It all started out as a normal day. She had woken up at 7:35 just like every day, gone down taking a shower and eaten brake feast all before 8:25. She thought to herself :This is gonna be such a great day! The sun is shinning, the birds are chirping...okay, maybe the birds aren't chirping, but it's still gonna be a GREAT day!: Or...at least that's what she though. Little did she know what that day had to offer her...

She went to school, hung out with her friends, just like every day. Her friends noticed she was in a better mood then most days. She decided to go hang out with her friends. All the time feeling like someone was watching her, she could see something out of the corner of her eye, but when she looked, it was gone...

As the night came to a wrap she decided it was best to be heading home, before her family worried for her...It wasn't the greatest time to go for a walk. The night was extremely dark for what time it was. The stars and the moon hiding behind the clouds, playing peek-a-boo. The moon was full and all the street lights were flickering. A few of them had gone out. The trees along the sides of the sidewalk looked as if though they were reaching out. Trying to grab her and yank her into the darkness. As she looked up she saw a face in the clouds, quickly disappear when she blinked. The only solid street light was about three or four blocks ahead.

She started to hum, to brake the silence. :Oh god...If I hurry up I can get to the other blocks ahead of me. Oh god...: She started to walk faster, she thought about breaking into a jog. She decided not to, remembering something her mother had told her a while ago. You don't run at night, it invites evil to attack. So she just walked a little faster, as she did so the last few flickering lights went out. She was left standing in the darkness.

She could feel cold winds running up her spin making her shiver. She stopped walking fast, coming to a complete stop she shivered. Looking around her, her breathing became harder and harder as each second passed. A few strands of her hair blew into her face. When she started to lift her hand up, she felt two fingers brushing them away. Tensing up she looked around, she stopped breathing and felt hot breathing on her ear. A few tears slid down her cheeks.

Once again the fingers brushed them away. The unknown force softly licked her ear, whispering into her ear "Do not worry my child...When you die, we'll be together forever..." As the figure spoke those words all the street lights came back on and in front of her was nothing but the empty street. She turned herself every which way, looking for the figure.

She found nothing. She lifted her hand up to her ear, she felt her ear. It felt as if a part of it had been burned off, yet she felt nothing. No pain...Nothing. She shivered as a finger was run down her back, turning around quickly she saw nobody. She started to run off.

She never told anyone what happened. She never walked at night. Even that way he doesn't leave her alone. She can feel him around her. She can feel his eyes on her when she's showering...She senses him...she still has that burn on her ear. She's so afraid she sleeps with the tv on..

That was the day her father died, he died the night she was walking home...


So if anyone could give me any tips, or advice, or just comments... Or something. >.< I'm not sure...But thank you for reading it.

It's kind of sad. But I'd work on it some more.

it's good but u need to rephrase some of it, like

It felt as if a part of it had been burned off, yet she felt nothing.

You used felt twice, other than that, check your spelling, i think u wrote though instead of thought, and it's great. :O

the concept is nice. I think the pacing could need a little work; everything was really sudden. Check the spelling as well, and keep in mind that edges details should be remove. Good start thouh! Definitely keep writing.