.

We are working on the premiss that there are such things are cyberbullies. Bullies are bullies, and if they know you in real life, then yes, it's bullying. As for finding out new accounts, that's a rookie mistake. I'm fine and the person didn't find out anything about me. Heck I trolled that person HARD just for kicks. Why? Damn internet people be stupid. If you're smart, no one will find you. That's the beauty of the internet, you get to change everything, lie, make up a new self.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

So, unless you plan on never using the internet again, a cyberbully is still a problem because you can't escape the internet these days, facebook, email, entertainment...But trying to avoid it completely or just "close the window" will leave you very in the dark with your peers--I didn't have a facebook in high school until my junior year, because of that, I missed out on many many many opportunities to make more friends, or get closer to the ones I had.

Oh, but that is a case-by-case basis, and like I said before, not completely true. Again, working on the premiss that such a thing as a cyberbully exists, they must be treated like hardcore trolls, those who take it one step too far. MUST NOT FEED. I didn't, except for the trolling in the end, and it was so freaking hilarious to see the person climb up metaphorical cyber walls just to get to me, and calling me out on blatantly stupid shit, just to click the red button in the end and go "BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL Y U NO PAY ATTN?" /deactivation

I'm not trying to say there aren't people being handled in a rough way. I go to dA's BHB every day, that gives everyone a good insight of how things can get. But no, you can not call bullying to something that can not affect you in your life. And if you say "oh some people turn off the pc and still gets to them", again I will say, stay out of the internet until you grow a thicker skin. Anyone who's been online for a few years can testify that you'll find mean people everywhere, at every community and website. But it all comes down to "words are words", they can't hurt you unless you let them.

Hm, the you up there is not personal. XD

Originally Posted by NeuzaKC

I got a "cyber stalker" (let's call that for lack of a better and more fitting term) for half a year not long ago. It got incredibly nasty on the person's part, so to stop it, I deleted my facebook, blogs everywhere, left my dA account, and started off with a new username everywhere. Was it nasty? Yes. Was it necessary? No. Was there any reason for the person to this? They think so, I think not. Was I bullied? Hell no! Everything fits the description of bullying. But was it bullying? Na-ha. Why? I just started over, a new life online. No one knows who I am now, so it's great! I got off to a fresh start and got out of it without any harm. Sure, it was stressfull, etc etc.. But bullied? Online? Me? Teehee. I can call it "harrassment". But not bullied. And trust me, it was some fucked up shit.

Fair enough, I tend to use the word "harassment" to describe bullying, and if you're not being "harassed" it's not really (cyber)bullying.
I personally would not like to uproot my "internet life" for one asshole. I would rather report them, block them, and then have them stop and not have to. I've only had to once, but because the site wouldn't do anything, I got the police involved, and then he stopped. :?

We are working on the premiss that there are such things are cyberbullies. Bullies are bullies, and if they know you in real life, then yes, it's bullying. As for finding out new accounts, that's a rookie mistake. I'm fine and the person didn't find out anything about me. Heck I trolled that person HARD just for kicks. Why? Damn internet people be stupid. If you're smart, no one will find you. That's the beauty of the internet, you get to change everything, lie, make up a new self.

I personally feel that lying is not an option, I'm a very honest person and I don't agree with the practice of lying--internet or not. The only way I'd lie is if the person who was harassing me started asking questions like, "Are you so and so?" because obviously I don't want it to start again, but I do not approve of lying, sorry. :| Smart or not, a liar is a liar.

Oh, but that is a case-by-case basis, and like I said before, not completely true. Again, working on the premiss that such a thing as a cyberbully exists, they must be treated like hardcore trolls, those who take it one step too far. MUST NOT FEED. I didn't, except for the trolling in the end, and it was so freaking hilarious to see the person climb up metaphorical cyber walls just to get to me, and calling me out on blatantly stupid shit, just to click the red button in the end and go "BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL Y U NO PAY ATTN?" /deactivation

Your post did not imply or suggest that you meant "case by case"--in fact it suggested that all cases on the internet are the same and to just "close the window." :?

