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Arella18
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#1
Old 06-18-2009, 12:01 PM

Okay so I have the Prologue and first chapter and I want to know if they're good and if they are how should I continue them...

((Prologue
When the humans dropped the bombs they almost destroyed themselves. They had forgotten about the Terra-forming projects that had sent the other humans out into space. The remaining humans possessed special powers which allowed them to land on a planet and reform it. The humans soon faced a problem there were no planets other than Gaia that were suitable for Terra-forming. So they soon returned to Gaia and tried to shape the planet for living but it wasn’t ready in their lifetime. Now their future generations have almost finished in the year 2006 after starting from nothing they refer it as AD After Destruction. BC was invented by the Christians I of course mean no offense to the readers who are Christian. The ones who still believe in the old ways the ways our ancestors taught us when they rebuilt earth are the Witches.
As one of them I would like to say that I have to tell our story. We are now working to end the threat of Nuclear Disaster by ridding the planet of their Thermo-Nuclear weapons and their nuclear power plants. We couldn’t stop Hiroshima and Nagasaki or Chernobyl but we are working to stop another disaster from happening. When we were driven to hiding behind a religion we couldn’t openly use our powers so we now use them in secret. We also own certain companies that you use everyday like some Bible publishers and especially some of the companies that make computer software. We also go to school with your children everyday. You will never know who we are and some of us are teaching the old ways to others.
My name is Celestia Rabul and this is my story the story of life on Earth the newest planet in the universe

Chapter 1
The sun beat down upon me as I toured the latest site. “So what’s the damage here” I asked the foreman. “The ground is deteriorating at rapidly increasing rate” He answered. “What do you think is the cause” I asked him wiping the sweat out of my eyes. “It’s probably remaining radiation or something else” He answered “won’t know till we dig deeper”. “You have my permission just tell me if ya find anything” I told him and walked off. I knew I had to get back home and write the findings in my journal it looked like this.
To this day I still don’t know what caused the decay. I had eaten a small breakfast that morning and I was starving. I had walked down to the kitchen where my mother and father were baking something. “Hun quit it” my mother Helen said swatting at my father’s hand. “But we have a lot of strawberries” My father Richard said taking another strawberry from the bowl “I love strawberries”. “Stop they’re for the cake” She said swatting him again. I laughed and walked inside “You two are the strangest parents a person could ever have”. “Oh we’re normal” She said “Look at other families”. “I know” I said “You’ve said it a million times there are families who act like monkeys”. I reached into the bowl of strawberries and took one out. “Don’t it’s already half empty” Mom said. I shrugged and dipped the strawberry into the bowl of melted chocolate which made her sigh “You’re worse than your father”. “You know I love chocolate covered strawberries” I told her taking a huge bite out of the strawberry “Besides why do we need a cake”. “Well it is your birthday right” She said “You’re turning sixteen”. “I know that but why celebrate it” I asked “There’s no time I have to find out what’s causing the decay at the site”. “What’s that’ her father asked “What do you mean decay”. “ The earth at the site has been decaying steadily for about a week” I told them “It hasn’t been a problem till now it’s been increasing at an alarming rate.” “Devin doesn’t know what’s causing it” mom asked. “No one knows what’s causing it” I answered “So I’m heading back tonight with some supplies and trying to get to the bottom of it.” “No” My father said, “You still aren’t strong enough.” “What” I said “but I know the site like the back of my hand.” “I don’t care” He said, “You can’t what if it’s a monster.” “Mom” I said. “He’s right” She said “Celes if you want to prove you are strong then you must train and complete the Trial”. “Fine” I said I was beaten if mom agreed with dad. “We’ll go later” Mom said “Now get out of the kitchen”.
I sat in my room that night and thought up a plan to go to the site even though mom and dad said no. I had filled my bag with the necessary provisions and wrote a note then thinking better about it I ripped it up. I snuck quietly out if the house and set off towards the site. ))

JustMerry
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#2
Old 07-25-2009, 11:38 AM

Thats a really good story,
I love the part with the chocolate covered strawberries, i just need a whole bowl full of them now! I cant wait until you finally get it finished , if you do.
it seems great, and im sure allot of people would like it as much as i did,
well done on writing such a great story!

 


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