06-25-2008, 01:22 AM
If I fixed this up and everything and got this turned into a book would you read it? Why or why not? Also help me with ways to make this better.
The title of this is going to be Just A Dream?
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A lone figure walked through the nearly empty city. It was late so not many people were out. The figure was a young girl about eighteen. She was coming home from a long night at her job at the pet store called "Pets Amure." She was dressed in a pink fluffy coat, deep pink scarf wrapped around her neck, deep pink shirt, deep pink gloves, pink and blue pants, pink snow boots, and a deep pink hat that covered her ears. It was winter and it being three in the morning it was colder and felt thirty below zero, when it was just five. The pet store closes at nine pm, but cages had fallen down and cats and dogs as wells reptiles had gotten out. They messed up the store pretty bad so she had been there longer than she was supposed to. Her long blood red hair blew softly behind her in the wind. Her tired sapphire eyes lit up when she reached the entrance of her apartment. She unlocked the door and walked in, turning on the lights as she walked past the switch. She pulled off her coat, gloves, scarf, and hat and laid them down on the small wooden table by the door. She dragged herself to the kitchen to find a small snack before she went to bed. She opened the refrigerator and grabbed the jar of salsa. She shut the door and grabbed a bag of chips. She sat down at the stained wooden kitchen table and began to eat. That's when one of her pure white foxes came up. His name was Kumo and he was one of her spirit guides.
"Hey Kumo where's Akila?" asked the girl. Kumo transformed into his human form so he could talk. He had blond hair that was almost white and blue eyes. "She's sleeping right now. Sanoko, when are you going to search for the rest of your clan? And why are you so late?" Kumo said to the girl. "Never, I want them to find me if I'm ever to be with them again. What's the point anyway? When I go back I'm going to be forced to marry someone I don't know because my parents were second in command so that makes me the ruler since my parents are dead and so are the first rulers. Oh and something just went wrong at the store, all the animals got out." Sanoko said.
"Oh." was all Kumo said before changing back into his fox form and going to bed. Sanoko sighed and put away the chips and salsa. She turned off the kitchen light and went to her bedroom. It was nothing special. It had white walls and a white ceiling, a bed, dresser, and a closet. She slipped her clothes off and put her pink and blue pajamas on. She turned the lights off and went to the living room. She turned on the TV to watch a little of it. There was nothing really on, so she just watched reruns. After a while she started to get pretty sleepy. She turned off the TV and went to bed. She was tired and sleepy, but she just couldn't get to sleep. She finally fell asleep at 6 o'clock. She was dreaming of things she longed for. She longed to find a boyfriend that loved her and everything. At eight o'clock in the morning Sanoko felt a tap on her shoulder. It was not Akila or Kumo because they were curled up sleeping beside her. She groaned as she opened her eyes to see a girl much shorter than she was. This girl had orange hair and golden eyes and was dressed in red royal like robes. She was also holding a golden staff. There was another girl standing beside her. She had green hair and green eyes and was dressed in blue royal like robes.
"Who are you?!" Sanoko asked sitting up. "I'm Tsuki and that's Kira." said the orange haired girl. "What do you want?" Sanoko asked eyes showing confusion as to how they got in. Then she noticed their fox ears and tail. They were from the village she and her parents fled from thirteen years ago. "We have come to take you back to the village of the Kitsune. We have been rebuilding it for five years and we finally have everything rebuilt except for the jail. Now come on lets go." Tsuki said.
"What about Kumo and Akila? I don't think I want to go." Sanoko asked looking down at her spirit guides that were in their fox forms. "They can come. After all they are your spirit guides. Now get dressed so we can go. It'll be warmer there than it is here so dress cool. Why do you not want to go, it's your home village!" Tsuki said stepping back some. "Because I don't want to marry someone I don't know. Why doesn't she talk?" Sanoko asked referring to Kira. "She's just shy. Well if you find someone else you like you can marry them in time then. Though for now you will have to see and talk to the person we have already picked for you. Now come on!" Is what Tsuki replied. Sanoko got out of bed and went to her closet. She picked out a pink long sleeve shirt and a red mini skirt. She went over to her bed and picked up Kumo and Akila who were still asleep.