I'm not trying to say there aren't people being handled in a rough way. I go to dA's BHB every day, that gives everyone a good insight of how things can get. But no, you can not call bullying to something that can not affect you in your life. And if you say "oh some people turn off the pc and still gets to them", again I will say, stay out of the internet until you grow a thicker skin. Anyone who's been online for a few years can testify that you'll find mean people everywhere, at every community and website. But it all comes down to "words are words", they can't hurt you unless you let them.

Hm, the you up there is not personal. XD

When someone says horrible things about someone online, takes your pictures and draws shit on your face and writes things like, "This person is a dumb slut!"
You will still hear those words, even after you log off and play them back in your mind a dozen times.
It's the same as being bullied verbally--You can only ignore it in proportion to your confidence. Cyberbullying can still effect your life in the same way that verbal bullying does; see the girl who killed herself. Yes, she was being "trolled" or HARASSED by this WOMAN (adult female) who was LYING about WHO she was. Yeah, it can't affect your life or your self esteem or any of your feelings about yourself at all. (sarcasm) It would be like someone asking her out in person, with the intent to abuse, lie and hurt her emotionally.

Do I agree people should not expect everyone to be nice on the internet? Yes!
Do I think that people need to grow a thicker skin in general? Yes!
Do I think bullying online is a serious problem? YES!
Why? Because people "know" that they can just change their name, fake a picture, and simply type differently and everyone will think they're a whole new person--there are no consequences for their actions in many cases because of that...which means they will probably only escalate. The internet is breeding sociopaths, because they are convinced that "it's the internet, so whatever I say doesn't matter, no matter how much I hurt people--it's their fault for being pussies!" I hate that attitude.

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Originally Posted by Ashe

Cyber bullying is different though. I don't think people take it seriously enough. The internet is a wide public web. It's for everyone. Imagine newspapers publishing your photos when you never signed a media release? It's against privacy.

It's not like you can paint "ASHE SUCKS" on a building wall and receive no consequence. You would probably have to pay a fine for the public profanity and clean it off or something, and depending on where you live, serve a community service. The internet is so much more similar. People just can't control it because it's digital and the glory of being anonymous is something bullies take advantage of all the time.

A while ago, a student was suspended from school because he wrote offensive words about his teacher on his public facebook profile. Honestly, I think he deserved that suspension. It's just so wrong in so many ways, people think they have a right over the internet to claim a space for "freedom of speech", but they are wrong. Freedom of speech still comes with consequences, and dissing out a teacher on his facebook? He is insulting not only the teacher, but the school and the relatives. When you do something like that on the internet, expect the internet to react back. There's no such thing as a "personal" space on the world wide web. When you post on the internet, you are intending it for the internet. If you are being provoked on the internet, it is much like being picked on in the middle of a busy shopping centre. It's just not decent to put on that kind of public display, and hurts alot more.

Although you can never truly teach someone a lesson by suspending them or handing out a punishment. It's true that people learn through experience. That boy may not have learned his lesson now, but in the future, his sense of thinking will develop and advance, and he will start to realize his mistakes.

I very much agree with all of the above.
The glory of the internet, is how much you "don't know" these people could very well be inaccurate...people post and have so much of their life on display online, even if you think you are very careful, you'll still let so much slip--Just ask Insomniac (mene's admin), he's (/was?) a private detective--he found all sorts of personal information from a hacker and a scammer on menewsha, and posted them publicly for all to see.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

I personally would not like to uproot my "internet life" for one asshole. I would rather report them, block them, and then have them stop and not have to. I've only had to once, but because the site wouldn't do anything, I got the police involved, and then he stopped. :?