"Ok I'm ready." Sanoko said in a low angry like tone. Tsuki just nodded and opened a portal to the Mystic Lands where Demons, Fairies, Elves, Dragons, and other creatures of that nature lived, though the portal went directly to the village. Kira stepped through before Tsuki and Sanoko. "Ok step through. Oh and change into your demon form before you do." Tsuki told Sanoko. Sanoko nodded and changed. A white light surrounded her. When it cleared she was two inches taller from her regular five ten height. She had red orange fox ears and three tails that were tipped with blue and her long red hair was tipped with blue. She looked at Tsuki for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and stepping through the blue swirling portal in front of her. Tsuki stepped through after her, the portal closing.
For what seemed like hours to Sanoko they were finally through the portal of swirling colors. All those spinning colors made Sanoko a bit dizzy, but she shook it off. She looked around and saw the Village of the Kitsune for the first time in years. There were a lot of Kitsune walking around. There were tall buildings, small buildings, huts, tents that all had the symbol of the Kitsune that reside in the village, three orbs stacked on top of each other like a pyramid.
"Do you have your orb Sanoko?" Tsuki asked her. "Kumo and Akila have it tucked away in them with a concealing spell." Sanoko said still looking around the village. "Ok that's good. Follow me." Tsuki said walking in front of her. Sanoko followed liked she was told. She admired the village as they walked through it. When they reached the middle of the village they were in the shopping center. They had clothes, jewelry, everything you could think of they had it. Sanoko wanted to buy something, but she still had to follow Tsuki. They finally reached their destination five minutes later. Sanoko looked up at a tall temple. The roof was red and blue and the sides were a light brownish tan color.
"Come on Sanoko." Tsuki said noticing she had stopped. Sanoko walked up the steps. Tsuki took her to a fitting room where two Kitsune were waiting. After about an hour Sanoko walked out with purple and gold royal robes on. Sanoko didn't really like them, but she figured she would get used to it. Tsuki motioned for her to follow her again. Sanoko followed her while looking around at the inside of the temple. The ceiling was high up and there were paintings on the walls of great Kitsune. There were statues of Kitsune as well.
"Here is your room." Tsuki said opening a door that had Sanoko's fox form on it as well as three orbs stacked on top of each other which made a triangle like shape. Sanoko walked in. Everything was royalty like. "You can look around the village for awhile; buy you some things or whatever. Here is your free pass to get things from the shops for free." Tsuki said handing her a red and blue circular card and then left. Sanoko nodded. "Ok." she said and walked out of the room. She walked down the steps to get to the town area. She looked around for hours. She got pendants, bracelets, and other things like that. She went back to her room and put her bags down. She petted Akila and Kumo then sat down on the cough. She stared at the wall for quite sometime before the door opened. "Follow me again." Tsuki said and lead Sanoko to another room. She opened the door the door to reveal a male Kitsune who had black hair and brown eyes. He wore regular clothing. He had blue jeans and a black shirt on. "I'll give you two three months to get to know each other before we hold the wedding." Tsuki said and shut the door.
The male stood up and shook Sanoko's hand. "My name is Kashi and I'm looking forward to getting to know you." The male introduced himself. "I'm Sanoko and me too." she said slightly lying about wanting to get to know him. "Sit down." Kashi offered sitting down himself. Sanoko sat down and looked at him. "So tell me about yourself." Kashi asked. "Well I hav...had a job at a pet store in the world where the humans live. I like to do and see interesting things. I like to have fun." Sanoko said. "Really?" he asked, "I like to do and see interesting things too." Kashi said happy that they had something in common. Sanoko smiled and then nothing else was said, she didn't want to marry him; she didn't know him. She wouldn't have enough time to know him enough to marry him in three months. When Kashi finally thought of something to say they heard a loud bang followed by screams coming from outside the temple. They got up and ran outside to see what it was. What they saw was no accident in fact it was something bad, something very bad for the village.