Yes, I'd much rather that too, but the person wouldn't stop, and it was very slippery, as the person wasn't doing anything openly wrong or illegal. Tricky stuff. Also, dA's admins do not give a shit. They're, sadly, a bunch of bastards, so you're pretty much on your own when it comes to this.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

I personally feel that lying is not an option, I'm a very honest person and I don't agree with the practice of lying--internet or not. The only way I'd lie is if the person who was harassing me started asking questions like, "Are you so and so?" because obviously I don't want it to start again, but I do not approve of lying, sorry. :| Smart or not, a liar is a liar.

That's a choice, obviously. I lie if I have to, I say it openly because if I have to hide my cyberself as to hide my real life self, I damn well will.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

Your post did not imply or suggest that you meant "case by case"--in fact it suggested that all cases on the internet are the same and to just "close the window." :?

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. You're right, my mistake. The case-by-case thing, I was replying to this:

But trying to avoid it completely or just "close the window" will leave you very in the dark with your peers--I didn't have a facebook in high school until my junior year, because of that, I missed out on many many many opportunities to make more friends, or get closer to the ones I had.

Because this is a case-by-case thing, you know; after all that happened to me I'm still very in touch with everyone online. But it wasn't a reply for the rest. My bad.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

When someone says horrible things about someone online, takes your pictures and draws shit on your face and writes things like, "This person is a dumb slut!"
You will still hear those words, even after you log off and play them back in your mind a dozen times.

Which is why I don't have pictures up. People need to hide, the internet is a place of idiocy and constant abuse, if people don't protect themselves and hide, yes! This is going to happen, and yes, it's going to affect you! Should it? Nope. Come on. Most people here of our age, I trust they know best than to let insults like "slut", "whore" and the likes get to them. No, no one likes to be insulted, but if you're online, you're going to be. Christian? You're stupid. Atheist? Going to hell. Aspergers? Assburgers. Thin? Anorexia. Fat? Unfuckable. Self-mutilation? Attention-seeking. Defending a friend? White knight. Controversy? Troll. Like anime? Wapanese. Girl? Whore. Boy? Predator. And it goes on and on and on. Why shouldn't those words specifically get to you? Because you're not a dumb slut. It's a simple as that. If it does not apply to you, if it's not a fitting label, if it's not true, laugh about it and shrug it off. Or go all passive-agressive and write pseudo-menacing blog posts, if it helps. Also using pictures like that is copyright infringement, breaking the law. You shove that down a person's throat and you will see them running. What's my point? My point is, if you are online, something will happen, someone will make it their life's mission to hurt you so they get a boner out of it. But the moment you indulge them, you lose; if you show weakness, BAM!, you'll never get out of it. Best thing? Leave. The internet is a wide place, very wide. You can blend in almost anywhere. Use that to your advantage.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

It's the same as being bullied verbally--You can only ignore it in proportion to your confidence. Cyberbullying can still effect your life in the same way that verbal bullying does; see the girl who killed herself. Yes, she was being "trolled" or HARASSED by this WOMAN (adult female) who was LYING about WHO she was. Yeah, it can't affect your life or your self esteem or any of your feelings about yourself at all. (sarcasm) It would be like someone asking her out in person, with the intent to abuse, lie and hurt her emotionally.

While I can see the point you're making, I must say I feel no sympathy for this person, because ta-da, that's what "dating" someone online will get you. Lies and more lies. Thank heavens for COPPA and kids under thirteen not being able to get online without supervision, because well, there you have it. Stupid kids kill themselves because they see other kids online saying "waa u meen, thinking about killing myself *slitslitslit*" and well, emulate these people. Was the woman in the right? Hell no she needs some serious therapy! But really. A simple sentence, a reason for death? Would it affect you like that? Surely the age of thirteen comes at play here, because thirteen year olds are stupid and influentiable.