It was the wolf demon clan from thirteen years ago. They came back for the rest of the orbs and more. They were destroying everything all of there hard work at rebuilding it destroyed. It was time for war." Sanoko stay here. No wait go stay with Kumo and Akila, I put them in your room!" Tsuki said running past them into about one hundred Kitsune troops. Sanoko turned and ran to her room. She closed and locked the door behind her.
"What's going on?" Akila asked now in her human form. She had mid-back brown hair and brown eyes. "The village is under attack." Sanoko said going over to them. "Do you want your orb back?" Kumo asked her. "No keep it it's probably best if you do." Sanoko said sitting down. Akila and Kumo changed back into their fox forms and huddled up close in her lap. Kashi started to follow Sanoko, but he ran down the steps to help fight off the wolf demon clan. He pulled out his sword and began to fight them off. He would only use his powers if necessary.
Tsuki and Kira were fighting as well. Tsuki used her light powers while Kira used her earth powers. Screaming, metal clashing, and buildings falling down could be heard from a mile away, but no one was around to hear it or so they thought. There were too many wolves surrounding him so he had no choice he had to use his powers. He stepped back, took a deep breath and possessed any shadow he could find. He brought them all together and engulfed the demons in darkness. He continued to do this until there were no more wolf demons around him. He ran further into the village to fight more. Suddenly he was on the ground with several wolf demons on top of him and worse there weren't any shadows for him to use, he was doomed.
Sanoko stayed in her room with Kumo and Akila with the door locked. They could hear noises outside in the hall it was six wolf demons they had got in, the guards were defeated. They were looking; looking for the orbs or the ruler whichever they found would do just fine. Sanoko was scared now; she closed her eyes and tried not to pay attention to it.
Just when the wolves were about to kill Kashi they was hit by lighting. Kashi got up. "Thanks Tsuki." Kashi said before running off to fight. Tsuki just nodded and continued to fight. There was now banging on Sanoko's door. She closed her eyes tightly and hugged Kumo and Akila close. The banging stopped for a few minutes before there was an even louder banging noise. The door had been broken down, the wolf demons were in they were getting closer and closer to her. One of them reached for her.
A bright light could be seen to the side of her. She heard several screams of pain. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. She saw a tall male with short spiky like black hair with reddish blue eyes, he wore combat boots along with regular clothing. He was rather handsome and she thought his eyes were beautiful. She looked at him for a moment before sit down her foxes and standing up. "Maoko!" she said happily as she hugged him.
He hugged her back. "Sanoko, are you alright?!" he said with a worried tone. He really cared about her ever since they first met. Sanoko nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. How did you find here. How'd you even get here for that matter?" she asked him curiously, but grateful that he had come. Maoko smiled at her and moved some of her hair out of her face. "I came by your apartment this morning, but you didn't answer the door. So I used your spare key you had hidden and came in to see if you were alright. I searched the house and found a very small blue light in your room where a portal was opened. I used my powers to open it up again. When I got here I saw you all were under attack so I quickly came to find you." he explained.
"Well I'm glad you came, I was almost a goner." She said and hugged him again. She held the hug for a few minutes. Maoko smiled and hugged her back; he rested his head on the top of hers. He really wanted to tell her how he felt about her, he loved her, but he wasn't sure how to tell her. He figured she didn't feel the same way about him, but really hoped she did. He would find away some day how to tell her. He looked at her a smiled. "Hey, you look real sexy in that." He told her changing his tone to sound more like he meant it; he loved messing around with her and he did somewhat mean what he said.
Sanoko blushed as she looked up at him. "W-well, I don't like this. I like my regular clothes; they are a lot more comfortable." She sighed some and looked down. Maoko looked at her. "What's wrong?" he asked her, he wanted her to be happy and whatever she wanted or whatever was wrong, he would do his best to give her that or make her happy. "Maybe you should go help the others outside; I don't want this place to be destroyed again." She said still looking down. Maoko nodded. "Ok, I'll be right back." He said and ran out the door to go help them fight. Sanoko back down on the couch and started petting Akila.
Tsuki saw him when he came outside and started helping them. She wondered where he came from, but was thankful that he was there. She was staring at him admiring his appearance. She stayed like that for a while. Kira bumped into her and she quickly stopped, she would have time to admire him later, but right now she had to fight. She went back to fighting while Maoko continued to fight using all of his elemental powers. He killed all the wolves he came in contact with; he got a few scratches from the fight. He caught his breath from the fighting and went back into the temple to go back to Sanoko. The wolves had surrendered and gone home.
Tsuki saw him go back into temple. She looked around for a few seconds and then walked up the temple steps to go find him and find out where he was going. She caught up with him, but stayed behind watching him quietly. She saw him go into Sanoko's room, she ran up to the door and cracked it open to watch and listen to them.
Sanoko smiled and got up to hug him when she saw he was back. "I'm glad you're alright, but you do look like you got hurt a little." She said looking at his scratches. Maoko shook his head. "No I'm fine really; there scratches don't hurt at all anymore." He let go of her and sat down on the couch. Sanoko smiled and sat down beside him. Tsuki watched them, but she was mostly watching Maoko. He was very good looking to her, she loved the color of his eyes they were so perfectly beautiful. His hair wasn't the best in the world, but on him it worked it made him look even more good looking.
"What are you doing?" Kira asked from behind her noticing she was looking into Sanoko's room. Tsuki didn't answer her she was to busy looking at Maoko to hear her. Kira rolled her eyes and continued walking. She was going to go heal herself and then get to working on cleaning up the village. Sanoko looked down at her foxes; she wondered when they would wake up. Maoko took this opportunity to admire Sanoko's appearance; she was so beautiful to him even if no one else thought she was he did, he really did. What she did have on did his likeness for her rise a bit more if it even could. She did look somewhat sexy in it to him.
Sanoko looked up and he looked away. Sanoko smiled at him rested her head on his shoulder. Maoko blushed slightly, he wondered if she liked him since she did that, she probably didn't though. He couldn't help but doubt that she didn't like him for more than a friend. Sanoko looked up at him looking into his beautiful eyes. She felt weird today around him for some reason. After all these years that they've been around each other today she felt weird. She didn't know why, having her head on his shoulder felt even weirder, but she liked it. Whatever the feeling was she liked it.
Maoko looked at her for a few minutes before starting to say something. "Umm...S-SanokoI-I..." He couldn't get it out, he felt stupid. His heart was pounding; he leaned into her slowly and finally placed his lips on hers closing his eyes. Sanoko's heart began to race when he leaned in and kissed her. Her face was red and she felt even weirder than before. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, she was trying to see if her feeling would change, it did not she still felt weird. When Maoko pulled away his face was beet red, he felt stupid for doing that, but happy that she had kissed him back it meant that she actually might feel the same way.
"I feel weird, is that supposed to happen?" Sanoko asked face still red. He nodded still looking at her. "Yes it is, I feel weird too because I love you and you must at least like me." Sanoko stared at him for awhile. "Y-you love me? Well I guess I might like you as more than a friend, I mean we have known each other for a long time." She said smiling some. Maoko just nodded.
Tsuki moved away from the door, she felt sad. She wanted him, but he loved Sanoko. She sighed slightly and shook her head. She closed the door and walked away with her head down. She looked up when she got to her room. "I will have him." She whispered and locked herself in her room to form a plan and back up plans.
Last edited by Sanoko; 06-25-2008 at 03:24 AM..
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