Originally Posted by monstahh`

Because people "know" that they can just change their name, fake a picture, and simply type differently and everyone will think they're a whole new person--there are no consequences for their actions in many cases because of that...which means they will probably only escalate. The internet is breeding sociopaths, because they are convinced that "it's the internet, so whatever I say doesn't matter, no matter how much I hurt people--it's their fault for being pussies!" I hate that attitude.

But that's exactly what I mean! If "bullies" can do that, so can the "victims", yes? Go into hiding, pull a "witness protection program", reinvent yourself. Maybe I'm just not big on the loose term and how people get wood whenever they say "I'm being cyberbullied", because every time someone says that and I see the situation, I just see idiots asking for it and getting their just deserts. Idiots are everywhere. I agree. But you know how when you visit a site, sometimes you get that pop-up asking you if you're mature enough (+18) to visit it? I guess it's the same thing for me. If you step online, you best be mature enough to handle every insult known to man thrown at you, getting blamed for idiocies you didn't do/say, get misinterpreted at any given point, get banned for no good reason, rule 34, all that. If you can't, take a break and come back later, with your shades on. But maybe that's just me. I've seen a lot.

I think it's less about maturity, and more about confidence--again.

It's the same as being bullied verbally--You can only ignore it in proportion to your confidence.

EVEN IF you block them, or hide from them, or run away...It doesn't change the fact that most humans are social by nature, and we care what others think. Confident people are less likely to believe insults, less confident people are more likely too.
Simply running or hiding doesn't address the problem--you are in fact making yourself a weaker person.

Which is why I don't have pictures up.

I'd also like to point out, while I choose not to lie, you choose not to put pictures up--I like to use facebook to it's fullest and I like to be trusting of people in general. I realize my pictures can be misused, but that doesn't mean it's my fault for posting them. I didn't ask to be abused or bullied by so and so.

However, I can see we won't agree, but, I'm glad you can "see" my points.

Confident people are less likely to believe insults, less confident people are more likely too.

This is actually something I'd like to see adressed in the future, because I have absolutely no confidence in real life, and insults like "ugly" can put me at the verge of tears, but online if someone calls me ugly I just... Laugh. So hard. You know what I mean? I don't know why. But I don't disagree, I just wanted to throw this out here. XD And you're right about the facebook thing too, obviously. I guess we can agree to disagree, then. (: Obviously I can see your points, so yeah.

Originally Posted by NeuzaKC

This is actually something I'd like to see adressed in the future, because I have absolutely no confidence in real life, and insults like "ugly" can put me at the verge of tears, but online if someone calls me ugly I just... Laugh. So hard. You know what I mean? I don't know why. But I don't disagree, I just wanted to throw this out here. XD And you're right about the facebook thing too, obviously. I guess we can agree to disagree, then. (: Obviously I can see your points, so yeah.

I know many people who feel the same way--including myself. I am less likely to be upset by insults on the internet, especially if the person appears to be stupid, a troll, or treats everyone like that..UNLESS they specifically target me or my friends, THEN I get pissed off more than upset.
I have less confidence in person--online, I can block or ignore most people (unless they're persistent, and then I usually seek revenge my getting them banned or suffer legal consequences (ie get police involved), and it's fine, I might still be a little bothered by someone saying something, but moreso in the way of "Why would they say that about me? What did I do to upset them?" If that makes sense.
So I do see your points--but not everyone feels the same way as we do, and can't just let most things roll...As a gaia user, and someone who lurks in /b/, I see the worst of most of it, even been the "victim" of many trolls.
But, there are kids on the internet--and people seem to forget that kids feelings are still valid, even though they are immature and unable to grasp that "some people are just assholes." (This is primarily where I disagree with you, by the way, just to explain myself.) But especially if you know you're targeting a child, that's fucked up.

Do you understand where I'm coming from? :)
Children will be children, and keeping children away from the internet entirely in today's society, where we are so "wired in" all the time, is a little ridiculous. You know? I think a lot of bullying could be prevented, if parents and family took a more active role in childrens' lives--instead of just letting them be in front of the computer all day.